Meaning of Birth
by assbele
Summary: I'm just Len. I'm not real, I'm half robot, half person Len. I'm not special like Rin is. I don't know why I keep thinking I want to stop the Doctor from making more failed Len Kagamines like me. But I do. I do, and I don't know why. LenxRin
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! :D 'Tis me again. This is my NaNoWriMo story – National Novel Writing Month of November, where you write a 50,000 word novel in a month? Um, I wrote this in one week. So there were a lot of errors, which I've gone over and fixed a couple times. And though I deem it ready for FanFiction, there are still a lot of errors! If you see any, please point them out. Do keep in mind, though, the speaker of this story (Len) is very illiterate and not very credible. So there are a lot of grammar errors quite on purpose – it hurt me a little on the inside each time I had to do that! –SHOT-**

**But, enough talking from me. It's time to let Test Tube Len do the talking. Ready, everyone? :3**

_Days whiz by me like nothing. I don't understand. How can every day be so insignificant, when time is the gift of life? What is life? I've been told that all I am is a computer program. But somehow, somehow I still exist in the real world. Do I have feelings? I feel them, but do they really feel? Or do I just think I feel? Does my heart beat like a real persons' does? What does a real person's heart feel like? Am I really alive?_

_ Sometimes I think I think too much._

~.~.~.~

**Ch1**

My name is Len Kagamine. I'm fourteen years old. Or maybe I'm only two years old. I've never changed in my two years of life. How am I to say I'm fourteen? How can I even say I live? I'm just a computer program, run though another program and created to walk in the living world.

I don't know if there's blood in my veins. Maybe there's just binary codes running back and forth underneath my skin. Maybe there's neither, and it's all just circuits and wires and I'll short out if I walk in the rain. I never have walked in the rain. I always stay home when it rains, since I'm scared I'll just… disappear.

I'm scared for the next year to come. High school. I learned that high school kids are mean. They pick out your weaknesses and spit them out at you like watermelon seeds. Or something like that. I don't know. The Doctor's a little crazy. He doesn't think I should go to school and thinks I should stay at home and keep learning from him. But he's really crazy. He was crazy enough to invent that whatever-it's-called machine that even brought me to where I am now. I'm not just program string of binary numbers, I'm a 3-D thing standing in front of you. But I can't really say if I'm alive or not. If you ask the Doctor, he'll tell you oh yes, yes, certainly he's alive! I didn't invent something that's not alive, of course. But he also swears on his grey hairs that I had a sister, too. A sister that malfunctioned and disappeared. I don't believe him at all. He looks at me weird when he says it. Besides, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. He was crazy enough to invent me, let alone another one of me.

~.~.~.~

I saw someone I've never seen today. I've been going to school for two weeks now, and she just transferred into my math class.

When I look in the mirror, I wonder if I'm looking at me or someone else. Is that me? Is that what I look like? Or is it just a hologram, or a thought, me wishing what I looked like? I don't know what I look like. If that's what I look like, I think I'm ugly. My cheeks are all chubby, and my eyes are too blue. My hair is too yellow. Everyone else has normal hair. And I'm so weird. I'm not like anyone else. I'm not even alive.

But that girl that transferred in. I want to know more about her. She has the same yellow hair that my reflection does. But her face is slim and she's not ugly. And her eyes are a darker, more oceany blue than mine. She's pretty. She looks like dandelions that grow out cracks on the sidewalk in the spring. That's exactly what she looks like. But even though she looks like me, we're not the same at all. She's a person, and she's alive. And me? I'm just a projection, a walking dummy. I don't know what I am. But whatever I am, I can't even prove I really exist. Maybe the entire world, the girl, the school, the people, maybe they're all just my imagination, my nonexistent dreams of a computer program, stored on your hard drive.

~.~.~.~

That girl… she came and talked to me today. She told me how strange it was that I reminded her of someone. But I told her that I probably reminded her of herself, and she laughed and said maybe. She has a very tinkly laugh. Something about her draws me in, I don't know, she makes me feel like I have a real heart beating in my chest. But there's nothing there, nothing but the beating of imagination.

She asked me to come and sit with her at lunch. I was a little scared, since the Doctor had so many scary stories about high school. Everything I know, I learned from him, so I was sure high school was bad. But this girl is nice. I wonder what her name is. But anyway, she asked me to sit with her and her friends. They all looked so nice, I couldn't help but sit with them.

I didn't say anything while I was sitting there, except for saying hi as I sat down. I like listening to them all talk to each other. They sound so comfortable, so close. I guess that's being friends. I wonder what it's like to have a friend.

~.~.~.~

I learned all of the girls' friends' names today. The blue haired one is Kaito, the green haired pigtail girl is Miku, the brown haired one who always wears really short red skirts is Meiko, and the pink haired one is named Luka. And I found out the girl's name too. It's Rin. Somehow, Rin's name reminds me of the giant bow on her head. That name fits.

What's in a name? Why are there names? Why isn't my name 00076210375? Why isn't Rin's name 6670826 and Kaito's name 22039523? Why are there even numbers? Is it just because people who are alive like to call things specifically by name? Am I just another thing? What's the difference between the name Meiko and the name toaster? They both have two syllables. But one is a person name and one is an object name. Why? Is it because one is capitalized and one is not? What makes the difference? Is my name an object name, or is it a person name?

~.~.~.~

My math teacher said something interesting today. He said "I think, therefore I am." What does that mean? I think I defy it. I do think, but I don't really exist, do I?

~.~.~.~

Rin said my mind flows like an exploding, over-swelled rain river. I think that's bad. Maybe I shouldn't think as much? But I don't really have anything else to think about. What do alive people think about? I wish I could know. I just think about existing.

How do I not think like how I think? How do I think like someone else? Meiko said the same thing as Rin. She said that I need to slow down. I think I'm kind of slow already, in PE class I'm always the last one to finish. Isn't that being slow? I don't want to be even slower. I think I'll get in trouble.

~.~.~.~

Today someone new sat with us at the table. They had long, purple hair, and they were like a girl, but Kaito said he was a boy. What's the difference between girls and boys? Meiko and Luka and Miku all have lumpy chests. But me and Rin and Kaito and Gakupo don't. But no one calls Rin he, they call her she. But her chest is flat like mine. What's the difference?

~.~.~.~

Someone asked me something weird today. They asked me why I'm so weird and spacey. Am I weird? Am I spacey? What is weird? Isn't being weird being different? And isn't everyone here different? I don't understand. Maybe I'll ask the Doctor when I get home. He always has answers to my questions. It's just that they normally don't pertain to anything.

~.~.~.~

Today there was no school, because it's a weekend. The Doctor said he needed help at the store to buy machine parts, so I went with him, but then we got separated and now I can't find him. I'm scared. I'm so scared. Even if I can't feel it, I feel like I can. I want to go home. But there's no one here, and I don't know where I am. And I don't know where the Doctor is, or where Rin is, or where Kaito is, or where home is.

It's getting dark, and I'm still not home. I've been walking down streets for hours. I'm cold. I've never felt like this before, I was crying but in a different way. I'm lonely. I want someone I know to come and give me a hug, so much.

~.~.~.~

I had to sleep in an alley last night. It was so cold. I woke up and still felt the same way I did last night. I wished that it was Monday, not Sunday, and that I was at school sitting at the table with Rin and Kaito and Meiko and Luka and Miku and Gakupo. But instead I was sitting beside a puddle watching people walk by. I thought maybe, maybe, maybe someone I knew would walk by and take me home. But no one did.

~.~.~.~

It was Monday and the sun was setting. I had stopped trying to go home. I decided I would just die on the sidewalk, and then disappear and go back to the nothingness that I had come from. I don't think I'd die like a normal person does. If I'm just a living computer program, that means computer programs get uninstalled when you don't want them. If a file goes bad, you put it in the Recycle Bin. I don't want to be uninstalled from the world, or recycled. I want to stay here. But I'm lost. It's all the Doctor's fault, I think that he left me alone on purpose. But if the Doctor left me here on purpose, and he knew me the longest of anyone ever, then I thought for sure that no one would come and save me. That is, until I looked over my knees and saw Rin walking on the sidewalk, right towards me with a look on her face I'll never forget.

She really is a dandelion.

~.~.~.~

I spent the entire night yesterday crying on Rin. I think I feel bad. She took me to her house, and I just cried instead of saying thank-you to her parents for letting me stay over that night. I didn't say much today, either. At lunch, I just sat next to Rin, and she had her arm wrapped around my shoulders. She makes me feel so safe, safe from the fears of disappearing into thin air, safe from the Doctor's experiments, safe from not existing, safe from everything. I really like her. She's so much nicer than anyone else at school, ever.

She even walked with me back home. But when she saw my house, she asked me why I called it home. I told her, I don't know, I've always lived here. And she asked me why I lived in a laboratory. I don't know why I live in a laboratory, but it's home. I guess. I don't really know what a home is. What makes a place home? I just thought home was where you slept at night. And I sleep here, in a room the Doctor assigned to me. There's computers and wires and scanners and screens all over, but I never see the Doctor use them. It's just those and my bed. But when I snuck into the Doctor's room, he didn't have a bed. There was no metal table, just a squishy thing. He said his bed is different from most beds. But the way Rin said no when I asked her if she wanted to come in, I think something's different now. I think he lied.

~.~.~.~

**Oh, and one more thing – I've got this story 100% completed. (Since I won NaNoWriMo with it and all lol) so for sure this one'll be done! But I'm debating whether to post them all up at once or do it at intervals. I'm leaning towards the latter.**

**If anyone wants to review, I'd love to see what you have to say :'D**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm putting up a few chapters so you guys have something to munch on :D Enjoy!**

**Ch2**

Everyone was looking at me weird today. It made me feel like I was fifty miles away from everyone, even when they were only a few inches away from me. Their stares make me feel so strange. I don't know what feeling it is. But it makes me sad.

Even everyone at lunch was avoiding me today. No one talked to me. Not even Rin. She just took a sidelong glance at me, her eyes looking less bright than usual, and turned back to talk to Miku. I don't think she cares about me anymore. If she ever did.

~.~.~.~

Today my math teacher said another interesting thing. He said that you can't prove you exist to other people, and that only you know you exist. But I think I'm the opposite of that too. I know that other people exist, but I don't think I exist. I wish I could prove I do, but I have this feeling that one day I'll fall over and scrape my knee, and all the binary numbers will leak out of me, and I'll be vaporized into the air and never seen again.

I almost feel like I'd rather have it that way, though. Everyone is still looking at me and avoiding me. I wish they would stop… I feel almost as lonely as I was when the Doctor left me alone last weekend. Maybe even more lonely. It's like everyone is gone, but they're right there. And I can't reach them.

~.~.~.~

Something exciting happened today. It's Saturday, so I was sitting at home on my bed, but then Rin came and visited me! I was so surprised, but so happy. I thought she would never talk to me again. This time, she came in, too, and I made sure to hide her from the Doctor in case he got mad. No one but he and I have ever been inside my house, so I was scared he would make me disappear if I made him mad.

So Rin and I hid in a storage room, and we just talked. Rin kept telling me sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry. I think she was apologizing because she thought it was weird that I lived in a laboratory and told everyone. She said she didn't know how to talk to me afterwards, because she felt bad. So that's why she didn't talk to me. It made me feel better that she came to tell me that today, instead of waiting. But I was still a little sad that she thought it was weird that I live here. Does she still think that?

I was going to ask her but then I heard footsteps. She heard it too, and we both got scared. He somehow knew where we were and opened the door. I was terrified of what he'd do. I hoped he would at least let Rin free, without running experiments or tests or anything bad on her. Sometimes they hurt, too. I didn't want her to hurt because of me.

To our surprise, though, he just stood in the doorway, staring at us huddled together in the corner of the room. He stepped in and crouched in front of us, him gazing directly into Rin's eyes. He started muttering to himself, how could this be, how is this possible, it can't be. Then he asked her what her name was. She told him Rin Ka—and he stopped her. He put his hand on her mouth. I wanted to know what her last name was. But I thought it was really cool that both our last names started with Ka.

He whispered to her, don't say it out loud here, he can't know, come with me, and he stood her up. She looked scared. I was scared too. I don't think I was supposed to hear him whisper that, but I did. I wanted to know why I couldn't hear Rin's last name. Maybe it's an old curse, I thought, like in those old stories from a long time ago with ghosts and stuff.

He looked at me sternly and frowned. Len, he said, go to your room, and go to sleep, and if you come out, you know what will happen. I nodded and left the storage room, looking at Rin as I left. I mouthed her a sorry, and she smiled at me a little as I walked down the hallway. They were going the other way. But what confused me was, they weren't going towards the front door.

When I got to my room, I didn't want to sleep, but since I was lying on my bed, all my thoughts of Rin put me to sleep. I just hope she escaped my house okay.

~.~.~.~

I feel like I missed a day. I think I slept all day Sunday, not waking up after I went to my room until it was time to go to school today. I've never slept that long in my life.

I was so happy to see Rin at school today. I was going to ask her if she was okay, but she asked me first. I asked her why she wanted to know if I was okay, since I just was sent to bed, but she didn't say anything. But I didn't get a chance to ask her if she was okay. Her eyes looked dull again. I think she was thinking about something bad about me again. She didn't sit close to me, and she didn't put her arm around me.

I asked her if something's wrong, but she said it's nothing and got up from the lunch table to take a walk around campus. I wanted to go, too, to keep her company, but Kaito beat me to it. Luka said that Kaito likes her, but she doesn't know.

I don't understand what Luka meant by saying Kaito likes her. I like her too. I like everyone else, too. I think all of us like each other. Everyone else doesn't treat me as strange any more, so I feel welcome again. But I still want to know why Kaito liking Rin is different from me liking Rin. I like her too, don't I?

~.~.~.~

Today Rin acted normal again. She and Kaito seemed a lot closer. She sat next to him instead of me. I felt sad. I don't know why she's so different and distant from me all of a sudden. I think the Doctor did something to keep her away from me. Maybe he knows something that I don't.

When I think about the way the Doctor speaks compared to Rin or Kaito or Luka or anyone else, the Doctor sounds different. I think maybe, I think that he's been lying to me, every day since I was born. He said high school is bad, but it's not. So he must have been lying about everything else he said too. I think he's been filling me with two years of lies.

~.~.~.~

Today Miku and Luka were talking about babies. I guess they have a class together about families and babies, and they have to carry babies around. I asked them where babies come from, and the whole table went silent. I asked them where the stork gets the babies he carries to people. So I asked where babies come from again. Everyone looked at me with weird looks, and went back to talking. But I still want to know where the stork finds his babies.

~.~.~.~

Today Kaito and Rin sat together at lunch again, but this time Kaito had his hand around Rin. Luka said that they're going out now. I wonder where they're going? I want to go, too. I think it'd be fun, for everyone to go somewhere together.

~.~.~.~

Kaito says that going out means girlfriend and boyfriend. He blushed. So maybe going out with someone means them making your face turn red? I don't know. I like Kaito though. He's very shy, but he tells me things when I ask him. Lots of other people just ignore me.

If me and Luka and Rin and Miku and Kaito and Gakupo and Meiko all went out together, would we all blush? I don't understand. They talk about going out together and having a party. They say I'm invited, too. But I don't want to blush. I think I look strange enough without a bright red face.

~.~.~.~

I've been thinking less and less about not existing. Maybe because, lately, I feel like I do exist, even if I don't. I do things every day, like real people, even if I'm not real and the things we do aren't the same.

I started to wonder, though. If I'm not real, why am I solid? Why am I not see-through or invisible? Maybe I really do exist, but just on a different level than the real people. That makes me feel excited. Maybe if I step out into the rain, I won't short circuit, maybe I'll get wet like the real people. Maybe my hair will stick to my face and my clothes stick to my body. Maybe I'll dance in the rain like real people on TV.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor said today that I was progressing. Progressing at what, I wonder? He's so crazy. I don't understand him at all. I think he is keeping a lot of things from me. I want to ask him why our beds are different. When I asked Kaito what most beds are like, he told me that they're soft and fluffy and warm. But my bed isn't, and I went to ask the Doctor why. He said that he lied to protect me. He said that I'm very special.

But I feel like he didn't mean that I'm special because of something good. I think he meant that there's something wrong with me. But, I guess I already knew that. I think that the Doctor knows, too, that I don't really exist. Maybe that's what he told Rin. Maybe he told her that I don't exist, and now she doesn't want to be my friend.

Wait… friend?

Is Rin my friend?

Is everyone at lunch my friend?

I still don't understand what a friend is, but I guess that Rin and Kaito and Luka and Meiko and Miku and Gakupo are my friends. Well, maybe not Rin. I don't think Rin is my friend any more. She won't talk to me at all anymore.

~.~.~.~

Today in my English class, we read a story about a robot. It didn't have any feelings, and it was like a living calculator. It was smart. And it was strong and good at sports. But then one day, it got wet, and it died. The people who were friends with it were sad and cried.

I guess that I'm not a robot, because I'm slow and weak, and I still have feelings. And I'm terrible at math, I don't understand it at all. But I wonder if I would die like the robot if I went out into the rain.

Maybe I can rule out my theory of circuits and wires under my skin. That would make me a robot, right? I don't think I'm a robot.

~.~.~.~

Someone in PE asked me today why I don't sweat. I don't know why I don't sweat. I don't drink water, so I guess I don't sweat. I guess I don't sweat because I'm not real.

Or maybe it's because I'm special, like the Doctor says. That's the answer he always gives me now. I asked him why I don't need to take showers, and he said it's because you're special, Len, that's all.

I think I'm glad I don't have to take showers, though. It sounds scary, like forced rain. I wouldn't want to disappear inside of a shower.

~.~.~.~

Today Rin talked to me again. She asked me if I had a pencil she could borrow. It made me happy that she talked to me, but after that she didn't say anything else. I wonder if it still bothers her that I'm not real. I wish the Doctor hadn't told her anything. Maybe then, Rin and I could still sit next to each other at lunch, laughing and smiling and hugging each other like nothing was wrong with me.

~.~.~.~

Today something scared me so much. I was sitting at lunch and suddenly couldn't breathe any more. I wasn't even eating anything, I was just sitting there and stopped breathing. I felt like exploding, and I was so scared, and I think I fell off the bench. I think I remember hearing Rin scream too. I don't know what happened. I don't remember anything after that, except waking up in my room and the Doctor hovering over me. Then he mumbled shit he's up, and something poked me and then I fell back asleep. I don't remember anything.

~.~.~.~

When I woke up this morning, my room was empty. I felt fine, so I started getting ready for school. But the Doctor stopped me. He stood in front of the door and told me I couldn't go. I got mad and tried to punch his stomach, but I guess I'm too weak. I never was that strong anyway.

But the Doctor laughed at me and said you're not going anywhere, Len. You're staying here today, and all the days after. And I asked him why, but he just said it's because I'm special. Again. I got furious, though, because I don't want to stay home. I want to see Rin, and Kaito, and… and my… friends.

~.~.~.~

I feel like I'm that robot that we read about in English class. I don't feel anything at all anymore. I don't feel angry, or sad, or anything. I don't feel anything. It feels so weird. I don't know how I can say it feels weird when I can't feel anything at all, but.. but I don't know. I don't feel like anything.

I feel like I'm dead inside.

The Doctor won't tell me anything, either. He tells me that he has to do a lot of research and experiments on me now. Normally I would feel scared but, but I don't feel anything now. I guess because I've lost my freedom. I'm like a bird in a cage now, and the Doctor's going to run his tests as much as he wants. I just don't care anymore. I could disappear into thin air like I'm always waiting for, and wouldn't have a thought left in this world.

~.~.~.~

Today the Doctor made me do something that he's never made me do before. He told me Len get inside that test tube, or you'll never go outside this laboratory ever again. It made my feelings come back, somehow. I was so happy that maybe I could go back to school if I did what he said.

But I'm scared. It's so big, and I'm scared he'll close the door after I step inside. What if I never come out? What if he's lying to me like all the other times? What if he just told me I could go back to school just so I'd go inside? I don't know anymore. He didn't even give me a chance to think, because I think he knows I was going to tell him no. So he put his cold hand on my back and shoved me in.

I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I don't even care that I hit my face on the cold glass inside of this thing. I don't care, I just want to get out. But he closed the door and now I can't get out. I start to cry and scream to the Doctor, let me out, let me out, please, please Doctor, let me out, but I see him smile and press a button. Water starts to fill the bottom, rushing around my feet. I start shaking my head, no, no, I'm so scared, Doctor, let me out! But the water just keeps coming, coming, and I shiver, ready to die or short circuit, or explode, or disappear, but it just keeps coming, and it finally goes over my head and I cough and everything just...

~.~.~.~

"Len, listen closely to what I'm saying. You are an imperfect being. Unlike your sister, you have malfunctioned. Your problems, so to speak, have been progressing at an overwhelming rate. I have been monitoring your physical deterioration each night ever since the day you were created.

"Although your sister and the models before her were created successfully, the program erred when you were being created. I was able to fix the program after you had been created, yet was unable to repair you.

"Your sister as well as the other models are all one hundred percent human, out in the world and living as we speak. However, Len, you are not. You are neither human nor machine. I am still trying to figure out what to call you. You do not age, you do not mature – you do not do many of the things required of a human. I had to install mechanical units into you in order to keep you alive. I've also installed devices to make you eat and sleep – as well as 'relieve yourself'. While most humans 'pee', you simply excrete mechanical waste. You do not drink things because I have programmed into your subconscious that drinking will kill you. It will. If water gets into your system, you will die. It can't be said whether water you drink will be absorbed into your body or simply discharged. That is why you cannot drink, for chance of death.

"Your body, although some parts do possess blood, is mostly made of a substance I have named Lenkamate. It is comprised of Oxygen and Carbon, as well as another substance I cannot identify.

"I will tell you more in time. I will now restore your mental process, so you can think to yourself and process all I have told you. However, your physical system is still offline. I still need to run more tests, and if you start breathing in the test tube the water surrounding your body will either drown or short circuit you. Restoring mental processes… now."

~.~.~.~

He lied to me, he lied, what has he done to me, what am I, why did he make me, where have I come from and where am I supposed to go? I want to see, I want to see, I want to move, let me out, please, let me scream out to you, tell you how scared I am and Doctor, why did you do this? Why didn't you let me die and try again? Why Doctor? Why won't you let me disappear or break down or shortcircuit or whatever, Doctor? Why am I stuck here, Doctor? What are you going to do with me? Who is my sister, where is she, why amn't I human too, Doctor, why did the program error with only me, why don't I mature, why can't you figure this all out, why won't you let me out, Doctor? Why did you make me, Doctor, why didn't you not make me and make everyone else, why was I born, what is the meaning of my life, Doctor, what's the meaning of my birth, why am I here, for what reason, Doctor, why didn't you just kill me when you knew there was something wrong with me? I want you to let me out, Doctor, even if I'm imperfect I still want to see, I want to be let out, I want to be free, I want to live with everyone else like I have been, Doctor, please won't you let me out?

Please hurry and finish your tests, Doctor, I want to see the sun shining in the windows and the dandelions on the sidewalk and the birds in the sky and all the people at school, Doctor, I don't like seeing black, I don't like not being able to move, please Doctor, please, please, please let me out!

~.~.~.~

"I'm sorry, Len, I had to shut down your mental process for today. You were thinking too much. Your strong mind started to activate your body's processes. Communicating directly to your brain like this just instigates more questions within you, it seems.

"You naturally ask so many questions, Len, because you lack understanding. You cannot grasp the living world because you are not truly alive. You have the mind of a two-year-old, instead of a maturing fourteen-year-old's brain. You have the capacity for the same intelligence, but lack it currently.

"Sometimes I wonder what else goes on in that brain of yours. You are truly fascinating, Len, which is why I—someone's coming..!"

"Len, can you hear me Len? Len, are you alive? Are you okay Len? Does this connect to your mind, Len? I—"

"He can hear you, that is a microphone that connects to his brain directly. But his mental and physical processes are deactivated right now. Don't even try, Rin. It's hopeless, your brother model is a complete failure. He simply cannot continue living in the world you and the other models do."

"I don't care! Get him out of there, now!"

"I can't. He is undergoing a vital test, and if he—"

"No! No! Len, you want out, right, right? I'm sorry for avoiding you! I just couldn't believe that we're—we—forget about that now, Len, I'm getting you out! I'm trying this button!"

"Don't, that one's his me—"

Where am I? Rin? Rin? Rin? Did you come to save me? Rin, Rin, please please please let me out, the Doctor's gone mad, he really knows I'm not alive, he knows so much about me, and I don't know anything, and I'm scared, I'm scared, please let me out, I want to see you, I want to live, I want to live with you and everyone else in the world, I don't care if I'm doing to die, I don't, I don't, I just want to come out, please, please let me out please! I—

"Are you mad?! His mental process will activate his body's physical processes, and he'll just end up killing himself!"

"….I-I…"

"Leave. You are human, you're alive. You have no need to return to this laboratory, the place of your birth. Children do not return to the place they are born. I have tests to run on him. Do not come back."

"B-but—"

"Leave."

"…"

"I'm sorry, Len, I just had an unwanted visitor. I am beginning to regret telling her that you are her brother. Forgive me, I did not intend for all this to happen. I just wanted her to be better off, by avoiding you, an imperfect creation. Dear god, I don't know what I have done. I have to rethink everything I've been doing. God, I don't know what I should do any more. If I ever reactivate you, Len, I'd hope you would forgive me."

~.~.~.~


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch3**

Where am I? Where did Rin go? What happened, what's going on? I thought the Doctor said he wouldn't – now the Doctor tells me Len, I've decided to give you one more shot, so don't do anything stupid. I don't think I did anything wrong, I hope I didn't, all I remember doing was passing out because I couldn't breathe and then losing my feelings and then now I'm here.

But I don't feel anything. I don't feel. I don't feel any more. I still can't see or move. But I don't feel scared or panicked or lonely or sad. What happened to me? What did he do? What did the Doctor do to me?

He tells me not to worry, because he found a way to shut off my emotions so I wouldn't get worked up and kill myself. So I guess he still hasn't let me out.

I want him to let me out. I hope Rin comes back to let me out. I don't think the Doctor will let me out.

The Doctor says that someone special is here to see me. But I don't know how they can see me if I'm inside of a test tube. Well, I guess they can see me. I just can't see them.

The Doctor keeps telling me that he's going to have to tell me something important so he'll have to turn off my mental processes again. I hate him for doing this to me. I don't think I'm a light switch to be turned on and off. I'm not a robot. I'm a person. I'm a person, I want to be a person. Not an electrical appliance…

"Sorry Len, but listen here. I'm going to drain the test tube now. After you are out, I need you to lay low for a while and keep quiet. Your special visitor is waiting in your room, so go there first. Deactivation of test tube functions commencing… restoring emotions, mental processes, and physical movement…. Now."

H-huh? He's letting me free? I can get out? I'm free? I squeezed my eyes and opened them, eager to see. Water still gurgled at my feet, but I didn't even care. The door to the tube opened, and fresh air burst in, making my skin tingle. It was cold. But it felt so nice… felt so nice. Freedom feels so nice.

I coughed and sputtered and fell on my knees as soon as I stepped out. The tile was cold and hard and it didn't feel much like freedom. But I looked up and looked around the room, glad that it still looked the same as it did when he shoved me in there. It wasn't like those scary sci-fi movies where people get locked in time and then they're freed and it's hundreds of years in the future. So it was okay.

I looked up to the window he was standing in, the same one where I saw him smile and press that button, but this time he wasn't smiling and his hand wasn't on a button. He just looked at me.

I stood up slowly, my legs shaky and unsturdy. I feel like I would just fall over like the card houses they make on TV out of those cards. One person sighs and the whole thing falls over, that's what I feel like. But I took one step forward and then another, and then I could walk okay again, so I started going back to my room. I feel like the Doctor is watching me, but I don't turn back to him to look. I don't want to. Even if his eyes have laser vision burning holes in my back, I don't want to turn back and look at him.

When I get to my room, I'm so so happy. It's Rin! I never thought I would see Rin, ever ever ever again, because the Doctor told her to leave and never come back and he said I could never leave the laboratory ever again but then Rin was sitting right there, on my bed. As soon as I came in she smiled and stood up, running up to me and hugging me. I'm so happy right now. Rin says she was so worried, but I tell her that it's okay because the Doctor didn't kill either of us.

Then me and Rin just sit on the bed. She says that I was in there for almost three weeks, but I don't remember it at all. I just remember a day or two.

I rested my head on her shoulder, and she put her hands around me again. It makes me feel so happy and safe when she does that. I started to cry and tell her how scary it was. I feel bad about always making her listen to me, but she doesn't say anything about it and just hugs me. It makes me feel so safe and special. Not the kind of special the Doctor always called me, but the kind that makes you feel like no one can take it from you. The kind of special that, only one person can be, the kind of special that is only me.

~.~.~.~

Rin came to visit me again today. She says that it's Sunday today, and that tomorrow she's going to tell everyone that I was sick. But I told her that I'm going to sneak out and go to school tomorrow, because I like school. She had a worried look on her face, but I told her that I'm totally fine and won't stop breathing at lunch again. I suddenly realized that I forgot to say sorry for that, but when I said sorry she got mad and clenched her fists, shaking them back and forth.

She seemed to be avoiding the fact that I'm not a real person. I guess the Doctor told her everything. It must be hard for her to have to deal with the fact that she was made from a computer program. But it must be even harder for her to know that she almost had a brother, too, but he failed and doesn't function properly.

~.~.~.~

Today I left the house before the Doctor woke up, just so I could sneak to school. At lunch, everyone was happy to see me. It made me happy. If they missed me, then it must mean that I'm their friend, too. But now I feel different. I always feel like we can't be close like we used to be. Not even Rin and I. Because they, they're human, and me, I'm… I—I don't know what I am. Maybe I'll still disappear into thin air instead of shorting and dying as a hunk of metal and flesh.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor got so mad at me yesterday that he locked me in my room, so I'm still stuck in here today. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel dull inside. Maybe the gears that do what a heart does got rusty. Or maybe the metal rods that make up my bones are decomposing and turning into aluminum.

I don't feel happy anymore like I used to. I used to still be happy even though I thought I would just one day disappear. Now I just feel empty. I don't have a heart, I don't even have real body parts. But I can't even call myself a robot, because I'm still half alive, too. I wish I knew what I was. I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

Maybe I _will_ just stop going to school like the Doctor says. I should just listen to him now. He knows so much more about me than I do. Even if he drowns me in water tubes and pokes needles in my arms and puts metal blocks on my chest and measures me and does experiments with me, I think he probably knows more about what I should do with myself than I do.

It's too hard to keep going to school. I don't think I should be around real people any more. I might spread like a disease and make them inhuman, too.

But… I don't want to die either. And I don't want to never see Rin again, either. I don't know what to do with myself. My head hurts. I feel tired, maybe I'll just climb into bed and sleep my life away, until the gears stop turning and the pumps stop pumping.

~.~.~.~

Why am I alive? Why did the Doctor make me and Rin and everyone else? For them, they don't need to know why they're alive. To everyone else, they just are, and they're happy with that, because they have the understanding of life to just accept that they're alive and that's the end of it and they're alive just because they're alive. But since I don't have the understanding of an alive person to understand that I'm alive, because I'm not alive, I want to know why I exist. One day, I'm going to find out the truth of why the Doctor made me. I want to find out the meaning of my birth. And I think that the Doctor is the only one that has my answer.

~.~.~.~

Today the Doctor came into my room and told me that he had a surprise for me. I got scared and asked him if I had to go back in the test tube, but he laughed and said no, you don't, it doesn't involve you today. So I told him okay and we went to the lab together, and right there sitting on the edge of the lab table was a girl with a long blonde ponytail on the side of her head. She looked up at me but her eyes had no life in them, and I stepped back a little. She scared me, just a little.

Len, the Doctor said, this is Neru Akita. She's the newest model to be created through my People Creator. I asked him People Creator? What's that? It sounds kind of scary, and it is actually. He said that's what he makes the people with, including me. That's what had the error when it made me. But now it doesn't have errors anymore and the doctor makes more people with it. The Doctor keeps talking. Neru, like the model before her, was a success. Now there's two models after you, Len, and they both are fully human and alive.

But I asked him why the girl doesn't look alive. He said it's because inside of her, things are still forming. He says she should be alive by tomorrow. I don't know whether to be excited or scared. I just feel kind of disgusted, how the Doctor makes people. And then he messed up and then a thing like me came out. Someday, I think, I want to destroy his people maker. I think the real humans should be left to the stork, how humans are supposed to be. I don't want any more Len Kagamines in this world. One is more than should have ever existed.

~.~.~.~

Today I was surprised. Neru was up and walking around. I went into the TV room, and she was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal. I felt a little bad. I'm scared to eat cereal, because milk is like water and then I'll die.

Who the hell are you? She asked me when I sat down next to her. This is my couch so get off. I did but I looked at her and felt sad. She won't let me sit on my couch. I told her I'm Len, I live here, and you just got here yesterday, and this is actually kind of my couch and I sit here every day. But she just snorted and kept watching TV.

I sat on the floor next to the couch and had to watch from the floor. Something felt very unbalanced inside of me. I hope she leaves soon.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor says that Neru won't really remember these days at home once she gets adopted. I wonder how that works? I don't think anyone would want to adopt Neru, though. She's annoying and rude and irritating. I even like the Doctor more than her.

I guess she likes herself, too. I tell her not to do things because it's mean, and she just keeps doing it. But it's weird. The Doctor made her from nothing, yet she exists and knows so much. She even knows more than me. I don't understand how, she's only been alive for two days.

~.~.~.~

Today Neru came into my face and said to me hahaha, I'm getting out of this dump tomorrow. And then I'm going to school, which sadly for both of us it's the same one as you. I asked her why she doesn't like me, and her answer confused me. She told me I don't hate you, you're just the same as any other person I've ever met.

Besides that just being plain confusing, I don't understand how she can say that. The only two people she's ever met are me and the Doctor.

~.~.~.~

Neru left today. I can finally sit on my couch again. But it feels a little empty, I don't know. I miss Rin and everyone at school. I'm scared to ask the Doctor if I can go back, though, because I don't want to be locked in my room again.

I did ask the Doctor why Neru said she knows people. He said it's because when people are created through his machine, fake memories are made into a past for them, as well as the knowledge a person of their age should have. I don't know what to think. I didn't get memories. The only memories I have are the ones after the first day I was awake here.

And I remember that I didn't know anything. The Doctor had to teach me everything I know now. I guess my brain was just another part of me that didn't form correctly. I really am just a failed person.

~.~.~.~

I went back to school today, the Doctor said it was okay. I got to sit next to Rin at lunch, but she still had her arms around Kaito and he had his around her. I guess they're still going out. I wish I could be the one Rin was hugging. Or I wish that Rin would hug both me and Kaito, and then everyone would be happy.

~.~.~.~

Gakupo says that men need bonding time, so he invited me and Kaito to his house. I don't know what it's like to have manly bonding time, since I don't even understand what the difference between girls and boys is except for lumpy chests.

Gakupo showed us all of his samurai sword collection. It was kind of scary, I've never seen so many sharp things in one place, except for the Doctor's exacto-knife cabinet. But those are small, for little wires. These ones make you feel like they're for chopping heads and arms. I hope I never have to get chopped with one of them.

Kaito looked just as scared as I did, though, so we told Gakupo that we had to go and we went to go get ice-cream because Kaito said he wanted some. I asked him how they make it, because it's so cold and creamy but it still stays in place and it's strange. I've never had it before. It's hard but soft at the same time. He just shrugged and said I don't know, but it's tasty, so we both ate our ice-creams together without any more questions.

~.~.~.~

I'm so scared. Something's wrong with me today. The Doctor's ready to put me in the test tube, but I told him no no no I am not going in there again. I can't move very well, and it hurts to breathe. It's hard to get the air in and out. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I'm scared. I think the ice-cream had extra water in it. Maybe it made something short-circuit inside of me.

I hope that tomorrow, I wake up and find out that today was just a bad dream.

~.~.~.~

Today the Doctor says that he's created an upgrade for the mechanical parts of my body, so it'll make the parts inside of me more efficient, and then I'll get better. I still can't breathe well or move today. It's worse than yesterday. I'm scared, I can't get off of my bed. I can't even really talk.

The Doctor poked something into my hand, and something warm started spreading through my arm. Then it spread to the rest of me, and it felt like I was under a big comfy blanket, clearing my lungs and loosening my joints. But then it changed, and I turned to ice. It felt like every single thing under my skin turned into blades and knives.

I started screaming and thrashing, the pain reaching from head to toe, searing at my fingertips. I don't know what went wrong, I don't know, but it hurts, it hurts Doctor, make it stop please, please. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, me still screaming and crying and flailing about. What had started as a cure had turned to an absolute disaster.

~.~.~.~

**So my friend Luka named this story Test Tube Len. I hadn't been liking its given name, so I myself began calling it Test Tube Len. And that name sticks even now. I love my TTLen 3**

**TTLen: I don't think it's the Doctor that hates me, I think it's you. D':**

**Me: Lol. Sorry TTLen.**

**TTLen: :C**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry I forgot to upload more of this! _**

**I'm gonna go and upload the next 3 chapters for you guys. Enjoy!**

**---**

**Ch4**

"Hey, Len, can you hear me?"

I blinked my eyes open, flitting my eyelids against the bright light over my head.

"Len, are you awake? How do you feel?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but nothing came out. I felt disoriented, like my mind was detached from my body. The Doctor's voice was too direct, too strong…

"Oh, sorry, buddy. Forgot. Anyway, you don't seem to be feeling anything at the moment. Good. Get some rest, yes?"

I closed my eyes again. I hurt. All over. And I didn't feel a thing. Again. I started drifting off to sleep, faintly figuring he turned off my emotions again.

~.~.~.~

Hey, Len, Len, are you okay? The Doctor's told me everything, I got worried you weren't there Friday, and then you weren't here today at school, he says you've been asleep for a day, and the last time you—Len?

I opened my eyes, this time finding myself in my room. I sat up, seeing Rin beside the bed, smiling at me. I smiled back and opened my mouth to greet her, but again nothing came out. I put my hand to my chest, trying to tell Rin hi Rin, I'm glad you came, I'm okay now, but I wasn't before, but nothing came out.

And then I felt a weird tug at the back of my neck. I moved my hand to feel what was back there, and discovered something stuck to me. And then I saw a wire on the bed, attached to a machine of some kind, and the other end… going up towards my neck.

I started panicking, why am I attached to this, why am I plugged in, I'm not a machine, I don't have plugs, since when was there a plug on me, what's going on? I tried to pull it out but Rin gasped and grabbed my hand telling me no, Len, don't take that out, you're on electrical support right now, the upgrade messed up your main operating system, that machine over there took over for now, if you unplug yourself you might die.

I don't know why, but it makes me mad that everyone knows more about me than I do. I don't care that it's because the Doctor told her it, she still knows that and I don't. And I don't want to be plugged in to a machine. I want to stand up and pull it out and tell Rin and the Doctor see, I'm not dead, I'm alive.

You can't do that Len, Rin says, because you won't be alive if you unplug it. How do you know that? She just read my mind! Rin, how did you do that? That was weird. And I'll still be alive, I—

No, you won't be alive Len, Rin says, and I didn't read your mind, the machine also displays what you're thinking on that screen, see? I looked over and saw exactly what I was thinking on the screen. Cool! Cool! was on the screen. How does it do that? How does it do that? was on the screen. I looked away. That's confusing, seeing my thoughts on the screen. I don't like that. And then I realized that it was showing my thoughts because it was plugged into me. That stupid machine, stupid Doctor, stupid everyone. I wish that I was either human or dead, because being half human and half dead and half machine is just too much.

Don't think that Len, Rin says, because I would miss you if you were dead.

And when I think about it, I think too, I would really miss Rin if I died.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor says that I can't go back to school until he installs new vocal cords into me. He's still trying to figure out what went wrong when he tried to install the upgrade in me. That word makes me mad, upgrading me. People upgrade machines and computer programs, not people. But then, I realize, I almost forgot, I am a machine, I am a computer program.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor told me that he has to leave the port on the back of my neck, and that from now on he's going to use that for tests instead of the magnetic distribution system in my hand. I don't really know what he's talking about, but all I know is that now I'm going to have to explain why I have a computer port on the back of my neck to everyone at school.

He said he's going to try upgrading me again, and I get scared, because the last time was too much to handle, and if that happens again I'd rather stay like this, but he says it shouldn't happen this time because he's using the port, so instead it'll just deliver the computer signals, or something like that. I didn't feel anything when he did it. But I felt a lot better afterwards, I felt stronger and more energetic and breathing was nice and easy again. I wanted to tell him thanks, Doctor, but my voice still doesn't work. But he said you're welcome and laughed, and then he left the room, and I looked at the screen and saw my own thoughts again. I think the Doctor has been getting nicer lately, now that he stopped lying.

~.~.~.~

When I woke up this morning, my throat hurt really bad. I realized that I wasn't in my room but was on the lab table, in the laboratory. The Doctor came over to me right away and asked me do they work? And I asked him does what work, but then I realized that I could talk, and the he said good and walked away. I don't really feel that great today though. My voice is all scratchy and weird. It feels weird to talk again. I decided not to go to school, but I'm definitely definitely going back tomorrow.

~.~.~.~

Len! Hey, Len, we've been missing you, what's been going on? That's what Meiko said when I sat down at the table today. Kaito looked over too, and said oh gosh Len, I hope you're not allergic to the ice-cream, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry Len, but even though that would have been a good answer I tell him no it wasn't that. Rin gives me a look, though, and I get the feeling I'll have to deal with her later.

Luckily, no one noticed the port on the back of my neck. But I'm dreading for when someone does. Or at least when someone tells it to me. I mean, people sit behind me in all my classes. I'm sure someone's noticed by now.

~.~.~.~

I was sad that today is Saturday, because I had just gone back to school and was looking forward to it. But I have lots of make-up work to do, and it usually takes me a really really long time to do it. Since I'm a robot, I wish I had a super robotic computer brain, so that I could do math and other stuff all fast. I bet I'm dumber than the rocks outside on the sidewalk.

~.~.~.~

Today the Doctor told me something I would rather have never heard. He said that since I keep getting more problems and am deteriorating, he says that I won't last very long. He says maybe a few more years, at most.

Now I feel like there's a timer sitting on my head, showing how much longer I have left to be alive but I can't see it because it's on top of my head. I realized today that I really really really don't want to die, I'm scared. I don't want to stop working, I don't want to disappear.

But then, I think, if I died, the world would be better. Because, the world should be made of only humans, humans and their machines, and not people like me caught inbetween.

~.~.~.~

I don't feel good today. I feel like there's a weight inside of me, and I always feel like crying. I don't want to die. I don't want my gears to stop turning, I don't want my pumps to not pump and my machines stop working. Today just kind of slummed by. I don't know if that's even a word. But it sums it up pretty good.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror today and I think I look different. My eyes don't seem too blue anymore. They look like dirty water in the sink after you finish washing the dishes.

But I think that's a good thing. Something that's ugly on the inside should look ugly on the outside, too.

~.~.~.~

Today Rin stopped me at lunch and said to Kaito sorry Kaito but I have to talk to Len and then she pulled me over behind a building. Then she said Len, Kaito said something about ice cream yesterday, did you eat it? And I told her um yeah, it was so hard but squishy and tasty. And then she gasped and said they make it mainly with milk, and that's why I got all messed up. I didn't know what to think, either because I was dumb enough to eat it or something else.

Maybe my don't-eat-water system is failing too.

~.~.~.~

I think I've been getting too many answers, lately. I used to ask too many things but now I get too many answers, I wish I could hit an equilibrium like the real humans do. But I think I'm off because of me not being real, since I don't have human understanding and everything.

I wonder, though, if a robot boy like me can ever have human understanding. Especially if he knows he's going to die because he lacks too much humanity. I don't think robots can ever be human, because you're either human or machine if you keep living, not like me who is stuck in the middle and is going to stop working one day soon.

~.~.~.~

Today Rin pulled me over again at lunch and asked me if something was wrong with me, and I told her yes there's lots of things wrong with me, don't you know that the day I was born there was something wrong with me, I'm not human but I'm not machine either, I'm both, I'm a failed model. And she said no no no, not that, I mean right now, you're not asking questions and you've lost your spark, is something wrong?

I told her I hope I didn't lose my spark, because I guess that'd mean my parts would stop working now and I would die now instead of later.

And then she stopped and her eyes opened big and she said what?

And I told her didn't you know, Rin? I'm going to die, the Doctor says I have a few years at the most, because I'm just a faulty model that can't survive on it's own, so I'm going to stop working soon.

And then I regretted telling her, because she grabbed my shoulders and started crying. I didn't ever want to see Rin cry, it made me want to cry too, and I couldn't help it so I started crying too. She said I'm not going to let you die, Len, I promise, but I don't know how Rin can say something like that because she can't promise that I'm not going to die. I'm going to die whether she promises I won't die or not.

~.~.~.~

I wonder why it doesn't bother Rin that she's made from a computer program. Maybe because she's perfectly human, so she has nothing to worry about, she's going to mature and age and then die when she's old, like every human does. But I'm not going to mature or age. I'm just going to die.

~.~.~.~

Rin came to visit me today. It made me really happy, I'm glad that she comes to see me now. I always feel weird talking to her with Kaito right there, because her and Kaito are special when they sit together and I don't want to interrupt.

Rin said to me I'll be right back and then she went to go talk to the Doctor. I don't think I was supposed to, but I went to go listen in to what they were saying.

There's nothing I can do, the Doctor says, except to keep replacing faulty parts. It's more of a hassle than it's worth. I'll just study him for now and see what happens. I told you last time, Rin, he's not really alive and never will be. It's in your best interest to stay away from a faulty model such as him, and go make real, human friends. Len's told me about where you eat lunch. Everyone that you sit with, I made. I conditioned all of you to stick together. Only some of you heeded it however; not all of my creations sit with you. Rin gasped, and asked the doctor how can that be true? We're all made from computer programs? Why do only I know? And the Doctor says it's because you followed the monstrosity back here and then I had to tell you.

That was enough for me to hear. I don't want to be a failed monstrosity robot boy. I want to be a real person.

~.~.~.~

Today Rin came again but asked me if I wanted to go somewhere with her. I got excited and told her yes yes yes I do! But the Doctor overheard and said no, you can't go anywhere, you'll just wear yourself down faster. I felt so sad, because I wanted to go with Rin. But then I pointed to the side of my house and then snuck into the Doctor's room and went out the window.

I think that if I'm going to die anyway, I should enjoy my time left. I _am_ alive, after all. Because, only alive things can die.

~.~.~.~

Today Luka smiled at me and told me to lean in to her so she could tell me a secret. Then she said, guess what, Kaito finally kissed Rin! I'm so happy for them, they're great together, aren't they?

And I didn't really know what to say to that, because even though they're great together, Kaito takes Rin away from me. She doesn't sit next to me at lunch like she used to a long time ago. Now Rin has to come to my house in order to just talk to me. It doesn't feel right.

And Rin doesn't look happy anymore. I wish I didn't tell her that I was going to stop working. Then none of this would have happened, and she would still be smiling and laughing her tinkly laugh like always.

~.~.~.~

Something terrible happened today. Well, maybe not too terrible, but it might have been. Neru transferred into my English class and my math class. And she came up to me and said, hey you, you look familiar, do I have a picture of you on my cell phone or something? And then she started looking through her pictures, and to my surprise she actually had one. Then she exclaimed aww, you look so much cuter in real life than you do here! and hugged me.

I think whoever adopted her did something very strange to her mind.

~.~.~.~

Today something weird happened. We were all sitting at the lunch table when a stork came and landed on the table. It put it's foot on Rin's sandwich. Then I asked it where it found it's babies, and then it clattered it's bill and flew away. It didn't answer me at all. I don't understand why no one will answer my question.

~.~.~.~

Today it was raining, so I had to stay home. I hate the rain. I wish that it would either stop raining forever and ever, or I could just walk in the rain. I wonder if the water in the Doctor's test tube was different than the water outside, because I don't think I short-circuited at all when he put me in there. Some day, I want to try walking in the rain. I mean, I'm going to die anyway, so I might as well try it.

~.~.~.~

It was still raining today. I don't know how long this is going to last, it makes me feel so unsettled and grumpy. I want to go to school. I want to see Rin and everyone else. Being stuck here at home just reminds me that I'm going to die sometime soon, and I don't want to think about that. Going to school gets it off my mind a little.

I think it was the stork's fault that it's raining. I think the stork hates me, because I'm not human like the babies it carries to people. If I carried real human babies to people, I would hate a weird person like me, too.

~.~.~.~

Today I asked the Doctor why he likes to make people. He didn't give me an answer, but he showed me his People Creator, and it's just a little machine that looks like a projector. It was plugged into a computer, and both of them were off. It's easy, the Doctor says, all you do is pull up a picture from the Vo—from online, and then turn on the People Creator. But it's only designed for a very special type of person.

And I asked him, what kind of special person? What's Vo? And he said I'll tell you someday, Len, but not now.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor went out to the parts store today and left me home alone, so I snuck up into the People Creator room and turned on the computer. I saw a picture of me and Rin. I guess that because Rin is on the left side of the picture, the people maker made her first. And then it tried to make me and failed.

I noticed though that Rin doesn't have that weird number on her arm. Neither do I. We were in his Completed Projects folder. I wanted to know if he was planning to make more people, so I went into his To-Do Project folder. There were so many pictures, I don't know how he decides which one to make next. Actually, I don't know how he can even do this. It's gross. Making people from pictures is gross. It's really gross. It's sick.

So I was about to delete his to do folder when he burst into the room and screamed Len don't do it or I'll ki—and then he stopped and said Len, don't delete that or you know what will happen.

And I told him I don't care what will happen, I just want you to stop making people. And he said I'm not going to stop, because my machine is brilliant and I could make more like it and sell it for lots of money. And then, we'd be rich, Len, and live in a big mansion. Besides, people are the gift of life, and by me making people I'm making life. I think that's fantastic, don't you, Len? Now let go of the mouse, get up from the chair, Len…

I don't want a mansion, Doctor, besides, I won't even be alive to live in one, and besides, Doctor, I don't want any more people like me in the world, one is enough, I don't want you to make more failed people, and I—

And as I was talking he pulled out some weird gun with a rod sticking out from the middle and mumbled sorry but you leave me no choice, and then he pressed it and I couldn't move anymore, I fall to the floor, what's happening to me, what happened, I can't move, why am I blacking out?

~.~.~.~

Electrical shock, he says, and I sit up. If you delete those files, Len, my work's over, y'see. I can't have that happening. Well I can, I mumble, and I'm so stiff. It's still raining today. I hope Rin didn't try to visit while I wasn't conscious, because that would make me mad. I hate how the Doctor thinks I can be turned on and off like his computer.

I wish he would take me more seriously. I can talk and think like a real person, I can walk and laugh and cry and hurt like a real person. It's just, I'm not a real person. I'm a fake real person. Real people aren't half machine. I guess the Doctor sees that. If I'm a machine, I'm sure he thinks that I can be turned on and off like one. But I don't want to be turned off and on like a machine, I want to just stay on like a real person. I don't want to have an off switch. The Doctor keeps telling me I am deteriorating and doing extra things will make me die faster, but he's the one shooting electrical currents at me to shut me down. I don't understand.

~.~.~.~

It finally stopped raining today, but it was still too damp outside for me to go to school. Being at home is boring, and I always feel scared that the Doctor's gonna shut me off again or put me in the test tube. I always feel like he's standing behind me, watching me, making sure I behave myself like a good dog, but then I turn around and he's not there. It's scary. I wish I could live somewhere else, somewhere without all the machines and experiment equipment and the People Creator. I want to live somewhere where I can just forget that I'm a failed human model, that all I am is an imperfect mechanical boy.

~.~.~.~


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch5**

Today I got to go to school again, and something creepy happened at lunch. I was just sitting there at the table, and then someone snuck up behind me and hugged me really really tight and then they had their hands around my neck and I was like keh keh stop it I can't breathe!

And then they said oh sorry Lenlen, I just missed you these past few days, and—hey what's that on the back of your neck? I got scared and put my hands on the back of my neck, and just quickly muttered to her nothing nothing it's nothing. I turned around and saw it was Neru. I think I almost barfed.

Oh okay, well I didn't expect to see you here, what are you doing? I told her umm I am sitting with my friends. And you'll never believe what Neru did next, she squeezed in and sat between me and Rin. Right after I finally got to sit next to Rin again. And I got mad, because I like sitting next to Rin.

Neru, go somewhere else! But then she said oh Lenlen, I didn't know you had a temper, hey look at this, I got a new cell phone today, and…

I think that my life is spiraling down towards the underworld.

~.~.~.~

I had a very very weird dream last night. I dreamed that I was a stork, and that I couldn't deliver babies to anyone because I didn't know where to get the babies from. So I was flying all over the world to find the baby store or baby stockpile or something wherever the babies are stored for the storks to get them, but I got lost and flew somewhere where it was snowing.

But since I was a stork instead of a robot who can't get wet, when the snow hit my stork feathers it was cold and made me shiver but it felt so nice. It felt like someone was putting cold sprinkles on me. But it felt nice, and it wasn't scary or painful.

I wonder if that's what real snow feels like, too?

~.~.~.~

Today Neru came back to our table. But as soon as she got there I got up and said oh come to think of it, I have something I need to do and then I ran away. I stopped behind one of the buildings to catch my breath and then I sat down because running is really really tiring. I think Neru is really annoying and she makes me not want to sit at the normal table with Rin and Kaito and everyone else just because I don't think I like her.

Len, what are you doing? I heard Rin and I looked up and she was standing right in front of me. I told her I'm hiding from Neru. And Rin asked why, and I told her that Neru is the Doctor's newest person and she was grumpy before but now she's all over me and it's really scary and makes me feel slimy.

Rin laughed and I was glad she thought it was funny but it's not funny to me. I wish Neru would go away. You really don't like her, do you? Rin asks. I tell her I don't think so, she won't leave me alone, and now I can't sit at lunch with you guys because she is getting in the way. I don't know why she changed so much from the day after she was made.

Then Rin suggested we ask the Doctor. Maybe something's wrong with her. I nodded and said good idea, I'll ask, and then Rin said I'll come too, since it's Friday, I'll walk with you. I smiled. I like it when Rin spends time with me.

~.~.~.~

Yesterday the Doctor told us that the person who spends the most time with the newly created person sticks in the new person's mind, because they leave an impression. So basically, since I sat next to the TV next to Neru and tried to talk to her, now she is all over me like flies on horse poop. Not like I'm trying to compare myself to horse poop or anything, but…

Anyway, today I've been trying to come up with ways to get Neru to leave me alone. I don't want to say something like I don't like you right to her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I wish there was some way to get her to go somewhere else.

~.~.~.~

Today Rin came to visit me and we started trying to think of ways to make Neru leave. I'm glad that Rin is helping me get rid of Neru, she says that if I don't want her there then she's going to do anything she can to help me. It made me feel very happy, no one ever was as nice to me as Rin is.

Rin finally thought of something, she said a lot of girls I know hate it when guys burp, Len, what if you burped in Neru's face? And I tried to think of what burping was, but then I remembered one day when the Doctor drank something and burped. And then I asked Rin skeptically, burping, really? And then we started laughing because it was so ridiculous.

And then when we stopped laughing I told her, Rin I don't think I can burp because I can't drink and besides, I don't think half robot boys like me can burp. So then we went back to thinking, and then she said what if I burp? And then we burst out laughing again and I asked her why she likes the burping plan so much. She just said I don't know.

So then we decided, okay, Rin burps in Neru's face and makes Neru go away, and then Len doesn't have to deal with her anymore. It's a very good plan.

~.~.~.~

Me and Rin met up this morning before school started and she was drinking a huge thing of soda. And then when lunch came, she was still drinking it, and then Neru came over and sat between me and Rin again, and was talking about taking me and stuffing me in her closet so she could look at me whenever she wanted to, it was really creepy and kind of scary, I don't want to be locked in Neru's closet, especially just because she thinks I'm cute, I don't like Neru anyway. And then Rin turned to Neru and said hey Neru, and Neru turned around and Rin burped right in her face. Me and Rin started laughing and then everyone else did too, except for Neru who stood up and stomped off. Rin gave me a thumbs up and I gave her one back. I think we work well as a team.

~.~.~.~

Neru didn't bother us today, so me and Rin decided it was a job well done. Miku says that it was kind of a mean thing to do, since Neru wasn't really that bad, she didn't do anything wrong after all, but I told Miku that I really really didn't like her and Miku said well that's rare. But I don't think Miku approves of what we did. I guess that's okay. I don't think Neru approves of what we did either. She didn't talk to me today at all, thank goodness.

~.~.~.~

I noticed today that every time Kaito tries to hug Rin close to him, Rin kind of pulls away. I wonder if she doesn't like Kaito anymore? Meiko always looks at Kaito weird now, too. I wonder if something happened. It seems like everyone at our lunch table is falling apart.

I just noticed, if you take that literally, I'm falling apart the most. I mean, all my little machine parts are faulty. I'm faulty, aren't I?

~.~.~.~

School is going to go on break now on what everyone's calling Christmas Break. There's just today and tomorrow, and then we're off. The Doctor says that Christmas is a holiday where people sit under a big tree called a Christmas Tree and give each other presents. He says there's also a big fat guy whose name I can't remember who goes down your chimney and leaves you a present that you want the most.

It sounds kind of scary. I'm glad I don't have a chimney.

~.~.~.~

Today is the last day before school lets out until next year. I'm going to miss everyone, especially Rin. I hope she comes and visits.

Neru started talking to me again. She keeps telling me how atrocious Rin is and that that bitch is so disgusting. I don't really understand what she said, but I get the feeling that Neru doesn't like Rin anymore. She says that I should stay away from Rin now. But I think that I should do the opposite, stay away from Neru and stay closer to Rin. I think everyone is out trying to get me.

Everyone's been giving each other presents. Meiko gave Kaito a present, Kaito gave Rin a present, and Luka gave Miku a present, and Gakupo had a present with him and he said that he is giving it to himself. I wonder how that works.

I wonder why no one gave me a present.

~.~.~.~

Now that there's no school, I don't know what to do with myself. It's not like a normal weekend where you sit around for two days and wait to go back because you know on Monday you go back but now it's Saturday and I don't go back for two weeks. I wonder what I should do.

~.~.~.~

I think I should start trying to bar all the doors and windows for when the fat guy comes. It sounds really scary, I think he's going to try to come in even though my house doesn't have a chimney.

I asked the Doctor if I could have some metal poles, and he asked me dear god why do you want metal poles, and I told him I want to bar the doors and windows so the fat guy can't get in. The Doctor laughed and said that the guy's name is Santa Claus and that he will get in even if I bar every entrance into the house.

I'm really scared. This Santa Claus must be very powerful.

~.~.~.~

I keep wondering why the Doctor didn't tell me about Santa Claus last year or the year before, well, I just wonder a little, two years ago I still couldn't understand a lot of speech, but last year I was pretty good and could understand, he told me about Christmas but not this whole Santa Claus stalk-man business. It's scary stuff.

The Doctor says that Santa Claus knows exactly what you want. I wonder how he knows, because I'm not plugged into the thought-reading machine any more. And real people can't be plugged in. That just makes Santa Claus even more scary. Maybe he's an alien.

~.~.~.~

I'm scared, Santa Claus is coming into my house tonight and the Doctor hasn't rigged any exploding mines or nets that fall from the ceiling or anything. I think maybe he's conspiring with Santa Claus to kidnap me and take me to the North Pole where I won't bother anyone and then Santa Claus will use the mechanical parts of me to fix his toy-makers and then his elves will eat the real parts of me for dinner.

It sounds very scary.

The Doctor says that if you're a bad boy, Santa Claus brings you coal. I don't run on coal, though, I don't know what I run on. But if this Santa Claus really knows so much and can do so much, I wonder if he knows what I want most. Because I don't know what I want most, I can't decide between not dying or being a real human. Because if I wish to be a real person, then maybe I'll still die anyway, because maybe Santa Claus's system is rigged. But I don't think there can be anything wrong with asking to keep living… right?

~.~.~.~

The Doctor did something weird today. He gave me a big, heavy box that was labeled Len. I didn't think he would give me a present, but he said I think I owe this to you, and gave me the present. So I set it on the floor and opened it, and a little kitty popped out and it meowed at me!

It was so cute and fluffy, and it was just so adorable. I don't know why the Doctor gave me a kitty. But it was so cute. It climbed on my head and just sat there, making purring sounds. I don't know what to name it yet.

The Doctor says think of it as an apology, a Christmas present, and an early birthday present all in one. He says I'm sorry about everything Len, I thought you needed a companion. And then I asked him about my birthday, what's a birthday, people always say it at school but no one ever says what it is. And the Doctor says that's the day you were born, everyone has a birthday, even you Len, yours is in two days, the twenty-seventh, you'll be three years old, can you believe it? And then he turns around to go back into his laboratory.

~.~.~.~

Today I found something weird in the kitchen, it was long and skinny and yellow. I had this weird urge to eat it, but I tried and it was all tough and icky. My kitty meowed from the top of my head but I told it you don't want to eat this it's really really icky.

And then the Doctor came in and laughed and he said it's a banana, you peel it like this. I realized that they don't have enough water to hurt you, so you're okay eating these. Then he took the yellow part off of it and then it was light yellow, and the peel as the Doctor called it was just dangling off. Try it, he said, so I ate it.

It was all squishy but it was really really really really tasty. I started bouncing up and down because it was so tasty but then Kitty meowed and clawed into my head because I was bouncing and I yelled ow and tried to get Kitty off but he wouldn't budge. But then I thought maybe he wants some of the banana so I raised it up and Kitty took a bite.

I realized that even though Kitty is mostly white, he's long and skinny and kind of yellowy like the banana, so I decided to name him Banana.

~.~.~.~

Today I'm three. The Doctor says that it's good I lasted this long, but that didn't make me feel nice because I forgot that by me aging that means I get closer to dying. But Rin came to visit me and she brought me something called a cake. She said it was squishy and tasty. It sounded like a banana, so I got excited and told her I can't wait to eat it.

And then she noticed Banana on my head and exclaimed how cute and pulled him off and started patting him. I told her that the Doctor gave him to me two days ago, and that all Banana does is sit on my head and purr. And then Rin asked me Banana? And I told her his name is Banana, and she laughed and asked me why I named him Banana. And I told her that I named him Banana because I ate a banana yesterday and it was so so so sososososo tasty, and all she did was laugh. I wonder why she laughed, maybe she's never had a banana before?

Then we went into the kitchen and she put down the cake and said happy birthday to us, Len! See, today's my birthday too. I asked her why, and she said it's because we were created on the same day. I wonder why she's so content with saying she was just created. I would think to a real human person, saying and knowing you were created would be a lot more sad than being a robot boy and knowing you were created.

I asked her if she knows that the Doctor calls us brother and sister, and she says that she does but she doesn't know if he's really correct or not. I ask why, and the Doctor magically appears in the doorway and says that's because you're not related by blood because you don't have parents, but you were both made by the People Creator on the same day, within a very short amount of time, so it can be said that you two are related. Besides, you are Len and Rin Kagamine. You share a last name as well. Then he gasped and rushed off back to his lab.

Banana meowed and jumped off my head to sniff the cake, and then I remembered and starting bouncing and asking Rin if we could try the cake. She said of course, and then she said sorry Len but I had to make it without putting frosting on because I didn't know if it had too much water in it, but don't worry cake is sill tasty without frosting.

I don't know what frosting is, but it was a very tasty cake. It didn't taste like bananas, though. It didn't even feel like bananas. But it was still tasty.

Rin suddenly said follow me and rushed out of the kitchen, and I was so surprised that it took me a minute to start running too. As I turned Banana jumped on my shoulder and then I chased Rin out the house and when I found her she was halfway up the tree next to my house.

Rin, Rin, what are you doing up there? What if you fall? She made me really really scared, she was so high up, who would ever think to climb a tree? The Rin called down to me and said don't worry Len, I've always climbed trees, come up here! I was really really scared, I think I started shaking. But since Rin wanted me to, I tried to climb the tree but couldn't get onto the first branch.

Len, have you ever climbed a tree? Then she started climbing down and jumped onto the ground next to me. Here, I'll help you, and she picked me up with Banana on my head and then I grabbed the first branch and pulled myself up to sit on it. Rin jumped up and grabbed the branch and swung herself onto it next to me.

How do you do that? I asked her, but she just smiled and said I've always climbed trees, well maybe not always since I'm really only three like you, but my memories tell me I've climbed trees ever since I was little. And I mumble oh, and then she says want to go higher? And my head felt like exploding, I was really scared already, no I'm good here thanks. And she laughed and said okay, and then we just sat there together.

Hey Len, she says after a while, do you know what love is?

I don't know what love is. So I tell her no, what's love?

And then she laughs and says it's hard to explain, I was just wondering. And then we're quiet for a long time and the sun starts going down. And then I ask her, can you try? I'm confused. And then she says, love is… love is when you really, really care about someone, when you never want to be apart from them ever.

I don't understand still, how love is idolized by the humans but that's all it is.

But then Rin does something weird. She turns to me and I look at her, and then she presses her lips against mine, and it feels weird and my face feels all hot.

Then she grabs my hand and smiles and says, love can't really be defined, but it's a feeling.

I just feel all fluttery and my stomach doesn't feel good. If that's what love is supposed to feel like, I don't think I like it at all.

~.~.~.~


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch6**

It's been a week since Rin did that weird thing. I'm still trying to figure out what that was all about. Since Banana is always on top of my head I try to ask him but he just meows and licks his lips. I don't think I want to do the weird lip thing to Banana. Besides, I don't think kitties even have lips. I don't know what I'm going to say to Rin next time I see her, because last time I didn't even say bye to her when she jumped down from the tree and said I better go home now do you need help getting down and I shook my head no because nothing would come out of my mouth and then I was stuck up in the tree until after the sun went down and the Doctor wondered where I went and he had to come find me and get me down.

I don't think I'm going to climb trees anymore.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor made another person. I wish that I had gotten to delete his people folder from his computer but I didn't and now he's made another person.

This new person, the Doctor says, is Ted Kasane. I don't know how it can be a boy, well it kind of can, but his hair is bright pink and it's in a long ponytail. But since his chest isn't lumpy I guess he's a boy.

This time though, I'm excited for him to activate. He looks like maybe he'd be a lot of fun.

~.~.~.~

Ted woke up today! He asked me hey man who are you and I said I'm Len I live here. And he said oh cool cool, hey wanna play a game? And I said sure I love games. And then he went to the TV and said you don't have any games? And I asked him what kind of game do you mean, and he said video games, they're really awesome. So then I said why don't we go get some, and he said okay but I don't have any money, and I said I don't have any either. But I really wanted to try a game.

Then I asked him what if we ask the Doctor? And Ted said maybe. So we went to ask and the Doctor just said what that's preposterous no way. So then I told Ted that once when I snuck into the Doctor's room that he had a piggy bank. But I don't think we should use that because that's bad. And Ted agreed with me so we sat on the couch and wondered how to get a game.

And then Ted said hey, is that a port on your neck? And I covered it because I was embarrassed, even though it doesn't matter because he won't remember anyway. So I said umm yeah it is and he said why don't we ask the Doctor if he can invent a game and then we plug it into you.

I don't know if I like that idea because I don't want to be a computer but I really want to make Ted happy too. I asked him if I can still play the game if it's plugged into me and he said oh oh oh I have an idea, what if the Doctor makes a game where you get virtually transported in, it's okay if I don't play, I just want to to try playing a game. I've never played a virtual game like that, I bet it's fun, tell the Doctor to make it a swordfighting adventure game like Legend of Zelda, that'll be the funnest.

Well I have never heard of Legend of Zelda but swordfighting sounds scary I tell Ted. And he laughs and says it's not, swords are fun, and then he gets up off the couch and starts swinging his hands around and saying yah!! And then I ask him how it's fun and he says hahaha you get to chop heads and arms! What's not fun about that?

I don't know how that's fun, it sounds really really scary to me.

~.~.~.~

Here it's done but I don't get why you two want this so much. It's ridiculous. I hope you go ship off soon, Ted. Then the Doctor plugs something into my neck and then he pushes a button. I start feeling weird and then I say Doctor what is this. He says it's that stupid game, here you go Ted put this suit on. When you wanna stop just press this button. And then something weird happens. I don't see the Doctor anymore but I still see Ted and the world is spinning and there's blurs of light everywhere and I yell Ted what's happening I'm scared. But he doesn't answer and I realize it's because he's not there. I felt really really scared but I just kept waiting and then finally the world stood still and it settled and I was standing in the middle of a giant plain. Way in the distance there was a huge mountain and the other way there was a big city or a castle or something.

Hey! I hear Ted in my ear and look up. He was turned into a little pink ball of light with wings. What happened to me? I'm small and sparkling! Ted yells. And I laugh at him and say hahaha you look like a little fairy. And then he says how come you get to be Link, you're the one with the sword, that's not fair. But I say it's perfectly fair because you're a fair-y. But he doesn't laugh.

Then he says okay well I think we have to go to Hyrule Castle Town, that way, and I ask that big thing over there? and he says yup that one. So then we start walking but I get tired after a while and we're hardly even there. Ted says why did you stop we have to get there to talk to the princess, and I say but I'm tired can't we sit. And Ted says no so I keep walking.

And then right when I'm at the gates to the city, the sun suddenly goes down and they pull up the drawbridge. And I start yelling hey hey wait I'm right here please wait for me. But they don't and the bridge goes up. And then it starts raining.

Ted says if you hadn't stopped before to ask me if you could take a break then we would have made it and now we wouldn't be stuck out here for the entire night. And I asked him well can't we just skip out on this game I'm tired. And then Ted says no man, let's play more! It's pretty cool to fly. Even if I am pink and sparkly.

I don't like this green outfit. The hat won't come off of my head. I miss Banana on my head instead. I was trying to pull the hat off when I fell over and tumbled over in the grass and then three pretty gems fell out of my pocket. I picked them up and Ted gasped and said oh oh those are the three Spiritual Stones to open the door of time! The Kokiri Emerald, the Zora's Sapphrire, and the Goron's—

Just then the drawbridge went foomp and then a white horse with a lady and a girl on it came rushing out, and then the girl threw a thing at me and it hit me on the head and I said ow but the horse with her on it kept running until they were out of sight. And then a really really scary guy came out after them on a big black horse and said hey you squirt where's the princess. And I said what princess, I don't know one, that's where I was trying to go. And he says stop lying, where is she. And then I get up to walk to him but I trip and this weird brown thing falls out of my pocket. Oh the Ocarina of Time! The big scary man yells and he picks it up. But I say hey that's mine and he says not anymore, squirt, and then Ted says go hit him with your sword! So I try to take out my sword and hit him but he stops it with his hand and laughs and blasts weird magic at me and I fall on my butt. Then he rides away.

And then I look at the ground and see the thing that that girl threw at my head, and Ted exclaims oh my gosh that's the Ocarina of Time! That was Ganondorf and the girls on the horse was Zelda and Impa and that is the Ocarina of Time, quick Len, go to the Temple of Time inside the city!

That was a really really really big jumble in words inside my head and I say what? But Ted says just follow me and then he leads me over the drawbridge that's down now and then we go to this big place and I go inside and there is a checkerboard floor and a pedestal. Then Ted says put the three Spiritual Stones in these slots and that'll open the Door of Time Len and then pull the Master Sword.

I don't understand but I just do what Ted says and then I grip the cold metal on the big sword in the pedestal and then I feel sleepy and I think I fell asleep.

~.~.~.~

Len Len oh my god Len what happened are you alive answer me oh god! I hear Rin but I can't see anything everything's black. Dear god Len are you okay, I'm so sorry says Ted, I want to ask them what happened why can't I see and why are you guys yelling at me are you okay.

If he's awake he can hear you the Doctor says, don't worry Ted it wasn't your fault, it was his faulty programming that did it, instead of the game you two were playing passing time in it's own way, it started to pass time literally and thus knocked his internal chronometer to sleep for seven years.

Okay I really didn't know I had an internal chronometer. Now I really feel like a robot. Every day I feel more like a robot.

He's not going to sleep for seven years is he? Oh god, I hope—no, he'll wake up sooner or later the Doctor says. Besides, he's not even going to live for seven years longer.

And then I decide I wish I really was sleeping instead of listening.

~.~.~.~

I wish I could either move again or just fall asleep. I just keep thinking how much of a robot I am. First I am made by a machine from a computer program, then I am a robot boy kept alive from machines, then I have a main operating system and a port on the back of my neck and now I have an internal chronometer.

I want to ask the Doctor what my internal chronometer does. I want to ask him how I can have blood if I have a magnetic distribution system in my hand and have so many machines inside of me, and I want to ask him how I can have skin without having any cells in my body because skin is dead cells isn't it, I actually don't know maybe I do have cells. But I don't know how my cells would be able to do anything if I only have a little blood.

I want to know why I'm me. Why am I me? Why amn't I someone else? Why did the Doctor's People Creator mess up on me and not the people after me?

~.~.~.~

I decided that I don't like being plugged in to games that Ted likes. When I wake up I am going to tell Ted I don't want to play any more games that I have to be plugged in to.

Banana keeps meowing at me. I wonder if he knows that I can hear him meowing and asking me when are you going to wake up Len? But I don't know when I'm going to wake up. Maybe I'm never going to wake up. But I hope that's not true, I hope I wake up soon.

~.~.~.~

Ted and Rin were with me today. They say hey Len, today is New Year's Eve, do you know what that means? It means that today's the last day of the year. Isn't that exciting? I don't know if that's really exciting, because I am going to die maybe next year or the year after. Then Ted says there's this really big ball in New York that drops and it's shiny, and people count down, and then everyone cheers. And Rin adds and everyone hugs each other and hopes for the best New Year ever.

Well if I could talk right now I would tell Rin that I hope I don't die next year. But I still can't move. I really never want to play games with Ted ever ever ever again.

~.~.~.~

Three, two, one, happy new year! That's what Rin and Ted shouted last night when they were sitting next to me. Rin says Len let's have the best year ever, Len, and yes we will have the best year ever together because you are not going to die.

Thank you for telling me that Rin, but I really am going to die. Maybe not next year, we can have the best next year ever, but then next year she's going to say let's have the best year ever next year too, and then I might die that year and I don't think me dying would be the best year ever.

~.~.~.~

I think I hear the pitter patter of rain today. I guess it doesn't matter anymore because I'm basically dead except my mind still works but it's like torture because I want to get up and do stuff and go to school but I can't because I am stuck here on whatever I'm laying down on. Or maybe I'm sitting up. But Banana always meows in my ear and he usually doesn't meow right in my ear because he sits on my head.

But today the Doctor came in and sat next to me or close to me and said hey Len, I tried plugging you into the thought machine but it won't register any thoughts, are you awake? I wonder if you can hear anything. And I want to tell him yes I can hear you, please go invent something so that I can talk to you, but he just sighs and I hear him walk away.

I wonder why he started caring so much. Last I remember, the Doctor said I wasn't worth keeping alive, didn't he?

~.~.~.~

I stopped hearing rain today. It's quiet now. Even Banana stop meowing. It's like the world stopped. I'm scared. What if I died? What if I died but I can still think? I'm so scared, I don't want to be stuck like this forever, I want to wake up, I want to wake up!

~.~.~.~

Len, I'm still not sure whether or not you can hear me. However, I believe I've found the reason for the People Creator's error when it created you. That's what the Doctor says today. I think you'd be better off not hearing this, which is why I'm telling you now because then I can tell you without having to see your response.

I think that's kind of mean of the Doctor to say but I keep listening because I want to know. I am almost completely positive that the error occurred because the reference base picture for you and Rin has two people – not just one. I remember scrolling through his completed projects folder and now that I think about it he's right.

I believe that the machine did not know how to handle two people at once and thus only half created the second one, you. That is the reason why no other projects failed, because all of them have been one person alone. Sorry I didn't know sooner, Len, or I would have never made you and Rin. Then he gets up and walks away.

I don't really know what to think now. Now I'm just an extra, I was just an extra one all along? It's because that I'm an extra that I'm not human? And now I feel something I don't know what it's called, but if I was on the left of the picture instead of the right then I would have been made first and I would be human and Rin would be the broken robot person. But somehow that thought doesn't make me happy. It's not Rin's fault I don't think. I don't think it's mine either. Maybe it was all just an accident. I don't care anymore about why or why not I am how I am. I just really really really want to wake up.

~.~.~.~

Hey Doctor, where's this internal chronometer in Len anyway? That's what I hear Ted saying in the other room. The Doctor says near his heart, why? And Ted says what if we go in and mess it up and give Len's brain something else to think about other than sleeping?

Well I don't know how Ted can think that, because I've been thinking about lots of things like Banana and Rin and school. But I guess I really think about waking up a lot.

And how do you suppose we do that? The Doctor says. It's too close to his heart, doing something may just kill him right on the spot. That sounds so scary, I don't want to die right now. I still have to have a good new year with Rin and everyone at school and tell Ted never to fall asleep with your mind turned on. Ted says well then we put something together to keep his heart going, we have to try something, I think that he's awake. And I wonder how Ted knows that.

That's not too likely, his thoughts won't register on anything I've tried, as far as I can tell it's like he's almost dead, his heart is barely working, he doesn't feel a thing, and he won't respond to speech. Ted says but Doctor we have to try, if he's already dead or almost dead it's worth a try isn't it? And the Doctor says no.

I don't want to stay like this forever. Ted knows so much, I think he knows more about me than I do too, I don't know how he knows that I can think but he does, so I hope he tries to do something soon, soon, soon please Ted, I don't know how much longer I'll last like this. I think I'm going crazy, I'm tired of seeing black.

~.~.~.~

Hey buddy, Len my man, you _are _awake, aren't you? I think you can hear me right now, I just have this feeling. I'm sorry about the whole game thing, I didn't mean for this to happen. Look, I'm trying to think of a way to get you out of this funky coma. I only thought of one way, to get you wet, maybe. But I'm scared that it's either not going to work, which is the good option, or it'll just sink in and then your heart will stop faster than the Doctor can fix it. Man, I'm scared, I don't know what to do. Maybe you _can't_ actually hear me and I'm talking to myself right now.

No Ted no, I don't really like either of those plans, please think of something else please.

Rin told me about the whole test tube thing from a while back. I think that was an altered kind of water, so that it wouldn't sink into your skin. But right now in my hand I have a cup full of real water, straight from the faucet. But I don't want to kill you either, dammit Len, I don't know how to help you at all. I'm sorry.

I wish I could smile and tell Ted it's okay you're trying, but of course if I could do that then we wouldn't be like this right now. I don't know how all my insides are so I couldn't help Ted anyway even if I could. Ted is really nice, I like him. It's okay that he wanted to play that game. I changed my mind, maybe we could play games again together. Just… maybe just not ones that involve sleeping.

Then I hear Rin come in the room and gasp and say what the Ted what are you doing? Water will kill him! And then I hear Ted gasp and Rin stumble and then I feel cold, really cold, really really cold, and then I can move again but it hurts, what's happening?

Doctor Doctor oh god Doctor! I hear Ted go running and Rin is screaming and yelling Len Len don't die and I feel like there's needles all over me poking and I just keep squirming because there's needles everywhere but there's needles everywhere and I just keep shutting my eyes because it hurts and the needles are poking me and my chest feels all tight and funny, what happened, what's going to happen to me?

What happened is he waking ow ow needles needles, Doctor, help, there's needles everywhere, my arm is moving on its own now but it hurts, it likes the needles but I don't, ouch what are you doing, I open my eyes and see Rin and Ted running at me and I try to reach my hand out but it's going all weird and it feels like there's needles in it but there are none, I realize I'm shaking extra because the Doctor is running with me on his shoulder, Len! Len! Rin smiles a little and Ted smiles a little too and I try to smile back but my face is full of needles so it hurts and I yell ow ow Doctor there's needles everywhere and Ted says I'm sorry Len it's my fault but at least you're awake I guess and I don't hear the rest of what he says because there are needles filling my ears too now I think but it hurts really bad and I don't know what I'm doing anymore because I feel my legs kicking but I'm not kicking them and the needles won't go away and now I see Rin and Ted jerking side to side but I think it's because they're dodging the big invisible needles, or maybe they're not invisible, I think Rin is a needle now and the Doctor and Ted are all needles, ah ah they're the needles they're why I hurt what's happening I try to stand up but I can't anymore and the Doctor needle sprouts two more needles and he says it'll be okay Len just hang on and I blink and blink and blink but he is making lots of needles come towards me and I yell no no no stop stop! And then I start throwing my head around because the Rin needle and the Ted needle sprouted needles and are reaching for me too and I don't want more needles than all the needles that are reaching towards me and the needles that are this bed and the walls and the table and Rin and Ted and the Doctor and there's needles everywhere and they are all poking me everywhere and I feel like my skin is being ripped off me but I look at my hand and it's still there but then I see it's turning into needles and I scream because my hand right at the fingertips starts turning into needles and it feels like a million needles are inside of it too and then my hand and my arm start turning into hundreds of needles all poking out and they're bursting out of my skin and it hurts it hurts make it stop but the needles keep coming out of me and then three big needles explode from my chest and a big giant one stabs down into my chest and I scream and cry and I tell it stop stop stop but it keeps going up and down like it's sewing me and the Rin and Ted needles are just watching smiling at me and I'm still exploding into needles and please please please

~.~.~.~

**And the adventures of Test Tube Len shall continue next time I post more ;D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ch7**

Hey, meow, I know you from somewhere meow, who are you meow? I don't know who I am, but you're Banana, my kitty, but you're not big like that, you're little. You're little and you sit on my head. You're not elephant-sized like you are now, well I've never seen an elephant but I know they're big.

Meow, really? I'm always this size. And I can't possibly sit on your head meow, because I don't sit on the heads of what I eat, meow, and you're too small. Well I don't know what you mean by eating me, Banana, you don't eat me, and I don't eat you.

Oh really, meow? That's a new one. C'mere now, meow, I'm hungry. Growing kittens need food, meow. And then Banana runs towards me and I scream because he is biting my head.

But then I'm in a biiiiig meadow with big red mushrooms with yellow polkadots on them. And Rin is sitting on top of a smaller one. I walk up to her and say hi Rin and she says who are you, and I say I don't remember, but that doesn't matter, you're Rin. And she says I've never heard of Rin, why that's preposterous, my name isn't Rin. And I say oh you look just like her. And she says huh. And then she eats some weird yellow stuff and she says well I thought it was curds and whey but actually I don't know. And then a big blue spider fell from the sky and landed in her lap, and the girl ran away screaming. I tried to chase her but the spider stopped me and said hey who are you, and then he spat white stuff at me and I was suddenly in a big vast white room with no doors or windows.

I've never had a fly as weird as you before, but that's okay, the spider said, you still look tasty, but I don't know what I'd give to eat some of that melty stuff again. And I ask it what melty stuff, and it says I don't know, it's cold and stuff. And I say I have no idea, I've never had something cold and melty before.

And then the room whooshes away and I'm standing in some weird room where everything is reflecting eachother and I see a little boy with blonde hair and chubby cheeks and blue eyes and he's yelling hey Rin hey Rin and I walk up to him and ask him who's Rin and he screams and says it's me!! And then he runs away into one of the mirrors, and I look in the mirror and see the little boy, but this time he's doing exactly what I do, I don't understand, and then he steps out at me and says you little failure how could you and I say what and then it kicks me and now I'm sitting on a cloud and making it rain.

More more more the cloud laughs and I say rain as much as you want, rain until you turn white with unrainness! And it laughs and then it rains and I cough and a thunderbolt comes out of my mouth. And then I'm coughing thunder and lightning. But then one of my lightnings is really bright and I have to close my eyes.

And then it's black and I hear a voice saying wake up wake up Len, can you hear me wake up. I don't know who Len is but they sound sad. I tell the voice I hope your friend wakes up soon, and then I see a door on the other side of the black room and go through it and I'm falling through the sky, falling, falling…

~.~.~.~

I'm not your father, you're my father… no, you're my father's father's mother I think, or maybe my brother-in-law's father, but—it doesn't matter! And I chop off your arm with my red thing! And then I laugh hahahaha and you fall into the bottomless pit and I laugh. Stupid surgery man, my planet that I built doesn't need doctors, I hate doctors, they do weird stuff to you. But what does even weirder stuff to you is that eye ball on the floor over there, you bounce it and it says hahaha haha ha every time it hits the floor, I don't understand, but it's weird, I wonder if it can see like my eye balls can, but my eye balls don't laugh, I hope, but then a pink haired boy runs up and kicks the eye ball into the sun and it explodes and the boy says cool it's raining sun bits! Just like in that one game I played!

It sounds like a fun game. I should play someday.

~.~.~.~

Ouch ouch ouch what's that!! Why is there this fork stuck into my heart, whoah I'm bleeding all over!! Look what you did, now you made me stain the carpet. That's gross. Clean it up right now, or you'll never be able to buy yourself a present ever ever again. And he cries and says nooooooooooooooooooooo and I say clean up the carpet and take this fork and put in the sink because we only have three forks for dinner.

~.~.~.~

Sure you can ride on this unicorn but I can ride on this bunny! And the Lucky Charms man can ride on the seahorse, because they're both green. And we can slide on the rainbow and taste the toilet water when we splash into the ocean. Well I don't know what ocean water tastes like, but it's the same color as old peepee in the toilet.

~.~.~.~

Len Len Len why do I always hear that word? Maybe it means pen, for all the pigs that step on my feet. Or den, for all the bears in the lake. Or ten, like how many hands that tree has. Stop this now, stop what, I can't stop the waterfall with my tail, I need feet and a big shovel to do that. Wake up, wake up, wake up, stop telling me that, I don't want to rake the leaves! It's only Spring!

~.~.~.~

I would like to ask you Mr. Pattycake what delu… deluxe, deli, I don't know, I keep hearing this word in my head and don't know what it is. But I don't know what a pattycake is either, why are you a pattycake? You look like a hamburger.

~.~.~.~

Dammit dammit dammit whoosh whoosh leaves rake summer present tree water water needles, there's too many pictures and words and ouch, ouch it hurts, my eyes are burning, slow down pretty please because I bird bird tweet stork snow cake bow table babies? Bananananananananananananana nana?

~.~.~.~

I don't think he's ever going to come out of it. We might as well give up, it's been two months and all he does is lay there mumbling nonsense. Who does? What? Maybe we should just forget about him altogether. Let's go off and play together. No wait, wait, wait for me, can't I come? No you can't because you're too faulty faulty fake robot not real you're a dying robot not a person and you're busy mumbling wait wait what?

~.~.~.~

Hey, men, days want more sun, the key is weeding miss hue! I'm fed up with your adam's apple, buzz didn't ffffffforge any hues. Dddddddo hue nose tea a a alwaaaa away company vests? Iiiiiiii brone oop white Kaaeeeiiit oh no. Idle idle idle idle? Idle needle lllloovvve hem, men, white love hue! Iowa hue claw back. Peas, deeeeeeeeeeeez rake mop, men!

~.~.~.~

Hey, who are you? I feel like I've seen you before. Your eyes are pretty. They're big and blue. And your hair looks so yellowy and pretty, I think I think I think I know you but I don't know who you are. I think. Len? Len? I blink, Len, Len, I repeat what you say. You say Len, Len? Again and I say Len, Len. And then you reach up and hug me but I really really don't get what's going on, why are you hugging me?

~.~.~.~

Hey Len, do you know what snow is? It's these big white puffs that fall from the sky. It's snowing right now. You can look out this window here, Ted the Doctor and I built it so that you could look out and dream, do you like it? Then I say yes I like it, it's pretty, I remember it from somewhere, I was flying around looking for babies.

And the girl leans forward and says babies babies? What about babies? And I tell her ummm I don't know, I couldn't find where the babies were from. And she smiles and hugs me and says Len you remembered something. But I don't know what's important about storks finding babies.

~.~.~.~

Len, somehow your brain's been completely fried, you've been delusional for two months, unable to discern reality from your imagination, do you know who I am? And I say you're the guy with grey hair who's always examining me, and he says well that's a start. Then he looks at the girl whose name I found out was Rin.

And then a guy with a long pink ponytail comes in and sees me and smiles because I guess me sitting up is important and he runs over and leans over the table to hug me and says Len, Len you're up! And I say so are you, you're more up than me. And they all laugh and say true, true.

~.~.~.~

The guy who I'm supposed to call the Doctor says that I shouldn't go outside and feel the snow because I'll sh sh sh shs shoooe? Sometimes my tongue does weird stuff, I don't know what the Doctor told me. But he said it's bad, so I said ooookie and he said okay.

But it looks so white and fluffly, like a biiiiiiig cloud floating in the sky. I want to skip on it and lay down and take a nap.

~.~.~.~

I started wandering around today and then I walked past a wall and there was a moving picture! It was so shiny. It was of a little boy with blonde hair and very very blue eyes and he had these chubby cheeks. And it was the most amazing picture I've ever seen, when I picked up my hand he picked his up too! And then I stuck my tongue out at him and he stuck his out at me. He reminds me of Rin. But Rin doesn't have chubby cheeks and her eyes aren't as bright, and she has a biiiiiig bow on her head and she's veeerrrry pretty.

But this little boy was so fun! I stood there for a long time seeing how long he could keep up with me. That picture tirelessly did exactly what I did! I'm going to show Rin the picture tomorrow.

~.~.~.~

Meer meer mirr mirror? That's what I'm trying to copy what Rin says. She laughs all tinkly and says no Len, that's a mirror, it reflects anything you put in front of it. And then I stand in front of it and look at the boy in the miiiiiiiii mirror. And Rin says that's you, and I say that's me? I think he's ugly, I don't want that to be me. I want the girl in the picture to be me, she's much prettier but she looks just like Rin and that might be confusing if me and Rin looked the same!

~.~.~.~

How much longer is this going to last, I wonder? The ponytail hair guy says. And I ask what last but the Doctor replies for me and says I have no idea. It least he's not sleeping any more. And I say sleeping sleeping sleeping, ohh I was sleeping, but it was black and all I could do was think, banana, Banana, I remember Banana, my kitty, where's Banana?

And Ted and the Doctor's faces light up and say we'll bring Banana over here right now, the Doctor says Ted go get Banana, and then Ted goes running and comes back with a little kitten, and I take it and pat it and it meows and I say awwww how cute! Can I keep it?

~.~.~.~

I can't stop banging my head today, ahh, ahh, it hurts, it hurts on the inside, my chest feels funny, what's happening? My head is pounding, so I'm pounding it, but it's just pounding pounding I think it's exploding! And the Doctor goes h h h h how is this possible and I say Doctor my head is explooodinnggg! And he just watches me but I wish he would get tape or something because I know my head is about to explode.

~.~.~.~

Len? Len, do you know who I am? Of course I know, how could I forget who you are, you're the Doctor, you make people. And you're Ted, which by the way Ted I really really never want to play another game where I plug in again sorry, and Rin Rin I'm sorry Rin I wanted to say I wish I could say happy new year but I'm still going to die.

They all looked so happy. Rin and Ted started crying. But they still looked happy, they came up and hugged me. How can you cry and be happy at the same time? I don't understand.

~.~.~.~

My head hurts. I looked in the mirror today and it's all purple right in front. I asked the Doctor what on Earth happened to my head, it looks like one of those those Purple People Eaters from the TV was living on my forehead! But he said don't worry, it's a bruise, it'll go away soon. And I say oh and sit down. And then I ask him can I go back to school? And the Doctor says no no dear me no, not yet.

But no one's told me why they're all fussy over me. I wonder if they know something I don't again. Actually, no, I know for sure they know something I don't know again.

There's also this window next to my bed now. I don't remember a window there, but it's all snowy outside. It looks like a big, fluffy pillow. I wish I could go outside and sleep on it, but then I would get water inside of me and I'd die. I know I'm dying soon, but I don't really want to die yet. There's a few things I have to do first.

~.~.~.~

Rin says that she really wants to tell me all about what happened to me, but she doesn't know if she should or not. But I told her please please pleaseplease tell me, secrets are mean. And she laughs her tinkly laugh and she happily answers true and sits down next to me on my bed. But she doesn't say anything.

And then I remember us sitting in the tree on my birthday. And I ask her hey Rin, what was that weird lip thingy from our birthday? What's it called?

Rin turns a little pink and she laughs and says it's called a kiss.

But I kind of feel like feeling that weird flippy stomach weird feeling again, so I ask her Rin, can you do it again?

~.~.~.~

The Doctor finally told me what happened. I guess after I was falling in the black abyss of doom from the weird I'm asleep but not asleep sleep, Ted was going to try and stop my chronometer with water but then wasn't going to but then Rin thought he was going to spill water on me and tried to stop him but tripped and then the water spilled on my chest, I remember their heads exploding into big needles. The Doctor says that was when I started getting delusional, the water not only affected my physical systems like legs and arms and stuff but also somehow got to my head and then I was seeing stuff.

And then he says for all of January and February I was muttering stuff about really really random things. He said that once he was doing a test on my heart when I started muttering about unicorns and rainbows and peepee. I think I must have been very very scary when I was delusional.

The Doctor says Len you're a miracle, you're a miracle. I don't know how you possibly could have recovered your memory, but you did. And I ask memory? I don't remember anything after the needles, and he says no after that, after you woke up from your delusions, you didn't remember anything. And I say like what? And he says like your name, and I blink a couple times and stare at him.

Only a really really dumb person could forget their name. I can't believe the Doctor can call me a miracle and then call me dumb. _That_ dumb. Gosh. Of course I remember my name, I'm Len Kagamine, the robot boy who is going to stop working one day soon.

~.~.~.~

**My friend told me something that made me realize that she was right in the fact that it probably scares people that I upload so much at a time –SHOT- So only one for now. :3**

**There's only a little left to go, anyway. 6 moar chaptars~**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much, everyone! :'D Your reviews make me feel so loved.**

**Psychobubbles: Thank you for all your comments 3 As far as the ending goes, you'll have to wait and see! :3**

**Miks: f u i'm lazy –SHOT-**

**Masaichu: Thank you so much! In actually, I really didn't know what was going on. He was just kind of delusional there – I think I was just about as delusional as he was. Thanks 3 Here it comes! :3**

**Arin: OH MY GOSH Thank you so much ;A; I don't even know what to say to your comment! Thank you so much ;A;**

** It was a week :D As long as the story has 50,000 words, then it wins. It doesn't get judged or anything XD But most people write theirs over the whole month, whereas I ditched the story I had been doing and wrote this instead!**

** But thank you so so so much ;A; I'm sorry I keep repeating myself but I really don't know what to say! I've never been praised that much before w **

** And just for you, I'm gonna upload both 8 and 9~ I dedicate these to you!**

**Enjoy, everyone :'D**

~.~.~

**Ch8**

The Doctor says that now that my internal chronometer is broken, I sleep too much and I'm too hard to wake up. You need to manage your time better. And I say why, you're not going to let me go back to school right? And he doesn't say anything so I sigh and roll over because nothing usually means—wait what? I sit up and say really really Doctor? I think it's okay, as long as you don't keep oversleeping like you are. Without your chronometer, Len, you don't have the natural senses to only sleep for a certain amount of time, so you must train yourself.

So today, I embark on a journey to self-train myself! For school!

~.~.~.~

Besides sleeping, as far as I know, you're fit to go back, I'd say—yay! I'm going to go get—no not yet Len, there's still one problem, it's still snowing, snow is frozen water, and you'll just malfunction again. I don't want to malfunction, I want to go to school. Don't forget though, Len, your systems are faulty and could malfunction randomly, even if you're doing nothing wrong. Who knows, it could have been a malfunction that brought your memory back. Well Doctor I still don't want to malfunction, can't you think of something so I can go to school in the snow?

And he puts his hand to his chin and says I wonder and goes into his lab.

~.~.~.~

He says if I coat your skin with this, it's water resistant, sadly it won't keep out all water so you can't go in the rain but as long as you cover yourself well you're okay going out in the snow, even if the snow gets on you you'll be okay, just not too much because it melts on contact, but since your body temperature is much lower than that of a human I think you'll be all right.

But Doctor, how do I get it on? I don't want to be even less human than I already am. I don't want an extra layer of—don't worry, your skin will absorb this, the same way human skin absorbs lotion. Your skin is real, so it'll absorb this with no problem. It'll make you able to walk in the snow.

And I say what if my jacket falls off and it gets right on me is that okay. And he says I think so, just not for a long period of time, as in a whole day I suppose. I smile. Now I can feel the snow from my stork dream!

~.~.~.~

Today Rin came to walk with me to school in case something happened and I fell over or something. But as soon as we left the sight of my house I pulled off my jacket and Rin screams Len what are you doing!! And I say I'm feeling the snow, and then I feel all these cold specks on my arms, it feels so good! I feel all cold but it feels so different, I like how it feels, it's a different cold but it feels so nice!

Rin picks up my jacket and says Len Len put it back on! And I say aww not yet, and then I run to the side of the sidewalk and flop over into a pile of snow, it makes my arms tingle weird, it's so cold, but if feels so weird and nice!

Len, put it on right now or I'll drag you back to the Doctor. I don't want to put it on, he said that I'm okay in the snow, for a whole day, so I'm okay, see nothing's happening, but it's so cold and strange! Rin, Rin, have you ever layed in the snow?

And she said of course I have, now Len please please put your jacket on, but I don't want my jacket. I roll over in the snow laughing, making little me imprints. And then I say Rin Rin come on it's fun! Stop being so stuffy like the Doctor, where's I like climbing trees Rin!

And then she looks at me with one eyebrow raised and then she smiles and laughs and says fine fine you win and she throws my jacket on the sidewalk and jumps in the snow pile next to me. And then she says Len are you sure you're all right? And I say uh-huh uh-huh I don't think I ever felt better!

And then she giggles and says if you say so and then starts doing something so I try to see over her shoulder but she says Leeennnnn go away it's a secret hang on a sec! And so I sit back and say okay and then after a minute she turns around and yells surprise! And then there's a ploot on my face and it feels funny and wow it's cold what happened?

Rin is laughing and says hahaha your face, it's priceless! And I laugh and wipe the snow off my face and say what was that? It's called a snowball, here I'll show you how to make it, like this, make sure there are no rocks, and then smooth it out like this. And then I try and my fingers feel sooooo cold but then I make one and I throw it at Rin's face. And then before I know it we're making snowballs as fast as we can and throwing them at each other and laughing!

And then I'm tired so I flop back down on the snow making another Len imprint. And then Rin flops down next to me and says are you sure you're okay? And I say positive for sure, hey Rin, what other things do people do in the snow?

And then she looked thoughtful and says Len, do this, and she lays down and starts waving her legs and arms, and I say Rin Rin what are you doing? And she says just try it. So I start waving my arms and legs too, and then after a while Rin stops and says okay Len stop and stand up, and we stand up together, and then there's two ribbons in the snow! And I say wow Rin we made ribbons, and she laughs her tinkly laugh and says they do look like ribbons, don't they? But they're called snow angels, and now there's a Len angel and a Rin angel.

And then I sat down in the middle of my snow angel and said what else do people do in the snow? And Rin says well they go sledding, but it's too flat here, we need to go to the mountains. And I say can we go now? And she laughs and says no, we can't, we have to—oh my gosh school! Come on Len, we're late!

And then Rin picks up my jacket and helps me up and we go running to school. The snow was so fun I almost forgot.

~.~.~.~

I realized yesterday when I got to school that my fingers were blue. I sat down in my first class and exclaimed oh my gosh oh my gosh my fingers are blue!! But all the kids just laughed at me and called me stupid. I don't think I'm that stupid, but I guess they do.

I guess today is Thursday now. Rin says that she forgot one thing that we can do in the snow, and that if we get more snow or make a big big pile of snow, we can try to sled on it. It sounds fun, I bet the kids calling me stupid won't have as much fun as me tomorrow.

~.~.~.~

Today is Friday. Me and Rin were looking for a big snow pile, she says sledding is fun and we can use this trash can lid to slide on if we can find a big snow pile. So now we're walking down sidewalks looking for snow piles. I ask Rin what's that other thing you said? And she said ohh I almost forgot. Then she walks to the side of the sidewalk and starts making a snowball. I say Rin I don't feel like throwing snowballs. But she says it's not a snowball and I keep watching her, and she makes a big big big snowball. I feel like it would swallow me up.

And then she says, Len make one this size while I keep making this one bigger. And I say okay and start making a big snowball. And then after a while she says okay Len now put yours on top of mine. So I try but it's really really heavy and I can't. So Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says here let me do it and then she picks it up like it's nothing. Then I say what is it? But she says it's not done yet, we need one more ball.

So I watch her make another ball. And then she puts it on top of my ball. What is it? I ask. She says it's called a snowman. But it doesn't look like a man, it's three balls stacked. And then she takes off her jacket and puts it over the back of the middle ball and then I start to see a person. Rin picks up two rocks from the ground and they look like eyes. And then I start shuffling through my pockets and find a banana peel, I remember oh yeah I ate this for breakfast! And I take my banana peel and put it on the snowman's head.

And Rin says it's kind of brown, but I say he has highlights in his hair. And Rin laughs and then says help me find two sticks! He needs arms. So we start looking for sticks on the ground, I find one and Rin finds another one. And then we stick them through the arms of her jacket.

What do we name him? I ask, but Rin says wait wait he's not done. He needs a mouth. And she starts to look around for something but she can't find anything to use. Aww, we can't have a snowman without a mouth.

So I walk towards the snowman and draw a smiley mouth on him. And Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says that works! And so I say now can we name him? And Rin says I think that since he has a banana on his head, it should be you. But I say I don't think I'm made out of snow and Rin laughs and says that doesn't matter, it's Len now.

And I say, won't it be confusing with two Lens? But Rin laughs and I was going to say what but there was a lady that appeared from a window above us yelling what are you kids doing get off my lawn! And then we stare at her wide eyed and she yells shoo! And then Rin grabs her jacket and we run back to my house, laughing the whole way.

~.~.~.~

I think the Doctor is getting suspicious of me and Rin playing in the snow. He says Len you are wet when you come inside, I told you to keep your hat and jacket on, you seem too happy and mischievous, you haven't been listening to me have you?

But all I can think of is how shivery the snow feels when it lands on my head. It makes me tingle nicely.

Len are you listening to me? What? Oh. Doctor I'm still alive aren't I? And he says for now. I be quiet after he says that. I wish he wouldn't say things like that, he just always reminds me how messed up I am on the inside.

~.~.~.~

The snow got all watery today. I saw it out my window that Rin and Ted and the Doctor built. It makes me glad they built it, it makes my room feel less like a laboratory room for a robot boy and more like a room for an alive person. But I feel sad. After I die, no one will live in my room and enjoy the window Rin and Ted and the Doctor built, will they?

~.~.~.~

Miku says that she's glad the snow is melting. It makes me feel all cold and monotonous and drab and I don't know but I don't like it. But I disagree with her. I like the snow, it reminds me of Rin and building snowmans and making snow angels and throwing snowballs at each other.

Speaking of Rin, she doesn't sit with her arm around Kaito anymore. She still sits next to me though. I wonder what happened.

~.~.~.~

Today there were puddles all over the ground. I'm kind of scared to go to school today, I'm scared I'll step in a puddle by accident and my foot will stop working. I wish I could go back to the days when I thought I was going to disappear, instead of knowing that I'm a failed person robot who is dying? I don't even know how to say what I am anymore. I guess all I am is Len. But I guess that means I'm one of a kind, I'm the only Len in the world who is a dying half human half robot person. That makes me feel nicer.

~.~.~.~

Today Kaito was sad and he had his arms folded and was resting his head on them. I asked Kaito what's wrong? And he says all the snow's melted, I wanted just one more snow cone! And I ask Kaito what's a snow cone, and he stands up and puts his hands on my shoulder and says you've never ever ever ever had a snowcone? Ohmygosh! Snow cones are a once a year treat. They're like, sent from the heavens, the god of all ice cream. Especially when you put some flavoring, maybe strawberry….

And his face goes kind of blank, and he starts drooling on himself. I step away a little, it's kind of creepy. I feel awkward when Kaito goes ice-cream mode. I think everyone else does, too. Luka looked ready to burst out laughing.

~.~.~.~

Whenever I get home, Banana always meows and rubs my legs and I say hi Banana and I pick him up and put him on his favorite spot, my head. Then I tell him guess what happened today Banana, you'll never guess and he meows and I say oh well even if you guess right I guess I won't know. So I tell Banana okay don't guess, but something good happened and something bad happened. Do you want to know the good thing or the bad thing?

And he just meows again. So I don't know whether he wanted the good thing or the bad thing. Okay then I'll just start with the good thing Banana, today Ted came and found our table and called out oh Len! Rin! Hi there! And he came and sat next to me. I like sitting between Ted and Rin, it makes me feel safe because I know neither of them will try to make me eat more ice-cream or anything. But I wonder why Ted doesn't live at home anymore, I guess he got adopted, did he Banana? You know, you weren't sleeping for two months. And Banana meows. I guess that means yes. And then I say here's the bad news, Banana, Neru came back to the table today too. She says oh Lenlen, you've been gone so long and so much that I thought you died or something! Gosh, will you come over and talk with me? But I tell her no sorry I'm busy. And she says you don't look busy and then she grabs my shoulders and I fall backwards off the bench. And Rin and Ted turn around and gasp and say Neru that's too much! And Neru says oops sorry Lenlen but come please?

But I tried to sit up and couldn't because something was wrong with my back so I said uhh no I'm good here thanks. Look at the clouds… they're pretty. And then Neru snorted jerk and left.

And then I just stayed on the ground because I couldn't move and Miku says umm Len you can get up now you know? And I say ummmmm yeah but uh I uh kind of like it down here. And Kaito says ooh really? And falls off his bench backwards and yells owie! But then he looks at the sky and and says ooh you're right, that one looks like an ice cream bar.

And then Rin leans over and Rin says Len are you okay? But I kind of shake my head no because my back hurts and I can't move. And then Ted bends over towards me too and says quietly Len, I think they're getting suspicious…

Well I can't help it because my back is stuck.

And then Ted says loudly oh let me try, too! And he lightly falls backwards onto the ground beside me and pushes me over onto my side and I yell ow! Because it hurts. And then Ted yells oops sorry Len I missed! And then he whispers to me I think I know how to fix you up, and he does something weird to my back, maybe he kicked me? I don't know but it popped and then I felt okay again. Then he whispers careful Len, there's a puddle near your head. Then he stands up and gets back on the bench and says I guess the sky's not too interesting. I get up and sit down again too, and Rin sighs and puts her head on my shoulder.

And then I lean towards Ted and whisper thanks in his ear. He smiles at me and I smile back. I think I'm very glad Ted's my friend.

Banana meows and I tell him good grief Banana, be really glad you're not a robot! It gives you backaches like you wouldn't believe.

~.~.~.~


	9. Chapter 9

**Two this time :D**

**Special for Arin, who requested I post the whole thing –SHOT- I won't do that, but here's an extra chapter for you! w**

**Enjoy, everyone~**

~.~.~.~

**Ch9**

My my my answer to wh wh where s storks g get th their b babies f fell from t the s sky today. I f feel j jittery, it's s so c creepy, my q question a about girls and b boys also got answered, I d don't think I like school s so much anymore, t this is so c creepy, I s stopped paying a attention in class a after g girls, b because w well I guess I am a b boy, I I feel v ve very d disturbed.

A and w worse yet w when class e ended, m my teacher s said we're going to have a test on both male and female genitilia on Monday, so study up! B but I d didn't pay attention a and now I am c confused j just a little. And n now I h have to find s someone t to ask f for help f from. B but I d don't want to a ask anyone.

~.~.~.~

D D Doctor, I say, p p please a answer a a a a a q q q q question f for me!! And he laughs and says well spit it out, I don't have all day. And I tell him w w well t this is my v vocabulary list for h health b but I d don't know a any o of these terms and D Doctor w w w what's…

And he says yes? What's what? Are you having a vocal error or speech impairment?

And I say n n n no b b b but Doctor w w w w what's a p p p p p p p p penis?

And the Doctor makes a face and turns back to his work and I still don't know, and I have a test Monday now, and I don't want to not turn t this paper in but I don't know anything!

~.~.~.~

I I I I tried to l l l look it up in my book but it was so so so I don't like looking at the pictures! S so I tried to l l look on the internet b b but t t t two p people d d doing s something I I I don't know s s scary..!

A and to add to my list of bads, I found a sheet that I forgot about, it's l labeling all the parts of s stuff! A and well I I I guess I r r r r r recoginize one a l l little b b b b because I I'm a b boy but I s still don't know. I I I wish I could label one girl and one boy and be done.

I think I am going to crawl into a hole and hide until Tuesday.

~.~.~.~

Rin and the Doctor burst into my room today and said Len Len are you feeling okay, it's not like you to stay home from school on purpose, have you stopped functioning properly do you feel okay has your brain overloaded?

And I am sitting there staring at my boy and girls sheets and they walk in and I cover them and my face feels really really hot because well Rin is a girl and the girl paper is different from the boy paper!!

N n n n n no it's j j j j just I…. Rin walks over and says Len what are you hiding? It's okay, you can show me. And my face feels hot and Rin is all close to me but I can't help but look because well because she's a girl!!

Len? What are you—Len, what's gotten into you? What are you hiding? Nothing nothing I can figure it out if I sit here long enough!! But it's too late because she sees my blank papers labeled girl and boy and her face turns red and she mumbles oh and sits down next to me.

And I say s s s s s sorry Rin I I I I I I didn't mean t to b b ut and she laughs and her face isn't as red and she says okay do you need help? And then she leans near me and I kind of pull away because she's a girl and well she's a girl and that's enough reason right?

Len? What is so surprising? Don't you know all this already? No I don't know it Rin and and well well it's just weird, y you're a girl and I I'm a boy, and o on the internet well there I I ahh it's so weird! I thump my head on the table because banging my head makes me feel better.

Len stop banging your head! You are going to break something! Now look here, I am going to teach you everything, because you can't run from school just because you don't understand this. Len stop banging your head! Ugh, Len, I don't know what to do with you sometimes.

~.~.~.~

Rin says that differences between girls and boys makes life interesting. I think it just makes life scary, and it's weird that babies don't come from storks because that's what the Doctor said when I asked him. But then again he lied to me about lot of things but I can understand why he lied for this one because well how real babies are made is really really weird I feel like yelling aaauuuughhhh it's so ahhhh! Rin says that happens when a man loves a woman and they get married and sleep in the same bed.

I keep staring at couples now when I walk to and from school. I hope they're not married and sleep in the same bed because they'll do that and and and that's scary!!

~.~.~.~

I can't stop looking at Rin and Luka and Miku and Meiko and Neru because well well they're girls and I still can't stop thinking about the different parts!! Ted keeps laughing and saying buddy what's on your mind and I say I I I I I hope you never have to find out like I did and he laughs and says what but I don't tell him.

Rin says stop thinking about all that Len, think about something else, you'll feel better. But when I start thinking okay what else can I think of, I think what else can I think of instead of THIS and then I just want to smack myself because I'm too busy thinking to think of anything else!

~.~.~.~

Neru came again today and said Lenlen everyone's calling you stupid port-boy, they say anyone that hangs out with you isn't cool, so I – and I interrupt her and say so so does that mean you'll stop coming?

And she says no of course not, I told all the people saying bad stuff about you to fuck off. What do you think, Lenlen?

I think I don't like that word. That's what I think.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor says he's ready to make a new person, that it's a girl this time, and I was surprised he asked me is it okay with you to have her around for a while. And then I remembered the girl boy stuff and say ahhhh why did you remind me? Ahhh! And I start hitting my head on the wall because whenever I do that it makes me feel better.

And the Doctor says dammit Len, I swear you're going to damage your brain or cranial machinery, and I'm not fixing it for you! And then he pulls me by my shoulders away from the wall and shoves me out of the room. I shake my head and call back to the Doctor, I wish you didn't make people but I'm good, and then I walk away because I have stuff to do.

~.~.~.~

Rin came to visit me today. She says that she just wanted to talk to someone. But I tell her why not talk to someone with human understanding because I will probably give you a dumb answer that won't help at all. And she laughs her tinkly laugh and says well you're my best friend Len, people go to their best friend when they feel unsure.

And then I tell Rin I think you're my best friend too, I can't think of anyone I like more. And she smiles and hugs me and quietly says I love you Len, really, and I hug her back and say Rin, you're definitely definitely my bestest friend ever, so if you're okay with dumb answers to questions I don't understand, then you can come and talk to me whenever you want.

And she laughs her tinkly laugh and says okay Len, it's a best friend's promise, that means you come visit me whenever you want to talk, okay?

And I tell her okay, it's a promise, forever and ever. But I left out the part about it not really being forever or even five years because I don't want her to cry, I don't like it when Rin cries.

~.~.~.~

Banana keeps getting bigger. I think he's fat now, he doesn't fit on my head too well anymore these days. But he still purrs and he always takes a bite out of my bananas whenever I eat them.

I told him today, Banana, I think you're getting too big for my head. But then he reached a paw down and scratched my forehead. I don't think he's going to give up his favorite spot so soon.

~.~.~.~

Meiko says that all of us as a group should join the talent show that's coming up. And Miku says ooh talent show? I've always wanted to be in a talent show! And Gakupo says I, my friends, am a one man act, I could win the whole thing by just standing on stage! And Luka says yeah right, that's ridiculous. And Gakupo says really? I don't think so. And Luka says well I think so.

And then Rin asks what should we do? And Kaito says yeah, I don't think I'm talented at anything. Ted says me neither. And then Meiko says what about you, Len? What do you think?

Well I think it'd be fun if we all did something together. So I say I think we should! And then everyone slumped in their seats except for Meiko and Gakupo. And then they all look at me funny, and I ask umm did I say something wrong?

~.~.~.~

Here is our plan of action, we're going to do a musical – nooo why a musical? I don't think I can sing well, man! Shut up Ted, we're singing. I don't know if I'm good at singing either, oh well be quiet, everyone just SHUT UP! Okay we shut up Meiko, what now?

As I was saying, okay guys, we do a musical act of two lovers who go out to sea together but then their ship goes BOOM! And they're separated, but one escapes and gets to shore and finds their lover missing forever! Isn't that sad?

Meiko, I think you ripped off Titanic! No I didn't, I thought of that with my own mind. No you didn't, no you didn't. Yes I did! Nuh-uh. Uh-huh. No. Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes!

I think my head hurts. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything about us all doing something together.

~.~.~.~

Okay guys, today I came up with a better story! Two lovers go to Las Vegas—not the lovers! Meiko, think of something else will you! Aww, but lovers are tragic. So they're lovers and they go to Vegas, and….

I stop listening to Meiko because Rin looks sad today. So while everyone is talking I say Rin are you okay? And she smiles a little and says ah, yeah, I'm okay. And I say okay but then I realize that that wasn't very Rin-like. So I say are you sure? Remember the promise?

And she says fine, you win, come on, I'll tell you, and so we get up from the table and walk around campus to the backside of the building. Rin says well, remember when Kaito and I were going out? And I say yeah, aren't you still?

And she looks at me and says well that's the thing, I broke up with him, but I feel bad about it. He didn't do anything wrong, I just wasn't happy…

But I say Rin, you're not happy now, either. Even though I don't understand what breaking up is, I guess it's like un-going out. Maybe like coming back in? You go out, you come back in…

Rin says true, but I know I wouldn't be happy if we went back. I wanted to give him a chance because I couldn't say no to him. He's Kaito, you know him Len, but he's just not the one for me.

I don't really get what Rin is talking about since I lack that human understanding stuff. So I don't say anything.

Kaito doesn't seem upset about it, maybe he knew all along. But this whole lover idea makes me feel kind of embarrassed, doesn't it Len?

Umm, maybe. I don't know. It makes me confused. And Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says yes I suppose it does. And then she sighs and her eyes look dull again, I can tell when she's sad because her eyes get less bright and sparkly.

And then we just stand there behind the building for a while, until I say Rin, I don't really know what you're talking about, but I want to make you happy, I thought of something that might make you happier.

And she looks at me and smiles and says, What Len?

So I lean forward and kiss her too, just like she did for me. And maybe for once I did understand something human, because afterward she smiled and hugged me and said you're right, that does make me feel better, thank you Len.

~.~.~.~

Okay, now we need to pick parts! Meiko, are we still really seriously doing that? Of course! Who wants to be the lead part? No one answers. Meiko gets mad and stands up and says you guys want it but now you don't? I say maybe we should try playing rock paper scissors and whoever wins gets the part. And Miku says I say whoever _loses_ gets the part. And Ted says deal!

So Meiko says okay then, we'll compete in twos, loser keeps going! Girls go against girls and guys go against guys because we need a lead girl and a lead guy. So we all go and I go against Gakupo and I lose. I don't know too much about rock paper scissors, I only played with Ted once. Meiko and Luka battled and Meiko lost so she won. Then me and Kaito battled and I lost again so I won.

Then Miku and Meiko went against each other and they got the same one, and then they got the same one again, and Rin says jeez just skip them. But then Ted says if we skip them then you're the only one left. So Rin says o-oh! I don't want to be it, but Meiko and Miku had these faces that glared and then they said okay Rin's it.

And then me and Ted went and I actually beat Ted and I was glad that I wasn't the main role! I don't think I could remember my lines, and I don't know if little robot boys like me can sing. Ted says aww dangit and then Rin says why us you want it so much Meiko you do the main girl. And Meiko laughs and says hey hey now Rinny, I never said I wanted the main part! I just said we wanted to do this.

And Rin slapped her palm to her face and I laughed because her expression was just so funny looking that I had to. And she asked me why I'm laughing and I say oh nothing, nothing.

~.~.~.~

Today's Friday so do you know what that means? The Talent show is in two weeks. I made scripts last night, here you go Rinny, Teddy bear, Luka, Miks, Lenny, Gak Gack Gacky, Kaikai, me. Miku says why is Luka the only one without a nickname and Meiko says just because.

Then Meiko says okay I also made tapes for the melodies of the songs because they're new songs I wrote them, don't diss them. And she gives everyone cds. I don't know if I'll be able to sing or not. I hope so.

~.~.~.~

Rin came over to my house today so that we could practice together and she says Len why did you support all this in the first place? And I say well I thought it'd be fun to do this all together since well we won't all be together any more after I'm gone. And Rin makes a pouty face and I know that she doesn't like me reminding her either.

She sighs and says well we better start, so we put the cd into my computer and the melody starts playing. Then Rin starts trying to sing words and she says come on Len, you sing too. But I can't help but notice that Rin has a really really nice singing voice, it sounds like flower pollen floating in the wind.

~.~.~.~

Rin came back today and we practiced more. She says why don't we try recording ourselves? And I say umm Rin I don't want to record myself I think I sound really weird already. And Rin says not really, I think we sound good together. And I say, as long as your voice is louder than mine we sound good together. And she laughs and says, I don't think so, but okay. Come on, let's sing it again. And I ask do we have to? Because I don't really like singing because I sound bad. And Rin says no you don't it's just you thinking that. We just went in a circle, Len, just sing okay?

And I sigh and say okay. And so me and Rin sing.

~.~.~.~

Hey, how many of you practiced? A few of us mumble oh um I did including me and Rin. And I say I sing bad. And Meiko laughs and says I bet we all think we sound bad, but I think that we'll do good. And then Ted says uhhh I really don't think I'm made for singing, someone else should do the lead spot?

And Gakupo says I would absolutely love to lead! But everybody says no. And then it goes quiet so I say, um, can I not sing? I sound really really ugly and bad and I think that—nonsense Lenny, I'm sure you sound great!

I don't think I sound great.

~.~.~.~

Umm, don't you think we all should practice this together? That's what Luka says. I agree, I don't know if I'll even remember the lines I have and I'm not even an important character. Meiko says good idea, okay guys let's all come to my house after school and practice!

I bet Meiko's house is scary.

~.~.~.~

I was right, Meiko's mom was so enthusiastic it was scary. I remember her running over to me and saying aww you look younger than all the others how cute! And she hugged my head I was like umm excuse me Miss Sakine but I can't breathe!! And she says oh sorry and lets me go and then goes to hug Kaito exclaiming awww you're so absentminded!! And Kaito says huh?

Meiko's house is huge. I think she's rich. She had this big big bigbig room her mom called a foyer she said you guys can practice in this foyer! It's good for singing because it echoes. And then we practice and as soon as Ted starts singing I think I want to pull my ears out!!

Meiko says dear god Ted have you ever sung before? And he says uhh haha I think I'm better off not singing. And Meiko says you're right. Okay who wants to be new man lead? And Gakupo says I most certainly do! But Meiko says no way, and looks at me and Kaito. Kaito is staring at the chandelier saying it looks like stacked ice cream cake! So Meiko says okay Len you're the only guy left. And I say I don't want the lead role Meiko, I'm going to mess up because I can't even remember my lines right now! And she says don't worry you'll be fine and pushes me into Ted's spot and Ted smiles and winks at me and I say what and he says oh nothing. I'm just glad I don't have the lead anymore! Haha!

I felt mad at Ted because that was mean I bet he sang bad on purpose. So then Meiko says okay Len sing Ted's part now, I sing bad on purpose so I don't have to do it. But Rin says Len stop singing bad on purpose! Oopsie. I forgot Rin knows how I sing normal. And Gakupo says how can we possibly have a lead male who sings badly on purpose? Why, I should be the lead male. I am perhaps most manly of us all.

And Luka says no way Gakupo, you're the one with long purple hair and still tries to call yourself a man. Then Gakupo was quiet because he looked like he got stabbed with something big and pointy.

Meiko says okay Len, trade scripts with Ted, because I don't think Kaito will remember anything. And then we all look at Kaito and he looks down from the chandelier and says wait what?

~.~.~.~

U-umm, my dear honey, please be mine! Oh George, I will be yours! Oh no oh no big earthquake! Len, say it with more emotion! And don't say oh no big earthquake while just standing there, look like you're in the middle of an earthquake! And I ask how do you do that and she says just do it! And Rin, scream like the building is about to fall on you because it is!

I look at Rin and she looks at me and we sigh, and then Meiko says go! And then I say my dear honey, please be mine! Rin says oh George, I will be yours! And then I start bouncing up and down and say oh no oh no a big earthquake!! And then I stop and say Meiko was that better?

She sighs and slaps to her hand to her face. I think that means no.

~.~.~.~

Guys, it's Friday and the Talent show is in exactly one week! What do we do? And Miku says um practice more? And I say but we keep on practicing, why can't we just stop? But Meiko says no no nono noooo we can't do that! We must fight until the end!

I don't want to fight. And I don't want to sing, either.

~.~.~.~

More emotion, Len, Rin, come on! Sound like you're burning up with passion! But Meiko I'm not burning up, am I? I hope not, I don't want to melt on your floor, I—forget it Len, just do it again!

Oh no, dear Mel, my Melissa dear, why did that brick fall to your head! No Len no, stop it, you don't sound sad at all! I don't think it's even possible for you to sound sad! Okay I have an idea, how about George gets hit with the brick and dies and Melissa is sad instead. Well I look at Rin because I don't want to pretend to die because when I die for real that's enough dying for one life time.

Miku says just do it Len, come on, it means less lines for you to memorize! And then I immediately lay down and pretend to be dead. The less lines the better!

~.~.~.~

I noticed today that Meiko stops giving us nicknames when she's mad. Len, seriously, dead people don't laugh! That's what she says. But Rin had to lean over me and say oh George my dear George why did that brick land on your head! And it just makes me want to giggle because no one can die from a brick to the head. I think.

~.~.~.~

Okay it's Monday guys, the rehearsal is on Wednesday. We have two days. And Gakupo says I don't think we can make it into the show with a corpse that laughs! Well I can't help but laugh because it's funny. And Meiko says Lenny it's not funny when you're dead, when you're dead you're gone forever and dead people don't laugh anymore! Gosh, I think we need to cut your laughing cords because you laugh too much.

I was quiet after that. Meiko is right, dead people don't laugh. Because, because they're gone forever and they'll never ever get up and laugh and play games and do plays ever again.

~.~.~.~

Oh woe is meeeeee, the hotel has fallen on my loverrrrrr, and now I'm all aloooooooo--- Rin stop! Len, stop interrupting Rin's singing with your laughing! I'm sorry I'm sorry but no one sings that after their lover gets hit with a brick! Then Kaito says you know I think this is more of a comedy than a tragic play. And then Miku says yeah Meiko, your script sucks.

And Meiko says well too late we're rehearsing for the show tomorrow, so Len die on your stomach this time so you can cover your mouth. I don't know why I keep laughing, it's just so funny. I don't know why it's funny though since I'm dying I guess. But it's really really funny anyway, this play is the weirdest thing ever. I think it's weird that the one that's dying is being the dead one, I don't know why it's funny but it is!

~.~.~.~

Haha! Well I do have to say that was quite a show. I don't think I've ever seen a play quite like yours, it's… interesting, to say the least. Sure, join the show, we'd love an act like that.

Meiko says thank you, thank you so much! Do you have any helpful comments? And the guy says, well, besides the whole a whole hotel in Las Vegas collapsed and someone died from a single brick instead of a chunk of building… maybe cut the laughing corpse?

And Meiko glares at me, and I cover my mouth. No more laughing any more, I promise I promise!

~.~.~.~

Tomorrow's the real thing, ready guys? No, no, no no no no no that's what everyone says. But then I say well if we're never ready then it's never over. And then everyone blinks and says oh yes yes yes we're definitely ready.

And so Meiko says okay we're running through this whole thing one more final time before the real thing, ready guys? And we all nod and get in our places and I start by walking out into the middle of Meiko's foyer saying oh my, this hotel is great for just you and me, Melissa dear. And then Rin runs up behind me and says oh yes, I think we should hit the drinks first! And I say what kind, wine whiskey or beer? And Rin says, only the strongest, George dear, for we must have lots of fun!

~.~.~.~

I don't know what to do except smile because everyone in the crowd is cheering and clapping at us. I didn't laugh this time! I'm proud of myself. And I remembered all my lines and only stuttered once, I'm proud of myself for that too. But I'm not proud of my singing because I still think I sound ugly.

I think we did a really good job, Luka says. I can't believe we actually did it. She takes off her bunny ears because she was the singing bunny suit girl in our Las Vegas hotel. And Miku says yeah I know, I can't believe we did that. And Meiko laughs and says really good job, Luka? We did awesome!! High five everyone! And then we all go in a circle and kind of fumble our hands together because there's too many of us to do a high five.

And then Meiko says Rinny, you sounded so torn with passion and despair! You did fabulous! And Rin smiles and says well I tried. But her smile looked different somehow. I think she imagined me dying. I hope she didn't, that's just too much I think.

We hear them announce we have our three finalists, we are judging by the audience's cheers! Then we will state what our very own judges thought of the act. Will Sarah's Juggling Squad, Yuki's Tapdance Team, and Meiko's Awesome Troupe come out on stage? And we all look surprised and Miku says, you named our act Meiko's Awesome Troupe? Meiko, what kind of name is that?

And Meiko says oh, come now Miks, we are awesome aren't we? And then she ducks under the curtain and goes out. I don't know why on earth they called us out. I liked all the other acts more than ours.

Who votes for Sarah's Juggling Squad? The whole theater screams and I almost cover my ears because it's too loud. Who votes for Yuki's Tapdance Team, let's hear it! Louder screaming and clapping, I shut my eyes because it's too loud. Last but not least, who votes for Meiko's Awesome Troupe? And oh my gosh this time I did cover my ears. I think maybe the crowd had it all wrong and was voting for the worst act of the show.

Well we have a clear cut winner, what do our judges have to say about the act? And then a lady voice comes on and says it was very interesting! It was very spontaneous, very comical and yet horribly tragic. All of you have great voices, I think you should start a band or something. Then a boy voice comes on and says I agree, you guys have great voices, but I have to say the most touching part was after the male lead died. And then another girl voice comes on and says I loved the whole thing, I loved all of it! And then the audience starts cheering and clapping, and I lean over and ask Rin I wonder why they liked us so much. And then she kisses my cheek quickly and says it's because Meiko put awesome in our group name. I laugh because that seems like the most likely reason ever ever ever.

~.~.~.~

**I wish now that I had used other fanmade Vocaloids, but I guess that would have screwed up the storyline :C**

**This one was really fun to write. I remember. Lol.**

**The end of this chapter is so predictable and overused though –KILLED-**


	10. Chapter 10

**Oh my goodness, I'm sorry everyone! I totally forgot about uploading more chapters of this. Sorry!**

**Arin: LEN AIDS. It kind of is! xD**

**slkahfajsfnsaf I would be the worst author EVER. xD But thanks so much! The thought that you think that is very dsflihsdjkjlsd ;w;**

**Yam: LOL well being a pervert is one of the things I do best.**

**And dood. Your critiques are like the best ever (you and miks). I always accept critiques. It's just no one gives me any. -SHOT-**

**WitchJuliana12: Thank you! This one's for you :'D**

**The Comment: (Nice name XD) Awww, thank you :D  
**

**LOL Even after writing this, I sound like the Len from this story. His consciousness never really left my mind. **

**Me: -rambles to someone- Well I think that it's a good idea but I guess it could be better, like mayb--**

**Them: ?**

**Me: I sound like TTLen. -facepalm-**

**Please try to enjoy, everyone~**

~.~.~.~

**Ch10**

Ever since the talent show days keep rolling on and on and on. Everyone at lunch talks, Rin comes to my house and we talk and do random stuff, Banana keeps growing bigger and won't get off my head, the Doctor keeps doing whatever kind of research he does… I don't know, it just seems like days are less important now. But I try to stop and cherish each day that happens because one day I'm going to stop working and these days will be something that I will want to reach out for and live in forever.

I know that things won't be like this forever. Everyone won't sit at lunch at talk, Rin won't come to my house and we won't talk and do random stuff, Banana will stop growing and will be content to sit on the floor, and the Doctor will stop doing research. But the thought of that scares me. I don't want it all to end, I wish that time would just stop speeding by. But days just keep whooshing past like cars on the street.

~.~.~.~

Can you believe it, guys? I'm graduating next month, and then, I don't know what will happen. I hope you guys stick together. That's what Meiko says, I forgot that she's a senior and I'm never ever going to see her ever again. It makes me sad. I don't want Meiko to leave.

And then after that, I'll be gone. That's what Kaito says. He looks sad. I don't want to leave, next year seems too soon. And we all agree, Kaito doesn't seem old enough to graduate, even if it is a whole 'nother year from now.

And then after that, the next year, Gakupo, Miku, and I are leaving. That's Luka. I really don't want to think about graduating though, it makes me feel sad. I don't like to think about any of us leaving, you know? I wish we could just stay as a group like this forever.

And we all agree and say yeah. And Miku says, I can't imagine us as a group any other way. Even one of us leaves, and it just wouldn't feel right. Meiko, I don't know what we're going to do without you. Miks, Miks, don't worry, I have a feeling you guys will stick together through thick and thin until all the rest of you graduate. And you'll make new friends next year to replace me. And the year after you'll make friends to replace Kaito.

But I wonder, will they find a replacement for me?

~.~.~.~

Hey Len, can you do me a favor? And I say sure Rin. Can you hold this? I really really need to go to the bathroom. So I hold her backpack and then I wait for her outside the girls bathroom. And then I see Kaito walking along and he says oh hi Len! And waves. And I wave back and he walks over and he says hi Len, what're you doing? And I say I'm waiting for Rin.

And then he says ohhhh. And then he says well I'll wait too, I have nothing else better to do. Haha hey that rhymed! And then I say hey Kaito, you should try and rhyme everything you say when Rin comes out. And he says I don't know if I can do that, rhyming is hard! But I say try try please? If you get really stuck then I'll finish your sentence for you like we're mind connected twins.

And then Rin comes out and she says oh hi Kaito! And Kaito says hi Rin! And then he stops for a second and I look at him and he says uhh I… dropped my pin! And then he bends over and pokes the ground. And Rins says umm what the heck are you doing? And I give her her backpack and I say he's poking the ground, can't you see? And Kaito stands up and says well I'll be.

And Rin gives us a face like what the heck? And me and Kaito just want to burst out laughing. But we hold it in. Why are you two rhyming? What are you scheming? Then Kaito says we're scheming nothing, I like this time of year spring. And then Rin says it's almost summer and I see this pretty butterfly fluttering over her head. Kaito says ooh ooh that butterfly is purple!

And then I cross my arms and huff because Kaito messed us up, nothing rhymes with purple.

~.~.~.~

Hey, Len, what's going on in that brain of yours today? That's Ted. He says that my mind is more mysterious than like, the Loch Ness monster, or the Nazca Lines, or the pyramids! Well I've only heard of the pyramids, they're in Egypt. But I don't think my mind is that mysterious, because well I guess I see my mind every day. Well I guess I don't see see it, I just know it's there, but I guess how I know my mind is there actually is a mystery.

~.~.~.~

Days go by, you are very very dazed, veeeeeeeery dazed, you feel sleepy, maybe you will sleep right now, you—hey how do you read my mind? Gahh I can't hypnotize you when you ask me questions! Len just be quiet I'm going to hypnotize you!

By my name that isn't Kaito, you're sleepy! You're really really sleepy! And you're not thinking anything right now but of my words, you're hearing what I say, that's it! You're not thinking of questions, your mind is blank!

No it's not. And then Kaito throws his pendant at Gakupo and says Len you think too much.

~.~.~.~

I asked the Doctor today what he does when he's in his lab researching. And he says well I'm a scientist, I research. Well I know that but what are you researching? And he says do you really want to know? And I say yes. So he says okay, fine, come in here Len and I'll show you.

Well I don't know why he didn't just tell me but I say okay and follow him. And then he goes and sits at the stool he always sits at and says I research a lot of things, I program lots of things, which do you want to know about? And I ask why can't you just give me an overview please?

And he says well scientists don't do overviews, so I will start with the People Creator. Then he gets up and walks to the People Creator room and sits down at the people maker computer. He says remember this Len? And I say Doctor how could I forget, I hate this thing. And he laughs and says you would. Okay Len, I'm going to tell you how I make people. First you pull up their picture, I'll just pull up yours and Rin's as an example. Then he clicks the picture of me and Rin and I look down at my clothes because they're the same as in the picture and I realize oh I wear this all the time, and the Doctor says that's involuntary programming, everyone made from the People Creator come out in their trademark outfit and they automatically wear it when they don't think carefully about what to wear. Despite being a failed model you're no different. Then he opens me and Rin's picture into a different program and clicks Rin's side of the picture.

Here I program personality characteristics. Does this sound like Rin to you? I look at the screen and it says kind, friendly, sarcastic, smart, takes responsibility when necessary, and then I stop reading because those are all things Rin is like. See what I mean? The Doctor says and I nod. And then he says, what's interesting though is that because you failed not all your characteristics came out properly. I look again. Kind but arrogant, thoughtless, often resorts to violence when confused, often asserts he is a man, careless, often full of himself. And then I stop reading and say well Doctor I don't think I'm arrogant I hope? And the Doctor says no, you're not, and I think the last thing I would call you is thoughtless, you think too much. I think reading these things are strange, I guess that's reading into a person a little too much.

But programming these people take a very long time, because you have to input many many situations and how the person would react so that the real person has personality. And I say ooh can you do an example of me? And the Doctor scrolls down the page and I look at one of them. Pencil gets stolen by irritating classmate; what does Len Kagamine do? Stands up and says man you are annoying, give that back! I say well Doctor that doesn't sound like me either, even if someone is annoying, if they steal a pencil maybe they're poor and they need it. And the Doctor laughs and says had enough for one day? And I say no I'm still curious, wait Doctor, once you said these pictures are Vo, what's Vo?

And the Doctor looks startled for a second before looking at me calmly and putting his hand on my head. That's enough information for one day, Len, I'm getting back to work now. And then he leads me out the People Creator room and locks the door and goes back to his stool and looks through a microscope.

~.~.~.~

Today at lunch Meiko said hey guys, my mom just bought tickets for everyone to go biking in the mountains. She said that since I only have a week left until I graduate, we all should do something fun. And Miku asks when is it? The rest of us still have final exams. And Meiko says Miks don't be so stuffy, it's after school's over, we'll all go to the mountains in a bus and go down this long bike path that goes all the way down the mountain. Just think of it guys, come on, the nice warm summer air blowing in your faces!

Gakupo says that sounded nice until the blowing in your face part, I don't want my hair to be messed u—we'd love to! That's what Luka interrupted Gakupo to say. And then Gakupo said but—and Luka interrupted him and said _all _of us.

And Meiko laughed and says awesome! Here's your tickets guys, on that day meet me at my house and we'll all go to the bus station together!

Well I've never ridden on a bike before, but all the guys on TV that ride bikes make it look terrible! They're all sweaty and well it doesn't look too pleasant, but if Rin and Kaito and everyone else besides Gakupo is excited to go then it must be fun.

~.~.~.~

When Meiko goes up on the platform to get her diploma, we all shout and cheer and yell yay Meiko! And then she turns and smiles at us and waves and we're glad she knows we're cheering for her. It's going to be so different without her.

I remember the Doctor said once that he made all of us with his People Creator. I wonder if he's proud of Meiko? I know Meiko's mom is, she is sitting with us and she's crying and patting her eyes with her handkerchief and saying our little Meiko is grown up! And Meiko's dad is patting her shoulders.

But then when I think about it, I wonder did the Doctor really make Meiko more than ten years ago? I don't think computers existed that long ago. Or maybe they did, I don't know. Maybe the Doctor puts fake memories into the parent's heads too.

~.~.~.~

Bike riding? Len, that is absolutely preposterous! No, Rin, he's not ready to go, he is staying right here. You know that he is deteriorating, he can't handle something like that, besides if something happens I'm not there to help, and—okay Doctor, we get it.

I'll just go to my room, I guess. Bye Rin. And then the Doctor watches me go and I close my door and open the window and I say okay coming! And then I start squirming out the window but it closes on me and I yelp ow by accident and Rin is like Len shhh he's going to hear! And I bite my lip and try to get through but the window's stuck, Rin Rin help! And I reach out my hands and she pulls me out the window just as the Doctor opens my door and yells what the?

And then before he can catch us, me and Rin are running down the sidewalk laughing.

~.~.~.~

Len, you've been being very naughty lately, you know that? I keep telling you, don't do things like bike riding and running and trying new foods and I'm really regretting building you that window and well the Doctor is just a stuffy old Doctor and so I don't really listen to him any more.

I'm going to die, right? So I might as well enjoy my time left here, that's what I think.

~.~.~.~

Len, I'm fed up with you. I'm going to board that stupid window we built you. You always sneak out of it, you're driving me nuts, I can't keep track of you. I look at the Doctor wide eyed. You're not really going to, right, right? You and Ted and Rin built it so I could see outside!

And he says you lost your seeing privileges, go wait in the laboratory while I board your window up. No no, Doctor no, please please please wait I promise I'll be good I promise! I promise, don't board it, please don't, it makes my room—he shoves me in.

I just sit on the floor and cry. The Doctor doesn't know anything, he doesn't know that having a window makes you feel like you're a person not a robot, and having a window lets you see outside and it makes you feel happy in the morning, he doesn't understand, he doesn't understand!

~.~.~.~

I don't feel happy any more. I think the Doctor wants to isolate me from the world, now, and everything I've built outside of this laboratory. It doesn't feel like home any more. The Doctor locks me in, he says Len I'd love to run some tests on you, that'll keep you busy if you'd like, no I wouldn't like it, I hate the tests and experiments and the test tubes, I want to be outside playing with Rin. Well you can't play any more, you keep forgetting that you are not fit for playing.

I am fit for playing, see Doctor, I haven't broke in months and months. That doesn't mean you're healthy Len, god, sit down and sit quietly.

The Doctor doesn't understand anything. Maybe when I cry he says that's so annoying, crying boys are bad boys, so they have to sit inside and wait to die. That's what I think.

~.~.~.~

Len, swallow the tears while I tell you something important. First off crying is not going to make you better, secondly I've discovered why on earth you can cry without short circuiting yourself. Salt water, Len, tears are salt water, but food and rain is pure water. I guess you're okay with salt water. It just happens I used salt water in that test tube, it…

I don't care about salt water. I want to see Rin.

~.~.~.~

God dammit, Len, do you ever shut up? How can you cry like this for days and days and days on end, I think I'm going to keep this headache for the rest of my life. And I say well Doctor, I don't want to wait and die, I want to go outside with Rin. And the Doctor says don't you want to sit quietly and live longer?

But I said no, no, I want to go out now, it's okay if I die faster, I want to go outside and play with Rin.

~.~.~.~

Doctor, why won't you let Rin inside? I promise we won't go anywhere, I promise, I just want to talk to her. No, she puts crazy ideas into your head, so does Ted, you are going to stay inside this laboratory Len whether you like it or not.

And me and the Doctor argue every day. I feel like I've been rotting in here for days, days, weeks, years, years, years, tears.

~.~.~.~

Fine, I'll let her in, just this once, if you two set one foot outside, I swear Len, you are never leaving this place again. Okay Doctor, okay I promise to be good, I promise! So he lets Rin inside and she says Len oh Len I'm sorry and I'm so glad to hug her again because I think the Doctor's had me locked in here for weeks.

Len, stop crying, it's okay, he'll let you out eventually, right Doctor? But he doesn't answer and goes back into his lab. That means no, I say, and hug Rin and cry on her shoulder and say he's never, ever, ever letting me out of here ever.

And Rin says no, that's not true, he can't keep you here forever right? And I nod a little and say well, no he can't because I'm not going to last forever. And then Rin says Lennn, stop being so negative, it's not like you, come on, we need to get you to smile. Lay down over here.

Okay, what now? Now, big hug! And she hugs me really tight, and then we just lay on the floor for a while. But Rin's arms are warm and feel nice, Rin is so nice. She says Len, have you slept at all? And I say no, why, I don't need to sleep. When I sleep it's like nightmares, Rin, I dream about everyone and all the fun we used to have. And Rin hugs me tight again and I say Rin, can you just stay here forever? And I curl up with my head under her chin. And she says if I can, Len, I'll stay here as long as you want.

And Rin stayed there until I fell asleep, right there.

~.~.~.~

Rin, don't you need to go home? Don't you have parents that worry about you? The Doctor keeps trying to make Rin leave but she holds my hand and says sure I have parents but they let me do what I want, and right now I want to stay right here. And she sits back down right next to me on the floor.

Then the Doctor grumbles and leaves. Then I say Rin, do you think the Doctor's gone crazy? I think he's gone crazy, he wasn't like this before. And Rin says I don't know, this does seem a little strange. Maybe he discovered something.

I wonder what he discovered?

~.~.~.~

He won't say anything. Rin and I have been asking him for three days so far and he won't say anything. I'm so glad Rin's here with me, I'm so glad. I think that I won't die as fast now, I learned in school that happy people live longer.

I'm not really a person, but I think that being happier will make me live longer. At the least, at least I won't die crying. I want to die a happy robot boy, with Rin right next to me like she is now, holding my hand.

~.~.~.~

Hey Len, do you know why thunder and lightning happens? But there's another crash of thunder when she says that and I'm shaking. W w w well it's magnets r right? And Rin says close, there's negative and positive charges in the sky. Rin does lightning go towards people on purpose? No it doesn't really, it's attracted to water or things standing out in the open.

Rin, I want to feel the rain. Len, you don't really want to, anyway. It's cold and wet. What's it like to be wet? And Rin doesn't answer.

~.~.~.~

I still hear the pitter pattering of rain on the roof. I want to go outside, I want to go outside and feel wet. I want to feel the rain. I don't care about the thunder and lightning now, they're not scary, it's been going on for three days, I want to go outside and feel wet. I don't even care about short circuiting, because I know it'll just happen sooner or later anyway.

Rin says being wet isn't fun like playing in the snow. She says it's cold and miserable. But I say, it's cold and miserable in here too Rin, aren't you cold and miserable? She says only a little. Don't worry about me Len, it's worth it.

I want to go outside and feel the rain.

~.~.~.~

Rin said hey Len I'll be right back, I'm gonna try talking to the Doctor. And I say okay. And then she goes in and I wait outside because I want to hear what they're saying.

I think you've _both_ malfunctioned, you can't keep him in here, and now he wants to run out into the rain and kill himself! I can't malfunction, I'm not a robot like he is. Doctor, what's gotten into you? Did you discover something that you're hiding from us? Ahem ahem what Rin? I didn't quite hear that. Did you discover something you're hiding!

And then their voices go quiet and I'm trying to hear but I can't hear. Then Rin comes out and she looks like her mind isn't on much any more. Rin? What'd he say? She says nothing, he didn't say… anything.

I wish Rin wouldn't lie to me too, I thought Rin was the only person I could trust, and now she's hiding things from me too.

~.~.~.~

Rin stopped holding my hand. She's sitting alone in a corner, her eyes are dull and she is just sitting there quietly. Rin? I ask, if you want to go home, that's okay, I'm okay now, I have Banana after all. But Rin says ahh, no, I'm sorry, I… and then she trails off.

Then she falls asleep so I crack the front door open. It's still raining, and then I see a big flash of lightning and then the thunder comes right after. I'm a little scared, I'm a little scared, but I reach my hand out the door.

It feels so strange, like a million people poking my skin all at once. I don't know how to describe being wet. Now I know why Rin didn't say anything. But it feels nice. I like how it feels, I really like how it feels! It hits me all of a sudden and I hop out the door and the rain flattens my hair onto my face and it makes me feel cold but it's just pounding on me. I run out to the middle of the street where there's no trees or houses blocking the rain, and I just stand there because it feels so nice.

But then my head feels stiff. Really stiff. And then my neck hurts, oh yeah, my port, rain got in my port, oh no, oh no, oh n—

Then there was a huge flash of light, I see white, I feel hot! Hot! I feel strong, but hot! Hot hot hot! I feel wow wow I don't know what I feel but I sure feel strange. Then I hear Rin screaming but I still see white and I don't feel the rain any more. I just feel feel feel feel feel I don't know what I feel!

Then the white fades and I see Rin right in front of me, Len come on, get out of the street, you're in the rain, you'll—it's okay, I'm okay see? The Doctor lied, I can stand in the rain after all! And Rin grabs my arm but screams and holds her hand, L L Len you're hot, you—Rin Rin what happened? Rin are you okay? I reach out for her but she backs up Len what's wrong with you nothing's wrong with me, I can walk in the rain see? See? See Rin I can walk in the rain!

I feel like I could run a million laps in the rain, in the rain, I like the rain Rin but are you okay? Your hand is all burned…

I I'm o k kay, c'mon Len, l let's go i inside… Okay Rin, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll come now. So I walk next to her but she doesn't touch me and when we're inside she says Doctor Doctor! And he comes rushing out, what happened, did—oh my god, Len, what's wrong with you?

I walked in the rain, Doctor, you were lying, weren't you? No, you shouldn't have… but Len, your eyes are yellow. That's silly Doctor, you're just making up excuses, can I go back out? I like the rain!

Len, come in here? Look in a mirror, your eyes are yellow. You too, Rin, what happened to your hand? He's hot, he's so hot, I touched…

Okay come on you two in here. Rin, sit there. Len, sorry, but I have to examine you right now, what happened? I walked in the rain Doctor, it made me flash white and I can walk in the rain. The Doctor puts a hand to his head and says dear god, what's happening now? Len, for God's sake look in a mirror!

So I go to his wall because I don't want the Doctor to get mad but I look and oh my gosh my eyes are yellow! Doctor why are my eyes yellow, Doctor I'm scared, what's happening to me? Doctor Doctor help help, why are my eyes yellow, what's wrong with me?

I don't know, Len, I don't know, don't start crying now oh God, Len get in the test tube, I know you hate it, but this time it's important. I don't want to but why why are my eyes yellow? Am I dying right now? I don't want to die inside the test tube, I don't—

Len please? I don't want you to die! Rin got up off the table and was walking towards me, she's crying, oh no Rin please don't cry too! Len don't die, I don't want you to die yet, I—

I don't know why, but I turned around and went in the test tube this time. I'm not going to drown, or short circuit, because because, I can stand in the rain and I feel like the sun is living inside of me.

~.~.~.~

Len? Len, open your eyes… I blink and then I blink again. Don't say a word, I still don't want you swallowing water, even if it's salt water. What color are my eyes, Doctor? Are they blue again? Please tell me they're my light too blue blue, the kind of blue like ice glaciers on TV, are they blue?

Thank God, it looks like whatever happened to you's subsided now, it looks like you got hit by lightning and supercharged. Is that what happened? Oh. That makes sense.

I try and look for Rin but I can only move my eyes so I don't know if she's there or not. I hope her hand is okay, I didn't mean to— Len, don't be reckless any more, I have something to tell you, I noticed that your brain scans are deteriorating rapidly, as well as your heart and breathing mechanisms – your thinking is more fuzzy and vague, have you noticed? Also, have you noticed how the days are blending together for you? I'm sorry I have to tell you this, Len, you're dying faster than I could have ever anticipated.

I am? Oh.. oh, okay, I'm dying, that's the big secret. I.. I don't want to die. I've been thinking about it, and thinking about it, and saying no it's okay I'm just a robot boy nothing more I'm kind of not really alive, it's okay if I die, but I.. I I don't want to die! I hope at least the Doctor lets me out, I really don't want to die in a test tube, if I'm gonna die I at least don't want to die in the test tube.

~.~.~.~


	11. Chapter 11

_Gawd… guys, I am so sorry ;_;_

~.~.~.~

**Ch11**

There you go, Len, all better. I like being able to breathe, and move around and be free. The Doctor walks over to me and says wait don't step out yet, I have to unplug this manually. And then he reaches around me and unplugs my neck from some wire or something.

Doctor? Is Rin okay? Yes, she just burnt her hand is all, I sent her to the doctor – the medical doctor, that is – she's resting at her house now. I feel so terrible, I want to cry, it's my fault Rin got hurt, if I had listened to everybody and stayed inside, Rin wouldn't have gotten hurt. I'm sorry Rin, I'm sorry, I'm sorry sorry I'm so sorry, if I can make it up to you next time I see you I will, I promise, before I die I'll make it up to you I promise.

~.~.~.~

Doctor? How much longer until I die? Do you know? He shakes his head no. But it's not a few years like I thought, maybe one year or even a matter of months.

Months, months. At least, at least I don't have to see Kaito graduate and leave us forever and ever. I miss everyone from school. I wish that it wasn't summer of this year and it was summer from last year, when I didn't exist and when babies came from the stork.

~.~.~.~

The rain stopped so I'm being careful of the little puddles that are left, I don't know how long the Doctor had me in that test tube. I'm going to visit Rin, because the Doctor said you're going to go anyway so just go. So I'm going to Rin's house to see if she's feeling better, I feel so terrible, so terrible.

I knock on the door and it's Rin's dad. Oh, you're that boy that stayed with us once, Len was it? Rin tells us all about you. Ah yeah I'm Len, um is Rin home? She is but she burnt her hand at her friend's house, she slept over for so long that they got wild and tried to make a cake but she burned her hand on the oven. I don't know if she's feeling too well, I'm worried about her, I think she's become depressed, maybe you should come back another day?

I don't know what to tell Rin's dad so I say o o oh I'm sorry tell her I hope she feels okay – better – a ah… Hahaha it's all right, I'll tell her, thanks for stopping by. And then he closes the door and I turn around off the doorstep and walk down to the curb and just plop down and stare in the street. I don't want Rin to be sad, I don't want her to be depressed or hurting.

Now I'm starting to wish I really didn't exist, ever. That it was just Rin in the picture, that it was just Rin who was born, that it was just Rin who lived and was happy and never met a robot boy named Len who caused more trouble than he's worth.

~.~.~.~

Hello Len, ahh Rin is sleeping right now, maybe come back again? I wish Rin would feel better soon, tell her that again please? Sure thing, see you later.

I hope Rin is feeling better. I feel terrible that she was so nice to me for all those days and then I thank her by burning her. I feel so bad, I want to cry, I hope Rin doesn't hate me.

~.~.~.~

I stopped trying to go to Rin's house. I decided that she probably never wants to see me again so I'll just sit at my house for the rest of summer until school starts. Maybe then we'll sit together at lunch and she'll pretend nothing happened.

I wish that I could feel that flippy stomach feeling one more time. But I'm sure Rin is scared of me or hates me or thinks I hate her so she's probably never going to kiss me again. I wish that the last.. last, last, I don't know how long, I don't know how long has passed, but I wish it hadn't happened.

~.~.~.~

Len, I decided to unboard your window, so if you go in your room today it's unboarded now. Really, Doctor? Really? Thank you! Thank you so much Doctor! It's okay, I think not just me, but you too, we need to start seeing on each other's level. Do you want to learn more about what I do, Len? I can show you more today, if you'd like.

I want to know! So he takes me into his lab and says this is where I study you, do you know that I study you a lot, Len, that's why I always run tests and experiments, because I want to know more about you. You're one of a kind. I am? You are. And then I look at his work station, with lots of bottles and little teeny weeny size test tubes that I could only get my finger into.

Doctor, what's Vo? I still want to know what Vo is. The Doctor looks thoughtful. That's Vocaloid, Len, that's where you and Rin, and also your friends, are from. I use a certain Vocaloid database to download major information and statistics, like age and height and weight. So Doctor I'm a Vocaloid? What is a Vocaloid?

I won't tell you now, I didn't invent the People Creator so everyone in the world could know it was for making Vocaloids real. Shush, Len, I'll take you over here and show you something else I've made.

But I stop paying attention after that. I want to know what Vocaloid is? I wonder if the internet will have anything.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor left to go buy food today so I went in my room and went on the computer to look up Vocaloid. Umm Vocaloid, oh there! So I click and read it out loud because I just can't believe what I'm reading. Vocaloid is a singing synthesizer application software developed by the Yamaha corporation that enables users to synthesize singing by typing in lyrics and melody. That does sound like a computer program, so I really am from a computer program. I want to learn more.

So I find out Kaito and Meiko and Luka and Miku and Gakupo are all Vocaloids, like the Doctor said. And then it says me and Rin are mirror images, I don't know how that works but I just say um okay and then I close the window because I am done with Vocaloids.

It all almost makes sense though. We all sang together, and everyone thought we were great even though we weren't. Except for me, I can't sing. I sound strange. I don't sound pure and flowy and nice like everyone else. I sound stuffed up or something, nasally weird, but my nose isn't stuffy, I just sing weird. I sound high and little, like I really am just a robot boy. And now I realize that's what my voice always sounds like.

I wish I just wasn't me. I don't want to sound weird, I don't want to have chubby cheeks and bright yellow hair, I don't want to be kept alive by machines inside of me, I don't want to die. I wish that everything was different. I wish I had been a successful Len instead of a failed Len, and had never known the life of dying robot Vocaloid Len.

~.~.~.~

I went to go to try and see Rin again today. Today she opened the door and her face lit up but then she dulled a little and said oh Len! Len are you okay? I—And I interrupted her and said no no Rin are you okay? I've been worried, Rin, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to—

And then Rin's mom comes and says what's going on over here? And Rin says oh mom, sorry, Len and I were – and Rin's mom says well, why don't you two take it outside, yes? Little disputes should be kept private. Then she giggles and walks away, Rin turns a little pink but I don't know why, I think Rin's mom is confusing. And then Rin says okay Len c'mon let's sit outside and then we go and sit on the curb.

Rin, Rin I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I didn't listen, I promise I – Len, why did you do that? You could have died! But Rin I'm dying anyway, the Doctor says I—Len be quiet! I know what the Doctor says! Len, Len, why can't you understand? When you die, you're dead Len, you don't get up or feel or hug or laugh or cry or anything! You're gone! Why can't you just keep safe, keep safe, stay as long as you can…

But Rin, I thought you were on my side. I thought, I thought you thought too that I should have fun before I die. I don't want to die as a failed experiment, Rin, I want to die as a person, as a person, as a person with memories and experiences and not the life of a boy living in a lab for ever and ever! Rin looks away and after a while says yeah, you're right, Len, but…

And I say but what? Then I look down at the street. You want me to live longer and keep quiet like putting preservatives into canned fruit. But Rin, I'm going to be expired fruit anyway, so I might as well be tasty fruit than old icky fruit.

Rin turns back to me and she's crying, Rin please don't cry, please please please don't cry. She says Len, if you just sat down quietly, this wouldn't have happened! And she reached out and showed me her hand and oh my gosh I couldn't look because it was all red and and and and

Len, Len, I don't know what's happening to you, you're even more different than the Doctor said you'd be, Len, I don't know what's wrong with you! And she gets up and runs inside and I just sit on the curb, I just stay there. Rin, Rin, I'm sorry, I wish you could know how sorry I am, I'm sorry I'm sorry.

I look and see a dandelion growing through the sidewalk. Rin, you are still a dandelion, even if you want to preserve me like canned fruit, I know it's because you're my friend, I know, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry.

~.~.~.~

Len? Oh, Doctor, is Len there? Yeah, he's over there, he hasn't been saying much lately. He won't let me run any tests on him, he may be deteriorating even faster, but I can't know for sure. Doctor, I can hear you, I'm just fine, Rin is that you? Yes Len it's me, is something wrong? No, not really, hi Rin, I'm sorry, I'm still so sorry, I'm sorry, I really will be good now. I'm so sorry for not listening, I'm sorry I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry Len, I'm the one that's sorry, come on, let's go sit in the tree okay? It's nice outside. The Doctor nods and I get up and Rin was going to help me get up in the tree but pulled back a little, Rin I'm not hot anymore, but I don't want her to try too much or hurt herself so I try and jump into the tree myself but well I'm not strong and I'm short and can't jump right. So Rin says I know, and when I'm trying to jump up she helps me up and I scramble onto the branch. Then she does her jumpy thing but when she goes to swing she gasps ow and she falls over, Rin Rin Rin are you okay are you okay Rin?

Ahh yeah I forgot about my h—ahh forget about it Len, here lemme come u- no wait Rin let me help. So I reach down my hand and she says I don't know, won't you fall? And I say no I'm steady up here! So she says are you sure? And I'm totally sure so I say yep yep! So she says well, okay, but as soon as she pulls on my hand I scream and fall off the tree and we go tumbling to the ground. Something hurts on my knee so as soon as we stop I sit on my bottom and look at my knee and oh oh oh my gosh what is this?

I told you Len, you—Len, you scraped your knee! But.. and I say, but Rin, it doesn't look right, it doesn't look… well, knees don't, I don't know! My knee was scraped but it looks strange, it's strange, it scares me, I don't want to see what I look like on the inside, I don't want to see!

What happened? The Doctor comes rushing out, Len, dammit Len what did you do now? Doctor, I scraped my knee, you're right, I am half person half robot, my knee is metal but I'm bleeding Doctor, it's scary, it's scary, I don't want to be half robot any more!

But Len, if you weren't, I don't think we'd be friends like we are now, don't you think? That's what Rin says, and I have to agree because then we would have known each other the entire time and we would have thought we really were twins when we're not we're computer programs.

Len, stop crying okay? It doesn't matter that you're half robot, because you're still Len and I love you no matter what, okay? And I say even if I am hot and burn you Rin? And she says even if you are hot and burn me. And then the Doctor says well sorry to break this up but c'mon Len, I'm gonna fix you up now, and he picks me up and puts me over his shoulder.

And Rin follows behind me and I say are you sure you still love me if I'm a robot? And she says uh huh, for sure. And I say well I know you're not half robot but if you were, Rin, I'd still love you too.

~.~.~.~

There you go Len, all fixed up, that was stupid, no more tree climbing. But Doctor, I like sitting in the tree with Rin. Well God dammit Len, just sit there and don't pull her up next time! Okay Doctor.

And Len, if you don't want to see what you look like inside, then don't go out and hurt yourself. I have an x ray machine you know, it would show both your biological and technological parts, I can show you what you look like inside.

Ahh umm no thanks Doctor, I'll pass.

~.~.~.~

Today Kaito and Rin came to my door, Kaito says wow Len, you live in a laboratory? I never knew you were that smart! And I say umm ah well I'm not smart, the D—Rin interrupts Len's dad is a scientist. And Kaito says ooh, cool, anyway Len, I had an idea, since summer is almost over, why don't we all go to the beach! It'd be really fun.

Rin nods and says yeah Len, ocean water is different from real water, it's _salty_ and feels nice!

And I say oh um well, do I need to bring anything? And Kaito says well you need a bathing suit to swim of course. And Rin adds and a towel to dry off with, and also it's nice to put your towel around your _neck_ so your neck doesn't burn, having a sunburnt neck sucks.

It finally dawns on me that Rin is dropping messages to me, umm umm the first one is um salt water? Ohhh okay so the beach is salt water, so I won't short circuit, ohh and a towel for my neck so my port doesn't get anything in it.

Um um okay, but I don't have a bathing suit. And Kaito says really? Oh well I know where to get them, c'mon Len, let's go get you one while Rin gets Meiko and everyone else.

I say um um okay and then Kaito pulls me out of the house and he says we'll get you the coolest bathing suit ever! And then we get to the store and he says okay hmmm Len put this one on. So I go inside the little room and Kaito says okay that one's it, now go put your normal shorts back on, we're going back to Meiko's house!

So Kaito drags me back to Meiko's house and Meiko says well I have a bus let's goooo! And then she says Kaito, you're brilliant, giving me a going away party like this! I love the beach!

Kaito says well um I wanted us all to do something fun together before you leave. And Meiko hugs him really tight and I feel sorry for Kaito. Len, did you bring a towel to keep the sand out of— I did I did shh! I don't want anyone to hear. But I'm scared to go swimming Rin, I don't think I'm going to swim, I don't even know how to swim because I'm a—

You said for me to shh Len, now you shh, let's just get on the bus okay? Okay. And then we get in the bus and I sit next to Rin and then I fall asleep because I think Kaito dragged me across the entire city fifty times.

Len Len wake up, we're here! Man, Len, you're a sleeper, no wonder you didn't wake up all those months ago. I open my eyes and see Ted. Hey Len, wake up! Seriously, how much sleep do you need? Well I don't know but are we there yet? Duh, Rin tried to wake you up but she felt bad waking you up so I said I'd do it. C'mon Len, up, man! And then I say whoaaaah because Ted picks me up and carries me off the bus.

Morning morning, sleepyhead! That's Miku. Gosh, I don't know how you managed to wake up for school every day, you sleep like a rock! Well sorry Miku I can't help it, hey, what's that sound?

Duh, Len, that is the majestic ocean! That's Gakupo. The second most dangerous, yet second most romantic spot in all the world! And I ask well then what's the first most dangerous first most romantic? And he says why, what is under my pants of course!

I really didn't want to know that.

Gakupo, you're disgusting. The only person who's ever getting in your pants is you. Then Luka says come on guys, let's just leave him here and go down ourselves. And Miku says good idea and she and Luka start walking towards the fwooshing tchsss! sound. And Gakupo says, wait for me! And then he follows, then Kaito follows Gakupo and then Meiko turns to me Rin and Ted and says c'mon, guys! Just over the ledge, yeah? And then she turns around and Ted says come on guys and follows her.

I look at Rin and say I didn't know the ocean sounds that scary. And she laughs and says it's not, come on, and she grabs my hand and pulls me forward, and there's this huge huge huge water as far as I can see! I've seen pictures but it moves and it's wavy and it's so big! And then Rin says it's beautiful, isn't it? That's why people love the ocean. I think I understand why, it's so big and awesome.

C'mon Len, let's go! You keep telling me you want to have fun, so let's go have fun. And I say okay, and Rin says race you down the slope! So we race but Rin wins because she's fast.

Rin, are you sure this water is safe? It makes my feet feel tingly and I think the water wants to suck me off the ground! And Rin laughs and says it's supposed to, here Len if you don't want to swim, just try sitting here where the sand is wet. I like how it feels. And she sits down and pats the sand and says come on! And then there's a handprint but the water whooshes over and washes it away. Rin are you sure it won't wash me away? If you don't go in for sure it won't, just sit down. So I sit and Rin puts her hand on mine and the water washes over us and brr it's cold!

Rin are you sure this feels nice? It feels cold! She laughs and says it's supposed to, then Kaito and Meiko are playing in the water and Meiko yells come on you two, get in! And I say well I don't really want to, I don't know how to swim, I don't want to learn either, I like being right here. And Meiko says wow you really are weird and then she splashes Kaito and I stop paying attention.

Len, you're not really going to die, are you? The Doctor's just lying about the whole thing, isn't he? Well I hope he was, that's what I tell Rin. But I really am losing track of days, Rin, what day is it today? It's Thursday, Len, do you know what month? Ummm it's summer. And she says oh, so it's true, isn't it? Your mind really is deteriorating?

Ahh well if it is, I'm still okay, I don't really know if it's deter.. deteriorating? I don't really know if it's deteriorating or not because well it's my mind and I only have one mind so I don't know what it's like to have another mind, I don't really know what my mind was like before because well I only have one mind and it's this mind now. Wait I'm confused.

And Rin laughs and says I didn't mean to make you confused! And I say it's okay I seem to always be confused about something. And then we go silent and just watch everyone playing in the water and feel the water on our feet and then sometimes it splashes big and gets our legs and our stomachs wet.

I'm glad I came, I like sitting here with you Rin. It's nice without the Doctor breathing down my neck. Rin laughs and says yeah. And then I say and I'm glad that I can get wet now, you know I always wanted to get wet before but was too scared. And Rin says well I'm glad, maybe you would have died a long time ago if you'd tried.

And I say well it's okay now, since I'm gonna die anyway. Rin, what are some other fun things people do? I want to have lots of fun before I die. And Rin says I don't know, what do you have in mind? And I say what do I have in my mind? Well I guess I have a brain. At least I hope I have a brain.

And Rin laughs and says, I think that we can have fun without doing anything too extreme. And I say okay, what should we do now? And Rin says I like just sitting here, what more do you want to do?

So I think for a minute and then I remember the stomach flippy feeling. I like that feeling, it's so uncomfy but nice. So I look at Rin and she says what? And then I kiss her.

~.~.~.~

Len, are you and Rin, well, you know you know? That's what Kaito says, he came to my house today. I say what do I know I know? And he says well well well I mean are you two going out? Well I hadn't thought about it, ummm no? And Kaito says oh, well I went out win Rin before, because well I like her but she said that it just wasn't working out and that's okay because I knew it wouldn't.

And I say ohhh. And Kaito says you know Len I think Rin really likes you, umm well this is a weird subject! And I say ummm um yeah it is. Ummm can I come in? I've never been in a lab before!

And I say umm well the Doctor's—umm dad's not here now, so I guess you can sure. So Kaito says ooh goody and then he says this looks like a normal house. And I say oh his lab's over here, okay Kaito behold! And I open the door to the Doctor's lab and Kaito's eyes get all sparkly and he says ooooooh how awesome! How cool!

I say just don't press anything or the Docto—my dad will be really mad at me! And then I hear Banana meow and I say oh Kaito I'll be right back, Banana can't come in here. So I say come on Banana and leave Kaito there just for a second but when I come back he was inside some weird tube! Umm um Kaito what are you doing? He says I pressed a button and this lit up! This light here looks like an ice cream bar!

Kaito Kaito stop! I run towards it but then before I can stop the button there's a flash and then I hear a big zzzzzt and then in the tube next to it there's a flash and it's all over and Kaito says whoa! Brain freeze? What was that? And I am just staring at the other tube because Kaito just did something weird.

Len? What're you looking at? The Kaito comes over and stares with me, oh my gosh, it's a red me! And then the red Kaito looks out of the tube and walks over and he says what are you staring at? And Kaito says hey hey you look just like me! And then the red Kaito says no, you look like me. And then Kaito says well don't forget that I'm the real Kaito, you know? I stepped in there and—that's okay, I think you're the only Kaito here, unless if you're named Kaito. I say no I'm Len, your name isn't Kaito? And then the red Kaito says no Akaito.

So I say ummm okay Kaito you just made a red clone of yourself what do we do now before the Doctor comes home! I'm really freaking out because that wasn't supposed to happen at all! Akaito says I'm not a clone, he's a clone. And then I go oh no what am I going to do! And then Akaito says hey just chill out, I'll just go home. And Kaito says home? B but you were just made a second ago! And Akaito says no, you were. And then they start bickering, no you, no you, no you, no you, ahhhhhh both of you be quiet I'm trying to think!

And then I hear Banana meowing from outside the door and I say what Banana and I go out and I hear the Doctor in the driveway. Oh my gosh guys the Doctor's home! And Kaito says Doctor? Is that your dad? And I say um um yeah it's my dad now hurry hurry go to my room now follow me! So we all run to my room and I close the door.

Climb out the window guys, and both of you just go back to Kaito's house! And Akaito says no let's go to mine, my parents wouldn't mind another me, and then Kaito says well mine wouldn't mind another me either, and then I say you guys argue outside because I'm going to get in trouble! And I say okay okay Kaito go out my window first and I push him out kind of because I'm sure the Doctor's already inside the house. And then Kaito says Len that was mean but I say go Akaito go go hurry and then Akaito says we'll get all this sorted out and squirms out the window, then I close the window and sit on my bed and the Doctor comes in and says Len I heard you shouting is something wrong?

And I say oh oh um no Banana was just trying to pee on my floor but I was telling him no no you'll get in trouble. And then Banana meows and licks his chest. Then the Doctor looks at me and says uh okay and leaves, and then I lay down on my bed and sigh. I hope the Doctor never, ever, ever finds out what just happened, ever.

~.~.~.~

Kaito? Len, Len, Akaito and I are the same, it's so creepy, can you ask your dad what that was? Well I can't because then he'll find out! But Lennn….

So I say okay Kaito, come in, we'll go ask the Do—my dad okay? So then Kaito comes in and we open the door to the Doctor's lab and he says not another one, Len stop bringing them back here! And I say umm we—and then Kaito interrupts and says umm umm sorry Mr. Dad sir but what is that machine over there do? And he points to the two tubes from the other day and the Doctor gets up and says oh it's a reverse cloner, you step in that one and it makes an altered double of you, it only works on certain individuals though. I think the Doctor meant Vocaloid, but Kaito doesn't know that he's a Vocaloid yet. And Kaito says ooooh so what's the clone like? And the Doctor says they remain very true to the original but sport a few physical changes as well as personality traits, for instance someone who is bubbly in nature, their clone would be more serious and down to earth. Me and Kaito looked at each other because that was exactly the problem well not problem but it was right.

Then Kaito asked ummm if they're a clone, w what about the memories? And that Doctor says oh! That's one I myself am proud of. I found a way to copy the memories over from one individual to the other one, it's really quite ingenious if I do say so myself. And Kaito says y yeah amazing well sorry Len but I better be going. And I say y yeah here Kaito let me show you out? And then at the door we whisper Len what do we do about Aka?

And I say Aka? Ohhh Akaito? You gave him a nickname? And Kaito says well Aka is too long, my parents say ohh how cute sure Kaito he'll be your brother! He looks just like you. And I say oh so now he's living with you? And Kaito nods and says but it's creepy because he has my memories but he's not me! And every time he sees me zoning or spacing out or daydreaming he is all on me and telling me to pay more attention to what I'm doing!

And I say well that's too bad Kaito, I wish I could help, but it was you who pressed the button after all. And Kaito sighs and says yeah you're right I guess, oh well, thanks Len. And then I watched him go down the sidewalk out of sight and then I closed the door. I'm glad the Doctor doesn't try to clone me, then I wouldn't be Len, I might be Ben or Ken and I don't think I would be happy any more.

~.~.~.~

Rin says hey Len, summer's almost over, do you want to do anything before we go back to school? And I say um I don't know, what else is there to do? We went bike riding and tree climbing and we went to the ocean what else is there to do? And Rin shrugs and then Banana comes and curls up in her lap. I don't know what we have left to do. Let's just wait for school to start. And so Rin says okay and we sit together patting Banana because we don't have anything else better to do.

~.~.~.~

How is your day going? Okay I guess. What about yours? Okay. I have a class with Luka. What about you? Oh I haven't had any with anyone yet. I hope I get one. Me too.

So far I don't have any classes with Rin or anyone else. It feels weird sitting at lunch with no Meiko though. I hope I get one with Rin, at least.

Lenlen! You're back, yay! Uh oh, Neru. Where's the brown haired one? Did she graduate? We all nod, we'll miss Meiko. Then Neru says ooh, well then there's a spot for me! And sits next in between Luka and Miku, right where Meiko used to sit. Why am I on the other side, Lenlen? Oh well, I can see your face now, instead of that ponytail. Why do you have a ponytail? You're a boy.

Well I don't know why I have a ponytail, but I do know I'm a boy and I definitely know Neru is annoying.

~.~.~.~

The last part of yesterday was so fun, I have two classes in a row with Rin, one right after the other, and the second class we have together is the last one so we can walk home together without having to meet up. And I had a class with Ted too, but sadly I found out I have one with Neru and I have one with Gakupo too.

Today at lunch no one is saying much. It's really quiet without Meiko. Even Gakupo is being quiet, which is unusual. It's just a strange day today.

~.~.~.~

Rin? Is my head fuzzy? That's what I asked Rin today. Umm no, why? And I say well it feels fuzzy, I feel so forgetful today. The Doctor asked me to do something after school and now I can't remember. He's gonna be mad if I don't remember…

Rin doesn't look too happy. She doesn't even try to help me remember. She just looks away and says oh and stops listening to everyone. I guess it's because my brain is supposed to fly to Mars when I'm dying.

~.~.~.~

Akaito came and sat at the table today. He says that he remembers sitting here too but I tell him shhhh you don't remember right, but welcome to the table right everyone? And they say sure Kaito's twin welcome! And then he says this makes absolutely no sense. And me and Kaito look at each other because we don't know if we should tell him that he's the clone!

~.~.~.~

Rin says to me today Len, Len can I talk to you alone for a sec? So we go behind the building and Rin says Len last night I realized why you're different now! And I say I'm different? I think the only difference I know is that well the stork doesn't find babies anywhere and well girls are different from boys and it's not that I don't exist it's just that I'm not human. Rin laughs and says no, Len, it's because you've been out in the world long enough now that you understand! It doesn't matter whether the Doctor says you have human understanding or not, Len, I'm almost positive that's why you changed. You understand, now, Len, you understand!

I do? But I don't feel smarter. I think you just made me more confused than before. Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says well I don't really know exactly what human understanding is, either. I think, Len, you're just as human as any of us. Maybe even more. You know what it's like to be alive, and you also know what it's like to be not alive, and you know what it's like to face death.

Well I don't think I can be more human as you or even as human as you because I'm still a robot boy with half a brain and half flesh and half machine. And Rin says maybe your body's not human, Len, but I think your mind is, whether you realize it or not. And then she hugs me and I hug her back, and she says you know Len, it's okay that you don't grow. I think I like being taller than you. Maybe one day I'll be so tall and you'll be so short, I can snuggle you like a stuffed animal.

Well I don't know if that makes me feel better or not, but umm thanks anyway, Rin.

~.~.~.~

Hey Lenlen, I heard this funky rumour, someone told me hey I noticed you sit with that Len kid, he's a real weirdo, you seen that computer port on his neck? They even said that someone told them you're a robot. That's ridiculous, robots are cold and made of metal. Besides, you're not a weirdo, you're just different, that's why I like you.

Me and Rin and Ted all exchanged really really really uneasy glances. That is a really really bad rumour because only because it's true. If someone finds out what I am that's really really bad, really really really bad.

New plan of action, make sure Neru or anyone else doesn't touch my skin and find out that I'm cold.

~.~.~.~

Miku told us a story today that had me squirming in my seat because I'm the only one that knows. She said gee something weird happened on my way to school today. I was just walking and out of no where this girl runs up and hugs me and says oh my gosh you're Miku Hatsune! And I say um yes? And she says I never thought you were real! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! And Miku is imitating this really high pitch voice every time she says oh my gosh. It was the weirdest, creepiest thing that's ever happened to me.

And Gakupo says why, that should have happened to me, for I am obviously the more better looking of us two! And since Miku sits next to Gakupo she grumbled and shoved him off the bench.

Akaito says maybe you're famous for something you don't know about. I start mashing my hands together in my lap because that's exactly exactly it, not even Ted or Rin know they're Vocaloids, I think it would be really bad if everyone here found out they're computer programs!

~.~.~.~

The Doctor says Vocaloids are singers, yes, all of you are destined to be famous singers. Those in the world that know of Vocaloid will be in for a surprise, surely. And I say well well Doctor what if the world finds out about them like right now? And the Doctor says hmm, well then they would certainly find out they are computer programs, that – that's not good. I hadn't thought of that! And the Doctor runs to his People Creator computer and I follow him. He goes on the internet and looked at some graph and says oh god, oh god, this is bad. The Vocaloid fanbase is increasing rapidly, I fear that within this next year many people will know about it, and surely all the completed projects will find out what they are.

And I say but Doctor, what happens if they find out that they were made from a computer program? And he says it must depend on the person. I'm sure, though, they won't sing, they may even go into hiding to escape the fans. Oh dear God, this entire project is in danger, I hadn't thought of that, hadn't thought…

And then I leave because the Doctor looks awfully scary.

~.~.~.~

Len, you've been acting strange lately, is something wrong? Um um um um no R Rin nothing's wrong! Nothing's wrong! Len, just stop lying, you are seriously the worst liar I have ever met. I I I'm sorry Rin sorry sorry but I can't tell you because the Doctor said I can't, said I can't! But I'm really scared right now. The Doctor said to me gah, Len, did you say something about Vocaloid? Dammit! If you say one peep, Len, you are never seeing the light of day ever again, do you hear me? I heard him, I heard him, I promised I wouldn't say anything, I didn't in the first place but I didn't I didn't I didn't I swear!

Len? Are you sure you're not— no no no I actually am okay well well the Doctor's just being um um grumpy, yeah yeah.

Then Luka says well you're awfully jittery, Len, do you need to go to the nurse? Ah ah no no I'm okay thanks. Why, Len, one who lies and says they're fine is one to be proud of, and yet ashamed, for one should just say what is the matter! Luka says wow, Gakupo, I agree with you for once. Are you sure you're okay Len? Are you cold? I have a jacket in my backpack, if you want.

No no no I'm really okay guys thanks though um um I'm going to go take a walk okay? And then I get up from the table and run. I want to be away from my friends right now. They're all Vocaloids, and if even one of them finds out, I am toast. Burnt, crispy robot toast.

~.~.~.~

Len, you haven't said anything, have you? I shake my head no no no I promise. And he says good, now listen here. Our fame and fortune now lies behind a roadblock. We must not let the completed models find out about Vocaloid. You are my connection to them. I need you to deny everything about Vocaloids when you hear it. If you say one word, I will know. They will know. And you will know nothing, because that will be the final straw and I will be done with you. Hear me?

I hear you I hear you please don't kill me yet Doctor I haven't done anything! And he says well hopefully I won't have to kill you, I mean you're already killing yourself every second of every day and he grumbles and goes back into his lab. I'm scared, I'm really scared. The Doctor is being so, so, so scary. Scarier than ever.

~.~.~.~

I hate keeping secrets, I hate secrets, I hate telling Kaito that the Doctor is my dad and telling everyone but Rin and Ted I'm a real person and most of all I hate lying to everyone and saying I'm just fine because besides me dying the Doctor is going to kill me if they do something on their own and find out about Vocaloid.

Len seriously, tell me what's the matter, Len. S s s s sorry Rin I can't I can't I can't! You keep saying you can't, you can, you can tell me Len, I didn't drag you behind this building for nothing, you can tell me anything, remember our promise?

I I I remember the promise Rin but Rin I didn't know this would happen, Rin Rin I'm scared, I'm so scared, I want to tell you but I can't because then the Doctor will, will, will! Will what Len, come on, spit it out!

But Rin Rin he said I can't say he said I can't say. But Rin says Len if he said you can't say, can you write it? Here I have a pencil and paper in my backpack, write what's bothering you so much! Well Rin Rin I don't know what if he finds out you know because I—He won't I'll burn the paper and tell him I found out whatever it is by accident okay Len? Write.

So I write well the Doctor keeps telling me he's going to kill me if anyone finds out that all of us are Vocaloid computer programs because he says his fame and fortune are down the drain and he says if they find out he's going to kill me!

And Rin picks up the paper and says that's ridiculous Len, not even the Doctor would do that, that's completely uncalled for. But I say he said it he said it Rin he keeps telling me and it's so scary, I don't want to die sooner than I have to please Rin don't tell anyone don't tell a soul please please please!

I won't Len, calm down, we'll get this worked out.

~.~.~.~

Len seriously, are you sick? What is wrong with you! That's Miku. You've been shaky for like a freaking week, jeez wear a jacket at the least. You make me feel horrible looking at you, don't you want to go to the nurse or something?

Well I'm not shaking because I'm cold I'm actually scared of the Doctor killing me because you're all Vocaloids! That's what I want to say but of course if I say it the Doctor will kill me. For real, he's going to kill me, I'm scared I'm scared.

~.~.~.~

Umm Doctor, what really really happens if they find out that they're Vocaloids? D Doctor a aren't you over reacting? If all they're gonna do is stop singing… no, Len, dammit, you don't understand. Crypton funds all my research here. We made a deal, that I would make their Vocaloids into real living music stars. But they're not stars yet, the People Creator only seems to make one age, fourteen, the new creations ready to start high school. That makes it easy for me, though, because I only have to program fourteen years of memory instead of, say, twenty.

So Doctor, it's just bad if they stop singing because Vocaloid won't give you any more money? Of course, Len, it's terribly ridiculous but I'll be out of the job and out of money, but worse yet I'll never gain the fame and fortune that those Vocaloids will – or at this point, would – bring. I'm worried for the success of this project.

Doctor, what happens if they stop giving you money? Don't you just get another job? Sure, sure, just not one as well paying as this one. No more laboratory here, no more testing and experimenting and researching. Well I think that sounds good to me. And the Doctor says well it won't in a minute, if there's no money, there's no fixing you, either. Oh well, I take that back, you're not really fixable, anyway. Sorry Len, things just keep going wrong with you and they will just keep going wrong.

But listen, if they find out they're Vocaloids, I'm over and you're especially over, you're the most high maintenance thing I've ever seen. That's why you're going to be dying sooner than you think if they find out they're Vocaloids, hear me?

I I I hear you, Doctor, I hear you maybe maybe more loud and clear than I'd have liked to.

~.~.~.~

I have to stop being so high maintenance so the Doctor won't kill me. But I don't know what's wrong with me besides being a dying robot and well I have Banana and I eat food from the fridge. But I don't really know how to stop being me. And I don't know how to stop everyone from finding out they're Vocaloids either.

I think I thought of something now. I get answers to questions, and I get answers and answers but then when my other questions get answered I just get new questions. I guess the world is so full of knowledge that you always have more questions no matter what. I wonder if anyone in the world can hold so much knowledge? I don't think I'll ever figure out everything in the whole world. I couldn't even figure out where storks found their babies.

~.~.~.~

Thank goodness, Len, you finally stopped shaking. Long case of shivers? Um um well no not really, I was just ummm… I was shaking 'cuz I felt like it. Right, Len, right. But I'm still scared. The Doctor won't keep me around any more if everyone finds out they're Vocaloids. Maybe, maybe if he's going to kill me, I'll run away and live in Rin's backyard as a fugitive.

Except I don't think Rin's parents would want a little robot boy living in their backyard.

~.~.~.~

Today, my lovely, non loved friends, I, the great Gakupo, was swamped by adoring fangirls. I think you're the most unloved of any of us, Gakupo. Oh, don't be so sour, my dear Luka, for I am the one who will bring fame and fortune to all of us! Gakupo, how many girls _swamped_ you? Two, but their love and adoration for Mr. Gakupo Kamui was more than a whole group of the more fair sex. Then Luka got up from her seat and went around the table and kicked Gakupo.

I guess more and more people are finding about Vocaloid, now, and well I can't really stop it so I have to look for somewhere to hide so the Doctor won't kill me.

~.~.~.~

Neru says that she's going to stop telling rumours because she says she hates the rumours about me. I guess that's good, because at least that's one less thing I have to worry about. I'm scared to know what would happen if anyone found out that I'm a robot. Well really I don't know if anything would happen, maybe they would try to tickle me until they found an off switch but I don't think I have an off switch, I don't know how the Doctor turns me on and off. But I'm positive I don't have on off switch. That makes me feel better, at least, because when the Doctor's gone and stops making people then no one will ever be able to turn me off again.

~.~.~.~

I'm almost done with my newest project, Megumi Nakajima, more commonly known as Gumi. I feel she's a bit rushed, though, but I just have to do what I can in this time period right now. All I have to do is program her subconscious need to sing, like all the other Vocaloids.

I don't like how the Doctor makes people. I know I always think that but I really really don't. I don't want him to make any more people and program their memories and personalities and give them subconscious messages. I want people to be people and just be normal old people, like the kind of person I can never be.

~.~.~.~

Rin says Len you look like you're thinking about a lot, how goes the whole… thing? Rin he's really crazy, I don't want him to be making people any more, I don't want any more failed robots like me. And Rin says yeah, but what can we do?

And I say well we can go blow up the People Creator. Rin says huh, that's a start, but won't he build another one? I hadn't thought of that.

So I ask Rin Rin, do you have any free space in your back yard?

~.~.~.~

The Doctor's not home today, it's the perfect chance. So I sneak into the People Creator room and turn on the Doctor's computer. File, Projects. Delete, delete, delete, Doctor, you are never ever going to make another person ever again. Well, maybe. But not for a while.

~.~.~.~

I hear the Doctor yelling from the other room. I say come on Banana, let's go, he found it, we have to run now, and Banana jumps on my head and we run out the front door. But then the Doctor is running behind me, ahh ahh he has the electric charge gun! So I run faster but I think I'm the slowest runner on the planet and hey hey I feel funny?

~.~.~.~

Oww ow I think I hit my head, Rin, Rin? Where am I? Ohh, the Doctor's lab, I'm I'm over here, on this, where's Banana? I shake my head and sit up. I see the Doctor working at the People Creator computer. I smile to myself. I at least deleted his files, I deleted his files and there's nothing he can do because I emptied his Recycle Bin, too.

~.~.~.~

Len, you despicable little… little… you, that was years of research and programming you deleted! I know, Doctor. You just set yourself up to die sooner that you normally would, you know that? If anything goes wrong with the People Creator, I am done for, and so are you. I know, Doctor. But making people is bad.

You're bad too. That was years of research you deleted Len, five years. Well Doctor, five years is more than I'll even live. You'll have plenty of time to make it up.

~.~.~.~

Hey, Gakupo, guess who's so popular now? I was in my choir class, three girls came up to me and asked me you're Luka Megurine, aren't you? They said they didn't know Vocaloids were real, and they were poking me. It was the strangest thing, I wonder what Vocaloids are?

I bet it's nothing, that's what I bet. That's what I said. Akaito says maybe the internet will have something? I say probably probably probably not because if we don't know about it probably not too many other people?

Gakupo says yes, surely there is some ulterior motive, but it doesn't seem harmful, perhaps we should wait and watch the drama unfold!

Thank you Gakupo, you just saved my life. Well, kind of. You saved it for now. That's better than nothing.

~.~.~.~

What can I do? What is there to do? Can I just go in there and destroy the People Creator? I'm scared, I'm scared of everything that might happen because of me. I've already caused so much trouble, the Doctor is ready to kick me out or kill me already just for deleting his files.

I want to just tell Rin everything I'm feeling, but I think I need to be more more more I need to keep more to myself. I should stop dumping all my troubles on other people, it just makes them feel bad too. I don't want to make other people feel worse just to make me feel better.

But then I think, isn't that what I'm doing to the Doctor?

~.~.~.~


	12. Chapter 12

**Ch12**

Someone strange came to the house today. I was peeking through the crack of the door to my room, the guy said I've been sent from Crypton to check your lab. The Doctor mutters oh god and then says come in, come in.

And then the man says who is that? And I hide in my room and shut the door. Banana meows and I say shh! Then I hear the guy say who is that? This is secret work to the public, they absolutely cannot know, please ask them to leave. And the Doctor says no it's okay, Len, come out, we know you're there. So I poke my head out the door.

The guys says wow, is this your work? It's amazing, it looks just like Len Kagamine, they were right. Is it repaired? The Doctor says oh, well unfortunately I've been unable to fix it, it's absolutely hopeless. And the man says that's too bad, does Rin Kagamine work? And the Doctor says oh yes, she and the other models besides this one have all been successful. They're all human through and through.

I walk over to them and look up at the strange guy and say, I'm not an it, mister, I'm a person, too. And the guy laughs and pats my head and says, of course you are. And then he and the Doctor go to walk in the lab, and I hear the guy saying wow, his voice is a perfect replica, this is incredible, how do you do it? And I listen until their voices fade.

I'm not an it, right? I'm a person, too..

~.~.~.~

Len, Len, I've gotten a second chance from Crypton. That's what the Doctor says and he's smiling at me instead of avoiding me or glaring at me or making me feel like he's going to kill me right now. No no he's smiling, it's almost scary the way he is though. He says Crypton said just let the current completed projects find out what they are, it doesn't matter, they don't matter anyway. I agree with what they said. They told me use your People Creator to recreate the Vocaloids, but this time give them no memory, they will be made pure Vocaloids, made only to sing. And Doctor smiles and says, we have another chance, this is our new chance to be rich and famous.

Correction, Doctor, you, I'm going to be dead. But Doctor, if you make new Vocaloids, what happens to Rin and Kaito and Luka and everyone? I don't know, we might just dispose of them if they still decide to become singers after they find out they're Vocaloids. This new generation will be twice as—

Doctor, you're going to kill them? You can't! They're people, they're people too, they've only been alive for a little while but they're human Doctor you can't kill them! The Doctor says sure I can, they're not actually really people. They are, but I believe even you have pointed out that their memory is simply fabricated, fake.

I did? Did I say that out loud? Ooh… I hope I'm not saying all my thoughts out loud all this time. The Doctor says only recently. I don't like that thought at all.

I don't like the Doctor like this. I liked him better when he was angry at me and ready to kill me. I ask Doctor, what about me? I'm not a normal Vocaloids like the others but I still am. What are you going to do with me? He says I don't know, just let you continue on your current path. You won't last another year, any way.

~.~.~.~

Rin and I are whispering at the lunch table. She says that Christmas Break is already coming up fast. And Len, you know our birthday is coming up too, right? And I remember oh yeah, I almost forgot, Rin, what do we do? And she says I don't know, we should do something special. We'll be four – or I guess, well, how old would we be? Umm, we were made four years ago, I don't know if I went to middle school or that was fake. And I say Rin I'm so confused. And she says me too, I can't even figure out how old I am! And I say well most everyone in this grade is fifteen, but our birthday is in December, so—and Rin says oh, so I guess I'm sixteen?

I shrug. It's so confusing. And then I say, only you Rin, because I'm still fourteen and always will be. And then we stop talking and I put my head on her shoulder and she puts her head on mine and we just sit and listen to everyone else talk.

~.~.~.~

Len, meet Meiko two. Meiko two, this is Len one. Len one? I'm Len one? Oh oh she's still there oh um hi, I'm Len. Hi! I'm Meiko, but of course you know that right? Can I call you Lenny? Ah ah ah please don't, umm s see… And the Doctor says it's okay, she knows what she is and that there was another Meiko before her. And I say ohh um um well the the um other Meiko called me that…

And she laughs and says oh okay, I'll think of some better name then. Hey Len, can you sing? And I say umm no not really, I don't sound too pretty. And she says aww, come on try please? Umm no thanks, and I leave.

I want the real Meiko back. This isn't Meiko.

~.~.~.~

The Doctor says these Vocaloid twos will be so much easier to make, I don't have to program memories at all, just some common knowledge and they're good to go. The world can find out about my Vocaloids any day, any day now, I'll become rich for sure. Meiko two says that sounds fun, can I live with you?

And the Doctor says if you want, I have a feeling you'll be busy travelling the world, singing. Meiko two's face lights up and she says, that's even better!

I think I need to tell Rin before the Doctor makes more people.

~.~.~.~

See you guys next year! Haha, bye! That's Rin, today's the last day of school until after Christmas Break. I say um Rin, can you come back to my house with me? I have a little problem. And she says uh oh, that's not good, sure I'll come. So I open the front door and Kaito is standing in my house. Oh, hi there! Who're you?

Rin says Kaito? What are you doing? Of course you— and I say Kaito, Kaito two already? But but the Doctor had Meiko two only a little while ago, and and and! Kaito two says whoa, are you okay? You – actually both look sick, here sit down? Did you eat too much ice cream?

Rin whispers in my ear, oh my god Len, what is going on? And I say, Rin Rin this is my problem! And she says my God Len, this isn't a little problem! This is a big problem! And then I say come on I'll tell you and we walk past the kitchen and Meiko two is vaccuming. Hi Len! She says and then keeps humming to herself.

Rin stares wide eyed and I grab her hand and pull her to my room and Banana follows us and I close the door. And we sit on the bed and she says Len what on earth is going on? I say Rin, Rin, the Doctor is making more Vocaloids, Rin, and he's going to kill the old ones, like you and Kaito and Meiko and Luka and everyone, because there can't be two of the same person, and I and I ahhh I don't know what to do! My brain hurts, my brain hurts, my brain hurts! I feel like I'm going to explode!

And Rin says gosh Len, calm down, we can figure this out calmly! But it really, really, really hurts! I feel like my head is going zshwa zshwa boom! I try to smush my head with my hands but it doesn't feel any better.

Rin leans forward and puts her hands on my shoulders and says Len? But I'm like ow ow it's exploding in there! And she tries to lean over more but we fall off the bed and Rin is all on top of me but my head stopped hurting. And Rin says ahh ah Len are you okay? My face feels really hot, Rin is sitting on me like like like that thing I saw on the internet.

Um um um um um umum um I'm fine! And she says, haha Len you're blushing, wh—and then she realizes that she's sitting me and says ahh sorry Len! And sits on the floor next to me. And then we're quiet for a while and I'm still laying down on the floor, and then Banana walks on me and curls up on my stomach and goes to sleep.

Umm Rin? Y yes? I still need to tell you about the problem. And she says, o oh yeah. Okay, start from the beginning?

~.~.~.~

So, Len, what do you think? All they do is hum, there's more on the way, they're born Vocaloids. I wish I had thought if this, instead of making them human with memories… this is so much more efficient, isn't it?

Not really Doctor, it's even grosser, now they're people without anything but a personality! That's what I want to tell him. But I say ummmm I don't know. And then I go back to my room. I don't feel safe walking around my own house any more.

~.~.~.~

Hey Len, do you want to come over to my house for Christmas? That's what Rin came to ask me today. Oh oh sure! Is what I say. Last Christmas the Doctor gave me Banana in a box, but I'm scared this year he's going to give me a clone of Banana in a box! So I tell Rin okay I'll definitely come. And she smiles and says yay! And then runs off from my front doorstep.

Since I learned that people give each other presents for Christmas, I'm trying to think of something for Rin. But I can't think of anything.

~.~.~.~

Oh oh good morning Len, hey hey hey wanna hear a song I made up? It's about Christmas ice cream! No thanks Kaito two um I'm busy I'm going out for today, okay? Banana! C'mon, I'm leaving without you. And then Banana runs over and I pick him up and put him on my head and we go to Rin's house.

Ohh Len, come in! Rin's upstairs, you know where her room is. Oh? Cute cat you have there, what's it's name? Banana. Banana? Rin's dad laughs and says that's a cute name. And then he lets me in with Banana on my head and I go up to Rin's room.

I was going to yell hi Rin! But she was asleep on her bed. I didn't want to wake her up, so I sat on the floor next to her bed and leaned against the bed and was going to wait for her to wake up. Banana decided not to wait on my head though and curled up against Rin, but I was waiting and accidentally fell asleep.

Len, Rin, wake up, you two! I opened my eyes and Rin was sleeping off the bed now and her head was on my lap. I blinked because I thought oh my gosh this is dream is so so so so and then Rin says oh what huh? And then she rolls over and we're looking at each other in the eyes and Rin is so sleepy she just kind of looks dazed and I say um um hi Rin?

And then she blinks and says ahh ahh oh Len ah! And she sits and wipes her mouth and said ahh I'm sorry I drooled all over your lap! And I look down and there's Rin drool on my pants and I say oh um it's okay. And then Rin's mom laughs and she says well good morning, dinner's ready, after that we're doing presents, come on you two.

And Rin says after her mom leaves, Len does the Doctor celebrate Christmas? Umm no I don't think so but he gave me Banana last year. And then we both look at the bed and Banana is still sleeping on the bed. Rin stands up and says c'mon Len, and then she reaches her hand and I grab it and stand up and then we go out into the hallway and it smells so good!

Rin says just eat what you can, it's okay, I told my mom you're a really picky eater. Any I say ahh umm okay. So we go down and Rin's table is just covered with food! It was so exciting. So there was lots of food and I was so full!

And then Rin says come on Len, come in here, and she pulls me off the chair and I feel like I'm a big ball that's going to roll over and smush her. But then there's this big tree inside the house and I don't feel like a fat ball anymore and I say Rin how did you grow this on the carpet? And she laughs her tinkly laugh and says we didn't grow it off the carpet, Len, it grows outside in places all over the world and we bring it in, see under it?

And I say what, there's lots of presents and boxes. I don't see—and then I see a little green thing underneath that the tree is stuck to. See, Len? They attach the base of the tree to that so it stands up. And I say ooooh. And then she says come on Len, sit down, I got a present for you.

Oh no, oh no, I still didn't think of something for Rin, oh no and now she has something for me and I don't have anything for her! And then I see Rin's parents standing in the door smiling, and oh no oh no I don't have anything! Then Banana runs down the stairs and he comes and sits next to Rin like come on Len give her something but aaahhh I don't have anything!

Here, Len, and Rin gets up and goes away for a minute and comes back with a big big present and says here. And I take it and then I can't see over it because it's big. And I say umm umm Rin I d—and then she says stop talking and open it! So I say okay okay I'm opening and then I try to look for a place where it opens and I can't find one, where does this open?

And Rin laughs her tinkly laugh and says Len, you rip it, you really don't know anything about Chirstmas do you? And I say ummm no, I guess not. So I don't really want to rip it because the paper is pretty but since I have to rip it I poke my finger and Rin laughs and says you always have to do things the hard way and she says Len, just rip it, you're supposed to! And I say ahhh okay and then this time I rip it and then there's a banana inside! A big big big big banana, and then I squish it and oh it's a pillow!

And Rin says I was in the store and I saw it and I had to get it for you. And then she looks at Banana and says and I have something for you too, and she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a yellow collar with a little bell. And Banana meows like he's saying what's that? And Rin says if Banana ever gets lost, someone'll know that he already belongs to someone. And then she puts the collar on Banana's neck and he shakes his head and it dings.

And then I hug my banana pillow and scoot over to Rin and I whisper in her ear um um Rin I c couldn't th think of anything t to give you s so is it okay if my present is a b birthday present too? And then Rin looks at me and I wish I knew what she was thinking because I feel hot like I'm radiating heat like the sun.

And then she laughs and says Len, you don't have to give me anything! And I feel so embarrassed because her parents are right there! And I say shh shh don't say it so loud Rin I promise I'll give you something.

And she says if you can't figure out what to give me, I'll tell you on our birthday, okay? And I say but Rin how do I give you your present on our birthday if you don't tell me what you want until our birthday? And she says you'll know, trust me. And then I say ummm okay. And then she says guess what we do now?

Umm I don't know. And she says now it's time to just do weird stuff! And I want to ask her about the other presents under the tree but I think they'll do them when I leave. Then Rin says c'mon Len, let's build a fire! Have you ever felt a fire? And I say umm I don't think so? And so she says oh oh Dad can you help us build a fire?

So Rin's dad comes over and he has a box thingy with sticks in it and he says I need you two to go get firewood, it's stacked out in the backyard, Rin you know where it is. So me and Rin go outside and get firewood and come back in and he puts it in the fireplace and says okay, now let's stuff some newspaper in. So we crumple up newspapers and put them in, and then Rin's dad sets it all on fire and in a second it's blazing like fwooosh. But it's hot and kind of scary. But it's all orangey and it crackles and it's kind of nice, too. It makes me hot but a nice hot.

And then me and Rin lay down in front of it on our backs and watch it burn, and we just sat there silently for a really really long time until we fell asleep.

~.~.~.~

Len, wake up! Seriously, what are you, a log? I open my eyes and say wow my back feels stiff, Rin did we fall asleep? And she says yeah, it's tomorrow already, do you want to go back to your house? And I sit up and I say okay, Rin do you want to come? And she says I want to but I should probably stay here. And I say okay Rin, thank you so much, it was so fun. And I grab my pillow and put Banana on my head and his bell jingles. And I say see you tomorrow Rin, and then I start on my way home.

And when I get home Meiko opens the door, oh hi Len one, where were you all night? And I say umm at Rin's house, I fell asleep. And she says oh and then walks off humming. And then I go to my room to put my pillow away.

I hope I can get what Rin asks me for fast tomorrow. Or else I won't be able to keep my promise.

~.~.~.~

Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us! Right Len? Well I don't know if it can be all that happy because there's so much happening and my brain hurts a lot! And Rin says come on Len, just say happy birthday, it's not a happy birthday if you don't say happy birthday. But I say Rin can't it be a happy birthday if you know it's a happy birthday without saying happy birthday?

And then she says, no wonder your brain hurts.

Hey Rin, are you going to tell me what you wanted now? And she says in a while, but I say Rin I really want to know now. And she laughs and says you're being so impatient. Let's go sit in the tree. So I say fine okay and we go outside and I'm trying to climb into the tree and she says here let me help but I tell her wait wait I want to try and do it myself this time! So I'm trying get myself onto that first branch of the tree and I'm trying and trying and I keep jumping up and Rin says please just let me help you? But I say no I wanna do it myself! And then finally I hold myself up with my foot on the stump and then I'm on the branch on my stomach.

And Rin claps and says good job! Now sit up so I can get up there. So after some difficulty I get sit up and then she swings herself into the tree and I say I'm going to do that someday.

And she says just practice and you will. And then we sit there quietly for a while until I ask Rin what do you want? You still haven't said. And she says, don't rush me! And I wonder what on earth is so hard to ask me for.

Then after a long time she says Len, well, I don't really know how to ask this, since you know, well… No I don't know, please tell me what I'm supposed to know? Rin says Len, will you stay with me, forever? Please? That's what I want. Promise me you'll stay with me forever.

Well I can't stay forever. I wish I could have told her that. But I just couldn't because her face was just so pleading and so so so I don't know, it made my stomach flip. I couldn't think of anything else to say besides I can't even though I want to, so I just nodded yes because I want to and I figure that's okay, I say I promise. I promised her because I want to promise that, maybe if I believe that I'll live forever I will. Even if it's not too likey.

Then she says don't leave, ever, okay? And then she kisses me again but this time it's so different what's Rin doing?

~.~.~.~

Well today I went to go try and get in the tree myself because I just felt like sitting there. But I couldn't get in this time so I gave up and when I opened the front door I was standing right there! And I say ummm a mirror? And I close the door in my face and open it again and I'm still staring at myself with such a confused face! But then I look at my eyes and they're not light glacier ice blue like mine but they're darker and more oceany. And I say why are my eyes different? And then the me says I could ask the same thing?

And then I say wait wait Len two? And he says ohhh you're Len one, man I thought I was going crazy. Geez. And then he walks around me and walks down the sidewalk and I wonder where he's going.

But the Doctor never said anything about making another me. He acted so different from me. I don't like him, I wish the Doctor would stop making more people!

~.~.~.~

Rin Rin Rin it's bad it's bad! Len? What's wrong? Rin Rin the Doctor made me! And Rin says what? The Doctor made me, he made me! And Rin says, uhh… he made me too? And I say no no Rin come on! And I grab her hand and pull her all the way back to my house and then Len two is sitting on the couch eating chips and I point to him and say there there that's him!

And then I, no me me but the other me looks up and says oh hey Rin. And then he looks back at the TV. And Rin says oh my. And then Len two says what? You want some? And the throws the bag of chips at Rin and she catches it and says eww no I don't want any! What is wrong with you? And she throws them back at him.

And he says what? Ohh, you're Rin one. Figures. And then me and Rin look at each other. I don't like that other me. He's not me. He just looks like me. I'm the only real me.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, but you know I'm you now. Soooo….. and the other Len is looking at me and I cover my mouth because I'm just so embarrassed. It's my brain's fault for making me say my thoughts out loud!

~.~.~.~

_Next chapter is the last one, guys. I am so sorry, I promise I will not procrastinate putting it up…!_


	13. Chapter 13

HOLY CRAPPERS FROM TEN PLANETS FLYING INTO THE SUN I am so sorry guys. I honestly forget about silly ol' ttlen. I am so very sorry ;w; You all must thank miss xxKerii-tan! She messaged me and I was checking my email for homework and BAM. I was like OHSHIT. So thank you very much!

All right you guys. I've had this for like ever. And you've been waiting for like ever. Thanks for reading this whole crappy story, and if you're still interested in it after a whole year, I applaud you.

* * *

**Ch13**

Hey, are you me? Ahh.. I'm what you would call Rin one? Oh, nice to meet you, I'm Rin two. And this is my brother and mirror image Len two. And Len says I already know her and I say I know he knows me.

I don't know what it's like talking to me and Rin but I'm still Len and Rin is still Rin but there's two of us. I want to complain to the Doctor because he should at least keep these weird copies of me and Rin away from us while me and Rin are still here. I'm confusing myself, ahhh my brain hurts.

Oh, I'm sorry, we'll just stay over there okay? I didn't mean to bother you, I'm sorry. And then Rin two and Len two walk away. And I see Rin two's arm and it has a zero and a two on it, at least she's labeled!

But I can tell which Rin is my Rin. My Rin is nice and doesn't have weird numbers on her arm. And I can definitely tell which Len is me because well I'm me and he's not me! Len, let's go to your room. And so we go in and sit down and Rin says this is so confusing, Len, I think my brain hurts just as much as yours right now!

And I say yeah, you're probably right. Okay, I really really reallyreally think this has to stop now. Do you know what happens to all the old ones of us when the Doctor releases all these new Vocaloids? And before she has a chance to reply I say Rin Rin they're going to get rid of everyone, the Doctor is getting rid of everyone! And I start to cry be accident because it's so scary. It's okay that I'm going to die, but it's not okay for the real Kaito or the real Luka or the real Ted or the real anyone to die, and it's especially especially not okay for the real Rin, my Rin, the Rin that helped me not die and gave me weird stomach flippies and taught me about fires and kisses and everything, it's not okay for anyone to die!

~.~.~.~

Doctor, can't you stop making people? Can't we find some other way to get money? Len, what are you saying, this way we'll be rich and famous and so many people in the world will be happy! And I say but Doctor is it really okay to kill people to make other people happy? Can't all of us ones just live without being killed?

And the Doctor says they can, surely, but they'll be like failed shadows of a great being. They'll be mobbed by fans and no one will know that they have the wrong one. And I say well isn't it just like having an identical twin?

And the Doctor says since I made them, it's not the same. They're born to sing, and I know that these Vocaloids aren't going to want to work together.

~.~.~.~

Doctor, how does the People Creator work? I have no idea, truth be told I made it by accident. I only know half of how it works. Really Doctor? Yes, really. I can't seem to figure it out.

That means the Doctor can't make another one! Len, don't even try to get ideas, I've covered it with a special coating, you can't break it by dropping it on the floor or even smashing it with an ax.

I have no idea how that is possible.

~.~.~.~

School started again. Neru says that all she did was sleep all break. But besides her everyone's talking about Vocaloid at the table today. Akaito's quiet though, I bet he looked it up. But I'm so scared for everyone. The Doctor doesn't want us any more. He's going to kill everyone, even if they didn't do anything wrong and were just existing.

~.~.~.~

I can't believe he just shoved us aside like that. The Doctor is so, so… Len, is this how you always feel when you're told you're… you're… then I finish Rin's sentence and tell her a failed robot? Maybe. I feel sad, I feel so unwanted. More unwanteder than I did before.

And me and Rin just sit together in my room. And Rin says, well it doesn't matter. I still want you around, Len. And I smile, it makes me feel nice. I know Rin still likes me. But I think everyone will like dark eyes Len better, he's not confused and dumb and he's not a dying half person half robot. He has the same color eyes as Rin and his weird number labeled Rin. But Rin's eyes are more pretty than Rin two's. Rin two isn't a dandelion like the real Rin is.

I try to grab Rin's hand and walk away but my legs are stuck. Ahh ahh ahh Rin! Rin my legs are stuck! Rin says what? And I say Rin help my legs are stuck!

I hear Len two from the couch say man, why does that failed one have to be me? Why couldn't it have been someone else? He makes me feel so… so… And Rin two says Len, that's just mean. He's still you, you know. Be nice to him.

And then Rin says ignore them Len, come on, relax, just walk one step at a time. Well I would walk one step at a time if I could walk at all!

~.~.~.~

Rin, when I die, can you keep on living for me? Promise me Rin, let's make another promise please please? And Rin looks ready to cry but she says okay. And I say pinky promise, forever, okay? And she says okay Len, okay, okay…

Keep living for me and be happy and eat bananas and climb trees and walk in the rain and play in the snow and do everything I could never do too. Live for both of us, okay? Pinky promise?

And she wraps her pinky around mine and I feel bad making her cry but I want… I want, I want to stay with Rin forever, I promised her I'd be with her forever, and I'm scared, I'm scared because this is the only way, now.

~.~.~.~

Doctor, I'm not going to let you kill all my friends. Because, because Doctor, they're alive now. They're more alive than I ever was, and I'm going to make sure they keep living. Doctor, just because I can't keep living, doesn't mean they can't. What nice sentiment you have, Len, but what can you do about it? I'm not stopping. And your deterioration isn't stopping either.

I know, Doctor. I want to be real, I wish I was real like them. But I'm not. So, so I have to make sure that they be real for me. I look at Rin who's standing behind me. She steps forward and says Doctor, you have to stop this madness. Stop making people, please! It's not fair to any of us.

And I say Doctor people can't be replaced, that Len you made isn't me, and that Rin you made isn't Rin, and that Kaito you made isn't Kaito and your Meiko isn't the real Meiko. The real ones are the first ones, with fake memories. Because to them, their memories are real, because, because they grew up with them and they're real, something without any memories, something with no memories can't really be alive!

The Doctor says they're perfectly alive, they're content to not have a past. And they'll gain memories, just as you have. You've called yourself alive before, but in the beginning your mind was clean as slate. You didn't even know how to talk.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. The Doctor makes it feel wrong to stop making people, but I can't let him toss aside the lives of everyone just for the sake of being rich and being famous.

Doctor, if the only way to stop you is to destroy the People Creator, then I will! And I run into the room and stand next to it. The Doctor laughs and says, try, I told you, it's been drop-proofed. Dropping it won't do a thing.

Well then I won't drop it once, I'll drop it twice, or three times, or as many times as it takes. Because, because people should be made the real way, not with this! There shouldn't be any more failed Len robots like me, or any people made only to sing like the new me, and people, should be made for real, not even with fake memories and fake personalities, people can't be made from a picture Doctor! Because, because, because b be c c caus, b-! What happened what happened where'd my voice go talk Len talk!

What a nice speech Len, but I have to disagree. You say things like that when you, I created you, you know. You're just as fake as they are. You're kept alive by machines, your heart is gears, it doesn't pump. Your lungs aren't air sacs, they're the pumps, they crank, you eat to give power to your own machinery. You're not alive. So I don't think you should be judging what is and isn't alive, since your own point of view is changed.

But Doctor, you're alive, you can't, you can't you can't you can't tell! You can't, you- my voice! Well it doesn't matter any more, Doctor, because you're never making another person again and you're never programming another fake memory…

And I turn to the People Creator and I stare at it. And you're never, never, ever going to make another Len Kagamine, a failed robot boy, but a robot boy who can be alive and not be at all!

And I see myself in a mirror, I see Rin and everyone at lunch, I see the stork dream and the rain and Banana and the tree and the snow and my four years of life tell me that I am alive. I don't have to worry, now. I am alive, I am, and when this People Creator's gone, me and Rin can be together for ever and ever until I die, but I'm not going to die because of you killing be Doctor, when I die, I'm going to die because I just wasn't made right.

And I pick up the People Creator and get ready to toss it to the floor, but what's this blue light? Is it white? I sure feel strange, feel strange, feel feel feel, what do I feel? How can I say what I feel? I feel warm. I feel so warm, comfy, like when Rin snuggles with me, but warm all over, what do I feel? I feel, I feel, I feel, what's the beating in my chest? It feels weird, feels, feels, feels…

It feels like, it feels like, I feel like, I feel like…

I feel like nothing. I don't feel like anything, I don't feel anything any more, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing…

nothing.


End file.
